This is Shiranui Kyo speaking. I just wanted to inform you I completed the two mugs you had requested. I had wanted to spend some time on adding more detail toward the fancier mug you had wanted. Should they meet your approval we can continue with what we agreed upon.
I just got approval for the shop itself, so I still have to get that up and running. I'll be working on that this week. You can stop by my place to see the mugs.
Thank you, Doctor. I'm glad you had the sense to get away.
[A pause.]
They wanted you badly. You, specifically, for all your knowledge and wisdom. If they ever come back, please stay somewhere hidden and safe. Your knowledge in their hands would be... devastating.
[Erwin doesn't answer for so long that it seems like the communicators might have frozen, or the call dropped. When he does, his voice is very soft, and he's not meeting the Doctor's eyes in the video.]
Is that... something people do, in your world? Talk about their troubles and forgive so easily?
It's what I do. I can forgive you for what you did because that isn't the first time that's happened to me.
[The Doctor gives a hard whince] Not the first time someone I know has been brainwashed [he states with a low growl and then softens again]- in order to get to me.
I know you didn't have control of your actions. I can't hold you accountable when you were being mind controlled.
And you were - inside screaming, weren't you? Trying to regain control.
It's not something I care to experience again. I'll be more careful in the future.
[Erwin takes a deep breath, then visibly pushes his emotional turmoil aside. There's no time for that now.]
I have no right to ask this, but your technology is beyond anything I've ever seen. Would you be capable of making me a functional prosthetic arm?
[The whole Illithid thing happened because Erwin overestimated his capabilities, and a large part of that is, when he's making decisions, he still thinks he has two arms.]
[The Doctor gives a sympathetic head nod and he feels guilty he couldn't pull Erwin out of that and doesn't know how to make it up to him and is glad to hear a request coming on.]
Yes! Oh yes!
I actually have a few in the Clinic I've been tweaking with.
Levi stalks back to their treehouse home immediately in a troubled mood. He finds Erwin at their kitchen table, doing something or other, and without even offering any sort of greeting, blurts out:
"Erwin, we need to talk about this guy Kimbley you're all buddy-buddy with lately."
He's stopped on the other side of the table, arms crossed tightly over his chest as though trying to contain a clearly unsettled energy that's thrumming through him, tightening his shoulders high and tense.
Erwin has spent the day peacefully chatting with people on Sleepr and working on getting a stew ready for dinner. The entire treehouse smells like slow-cooking meat and vegetables, and Erwin hasn't done anything goofy or experimental with it; he's only used the ingredients he remembers his mother using when she made stews, or the ones made by the Survey Corps cooks after missions over the wall. He has, perhaps, gone the slightest bit ham with the garlic, but that's because it's so much cheaper and readily available here.
He looks up when he hears Levi come in, and is ready to gently tease him about this 'commander of my heart' business when he sees the look on his face. That shuts down any teasing immediately, as does Levi's declaration.
"All right." Erwin turns off his communicator and sets it aside, giving Levi his full attention. "Have you been talking with him too?"
Obviously Levi has, or he wouldn't be this stirred up, but Erwin is ready to hear what Levi has to say.
The scent is familiar, the sensation of it shoving a force of memories through his mind in an instant - cold, rainy autumn days around a table in the mess hall with his first squad, a night during a long training mission in a remote place inside wall Maria, more than one evening spent with Erwin and Hange and Mike working through plans and paperwork, the night after they'd all returned back to headquarters together after overthrowing the government.
It helps to settle a little of his unease, but also seems to provoke at a lingering feeling he's been struggling with recently, one that some people might know as homesickness but Levi has never experienced, or even thought about.
Erwin gets leveled with an impatient stare. "No, I'm harassing you over some guy I know fuckall about," he drawls dryly. "Yeah, I've talked to him. What the fuck is your angle?"
Because while he knows Erwin has a much higher tolerance for bullshit than Levi does, there's got to be something else at play, right?
Erwin gets it; why does Levi think he keeps making stews and other things from home? This place might be their home now (for now), but Erwin misses their own world sometimes too. More accurately, he misses the people they've left behind, and having things here they would recognise makes it feel like he's sharing this relatively peaceful, magical place with them.
"He's powerful. Not now, but when he gets his alchemy back, he will be." Of course Erwin has an angle; the fact that he genuinely enjoys Kimbley's company helps, but he's incapable of just having friends and knowing people anymore. Everyone is a game piece on Erwin's mental chessboard, and a few months in this place hasn't changed that. "I'd rather have someone with abilities like that on my side than against me."
It's the same reason he fought so hard to get control of Eren from the MPs. If anyone is going to have someone that powerful fighting alongside him, it's going to be Erwin, come hell or high water.
But he can also understand Levi's reluctance to team up with the man. He hopes Levi hasn't heard about the Shou Tucker alchemist and the kinds of things he was doing with his abilities. He hopes, for Tucker's sake and for Levi's mental health, that Tucker never shows up here and never meets Levi.
Erwin gestures at the chair across the table. "Would you like me to put the kettle on?"
"A guy like that isn't on anyone's side." Not even his own, to hear Kimbley tell it. Perhaps he and Erwin can get on amicably now, but allegedly there's nothing holding him back from changing his mind if it suits him. People who can't form attachments can easily throw things away, and don't care about them once they're gone.
Levi shifts his weight, agitated and restless. "He'll be dangerous."
He hasn't heard about any other alchemists; his conversations with the man have been much more limited, and truthfully one seems enough to worry about as it is, given what they can allegedly do.
When Erwin gestures to the chair, he just shakes his head, too unsettled to sit. His arms folded across his chest tighten briefly as he answers: "Sure, if you want."
Erwin gets up and moves to the kettle. He deliberately keeps his movements slow and steady, easy to follow with the eye. Doing anything fast or moving frenetically will just put Levi more on edge, the way he's feeling right now, and Erwin isn't going to do anything to make him jumpier.
"No, probably not." Erwin isn't delusional; he knows Kimbley is dangerous and unhinged. But he's also always been a gambler, and he wonders if there's something underneath the posturing and devil-may-care attitude. What if the man is just lonely? What if having someone on his side would actually make a difference to him?
Erwin has known a few people like that.
"We've known a lot of dangerous people." Erwin opens the cupboard and gets two mugs down. Then he fetches a box of herbal tea and offers it to Levi for measuring and eventual seeping. "And I'd argue that we can be dangerous ourselves, when we put our minds to it."
Several heartbeats pass as he stares at the offered tea, seemingly frozen in place, paralyzed. Something in him doesn't want to move closer, tries to keep his feet rooted to the spot. He almost even tells Erwin to just do it - it's almost impossible to use to overdo herbal tea, so there isn't much to get wrong - but preparing it is his task, and the strangeness of turning it down wins out in the end. Just before it seems like he's not going to move, he takes a step forward, and comes to join Erwin at the counter.
"Yeah, we can be," he returns after a moment, starting to carefully measure the dried herbs and citrus pieces into the strainers in each cup. Levi is painfully aware of how efficient he is at killing compared to anyone else other than the titan shifters, who have him outclassed effectively on size alone.
"But we don't think of people's lives as fundamentally worthless." Which is the real heart of the problem, as far as he's concerned. Of course he hasn't gone around and done a whole survey of the people here - Kimbley could hardly be the only one. But how many of those people could potentially and so easily murder with seemingly little effort?
...probably several, if other conversations were any indication.
But how many of them were in such proximity to Erwin?
Erwin knew Levi would eventually cave on the tea. Erwin is perfectly capable of managing herbal tea on his own and they both know it, but tea is Levi's thing, and the simple repetition of something he's done so many times will, Erwin hopes, calm him down a little. It probably also won't hurt when, as Levi steps up to the counter, Erwin lifts his hand and gently rubs it across the small of Levi's back.
"No. We've never thought that." Levi hasn't, anyway. Erwin has, at some of his darkest times, made calculations of people's worth, and chosen where to position them accordingly. It's not something he's proud of, but he's done it, and he'll do it again if he has to. Not worthless, maybe, but with a value that's very definable and quantifiable, based on the situation, and Erwin isn't entirely convinced which of those options is uglier. At least Kimbley is fair, and assumes everyone is worthless; Erwin will use everything he knows about someone to make a decision on whether someone's life is worth preserving, and his own needs take ultimate precedent.
No wonder he always slept like shit back home.
"I might be an optimist, but I wonder how many people have ever actually listened to Kimbley." Not many, Erwin's thinking. "He lets interesting things slip when he thinks no one is paying attention."
It does help - but perhaps the touch more than anything, even when he thought he was feeling too jittery to be touched. Erwin has always been the exception there, it seems, or nearly so. The shape and feeling of his hand is warm and familiar, as is just standing at his side. It's that steadiness that has always been what he needed, someone sure and strong and unwavering with the patience to guide him out of the tumult of his emotions, when anger or anxiety or even loss became too much.
Levi lets that comforting familiarity seep into him, feels his heart rate slow and some tension release from his hands.
Of course they've had to make calculations on the lives of others. That was the price of leadership, the burden Erwin carried to see out his vision - because even if his true motivations had been ultimately self-serving, everything he'd done still counted towards humanity's freedom. Because people still mattered. Any time it seemed he was in danger of losing sight of that, Levi would remind him, was there to help him shoulder that burden, because someone needed to be willing to make those choices. If Erwin didn't care, Levi wouldn't follow him.
He's quiet, absorbing calm from Erwin's soothing touch as he carefully puts the tea and measuring spoon back in their proper places in the cupboard. His hands settle lightly on the countertop, gaze drifting to the golden glint on his left before he sighs, shaking his head.
"Maybe. In my experience, people like that happy to tell you exactly the kind of fucked up they are." Levi glances up at Erwin. "What did he tell you?"
It's really not fair; Erwin knows exactly what his touch does to Levi, and he's absolutely using it to his advantage today. He never uses the knowledge for evil, though!
"It's more what he hasn't said." Erwin thinks back on his conversations with Kimbley; he knew a chat like this with Levi would come sooner or later, and he's been quietly mulling things over in anticipation. He also just plain likes Kimbley, and is interested in what makes him tick. "He talks all the time about his world, if you ask him questions. He's told me about alchemy, and the people he knows, and the world he comes from. What's strange, though, is how he's always on the outside of the conversation, like someone else looking in. The only person he seems to have had any kind of connection with was his commanding officer, who was here briefly but then disappeared."
Erwin drums a brief little beat on Levi's back as he puts the pieces the rest of the way together. "I don't think he cares about anyone there because no one has ever cared about him. He's someone that's always been viewed for what he can do, rather than who he is."
Which should sound familiar to both of them. So many anime tropes up in here!
"I have a feeling that the best way to get through to him is to just be there."
Perhaps he should be more open to what Erwin is suggesting - he has spent more time talking to him, after all. And while he isn't going to discount Erwin's thoughts entirely (so often Erwin sees things that he doesn't, including the larger picture), Levi can't discount his own instincts when it comes to people. They've both known some fucked up individuals, but Levi has arguably spent more time around people like Kimbley. Kenny had been only one or two steps away from that point, really; he at least had had one or two people he did seem to care about.
His expression flattens, matched in his voice. "Maybe because who he is is super fucked up."
He shifts away a little from the tapping fingers - that's not a particularly welcome sensation at the moment, drumming jitteriness back into his nerves. The water is finally ready - not yet boiling, but on the cusp - and he falls silent, pouring it out with a critical eye.
Turning back to Erwin, a deeper frown creases his expression.
"And what if there's nothing to get through to? You'll have just put yourself the closest within reach of someone who can turn you into a fucking human bomb just by touching you."
Erwin could make a comment about someone who wanted to kill him, and attempted it at least twice, and is now making him tea, but he'll keep those thoughts to himself. That's the problem with gambling: you get it right enough times in a row, you start to think you can beat the house. Erwin knows he'll eventually gamble too big and everything will fall apart, but he doesn't think Kimbley will be that gamble.
"Maybe. But what would he gain from turning me into a bomb?" Erwin shrugs and spreads his hand out at his side. "I have no authority here, no power. If anything, attacking me would be a mistake, because then he'd have you after him." Of that, Erwin has no doubt. If anything explosive happens to him, Levi will be so far up Kimbley's ass that Kimbley will be tasting tea leaves on his tonsils. Erwin shakes his head. "No, I don't think he'll attack me, if for no other reason than he seems to enjoy having an audience."
Is he being a hypocrite? Maybe. Erwin had had no way to know what kind of person he was in the underground -- or perhaps he did. The rumor of criminals using military gear would have been reason enough, but Levi wouldn't have been at all surprised if Erwin had tried to dig up as much information about him as he could ahead of time.
Sure, it had been a gamble; there's no way to have predicted that forcing him into the Survey Corps would have gone well, that they all wouldn't have tried to escape at some point if they decided they didn't want to risk their lives fighting titans even after Erwin had foiled their plans. He might have had contingencies, but surely that had always been a potential risk.
Had Erwin known, or had he just guessed that he had a chance of swinging Levi to his cause? It wasn't hard to tell that at least he actually gave a damn about people. And Isabelle...after only a few days she'd already become swept up in the cause. She would have stayed, and they would have stayed with her--
People like that, though? All they have to do is decide that they don't care about anything anymore. Kimbley wouldn't just have Levi up his ass, he'd be dead, as many times over as needed until it stuck - but if he reaches the point where that doesn't matter, then there's no reason for him to hold back.
Still, he has to concede that Erwin does have a point, however, supported by what Kimbley had said himself.
His arms cross unhappily over his chest again, and he's silent for several moments staring at the tea as it bleeds flavor and color into the hot water. In truth there isn't anything he can do about the situation that he hasn't already done. Levi gives a short, agitated sigh and shifts his feet, shaking his head.
"...all right, Erwin."
Acceptance is all he has left. He nudges a mug in his direction with one hand.
What Levi doesn't know--what he'll never know, if Erwin has anything to say about it--is how tenuous things were, those first few weeks of his aboveground. Erwin and Mike had a working agreement: if Levi went rogue, they would both have to go after him, and deal with the threat. Farlan and Isabelle weren't such a concern, anyone in the Corps could have dealt with them, but Levi was a special case, who needed special observation and a unique containment plan.
The day after Farlan and Isabelle died, when Erwin was on edge and prepared for an epic throw down with Levi, Mike sought him out. He'd simply squeezed Erwin's shoulder, announced that Levi was on their side, that he smelled trustworthy now, and slouched off. It had been Mike who called off the contingency plan, not Erwin.
So yeah, Erwin has some experience with loose cannons.
He knows Levi doesn't like this, though, and doesn't take the cup right away. He puts his hand back on Levi's back, and this time there's no drumming, no tapping along his spine; it's a simple, soothing caress on that spot between Levi's shoulder blades, where he's always so tightly wound.
"I'm not going to do anything foolish, Levi. I have too much going on here." There are books to read, strange creatures to poke, interesting new foods to eat. And, most of all, there's Levi, and time, and no titans, and Erwin isn't giving up any of that readily. "I promise I'll pull back if I think I'm in any danger."
What else could he have done at that point? Disappeared, perhaps, but he was never a threat to anyone else in the Corps. Erwin had already thwarted him twice over, and without anything to gain from it, there would have been no point in killing him. And so follow him he did; all the way to this.
The hand between his shoulders has the effect it almost always does - his muscles unlock slightly, automatically, and Levi closes his eyes a moment, just soaking in the sensation, in Erwin's presence, trying to let it soothe away all of his worry. It doesn't quite, but...it's enough, for now. It'll have to be.
"...it's not you I'm worried about," he says quietly, and reaches for his own mug. "But I trust you."
That wasn't the answer Erwin was expecting, and he takes a step closer, getting right next to Levi so he can put his arm around Levi's waist, his chest up against Levi's back. Erwin knows he's about the only person alive that can crowd Levi like this and not get his head torn off, and he's absolutely going to abuse that husbandly power when Levi is upset.
"So what's got you worked up?" If Levi isn't worried about Erwin, then what's the problem? He's obviously not worried about Erwin hurting Kimbley, so what is it?
The first few heartbeats have him tensing reflexively at the confinement; being this close this casually is still new in many respects, and being held from behind without warning has the potential to set off his fighting response - but this is Erwin, who has been with him here, who always touches him with care and sincerity, and it's easy to push those instincts away and settle back into the embrace. Levi allows himself to sink a little against the sturdy warmth of that broad chest, lets his head tilt back to gently rest nearly above where Erwin's heart would be and just closes his eyes.
The arm around him is not confining, but secure. Supportive, strong. Levi sets his left hand to that forearm, tracing slowly with his palm until he finds Erwin's hand curled at his waist. The question continues to go unanswered as slender fingers carefully trace the gold band, then slide into the space between to twine and lock together, holding them in place.
Like this, he can easily imagine what it would be like for Erwin to have both arms wrapped around him; fully engulfed, like drowning but in the best way. Levi doesn't lament or wish for it so much as wonder. He is happy with this, which is already more than he could have ever really imagined having. How could he possibly fathom thinking it's not enough?
He sighs a little, more of a slow exhale.
"...too many unknowns, here." He says finally. "Weirdass people, weirdass monsters...weirdass magic...feels like I don't know where I'm supposed to be looking."
Erwin can imagine it too, what it would be like to hold Levi with two arms. Stupid, that they've known each other for so long, but it was only after Erwin lost his arm that they started doing this. So many chances lost, never to be regained. He might end up with a prosthetic of some kind here, but it won't be the same. It won't be the same at all.
Still, he holds Levi as best he can, and when Levi leans back against his chest and then takes his hand, Erwin feels a little better. He owes it to Levi to be more careful, to not stress him out with his wild antics; it's just unfortunate that Erwin's definition of wild antics is much wilder than the typical person's.
"I know." Things are definitely weird as hell here, and it's clearly getting to Levi more than Erwin. Erwin has been embracing the weirdness, because what else is he supposed to do? This is all he has left, all the life he'll get to live, and he'd be a fool to not take advantage of it. But it isn't that way for Levi, and it's hard to turn down the heightened sense of danger they'd lived with for so long back home. "I wish I had an answer for you."
At least back home the dangers were familiar. Titans are nasty, but they don't try to take over anyone's minds.
It's hardly that he's unaccustomed to the intensity of Erwin's risk-taking; the man has gambled with his own life more times than Levi particularly cares to count, and between having his arm bitten off and still managing to save Eren before passing out as well as staging a bloodless coups to overthrow a false king only weeks later, to outright refuse to stay behind on what is most likely to mean certain death, it's a particular kind of stress he's well acquainted with.
The point is that the only thing he really can trust here is Erwin. To trust what he says, trust his judgment, trust that he understands the risks even if he's going to take them anyway. Perhaps that had been Levi's biggest source of anxiety in the moment, that he just needed reassurance and acknowledgment that he's read the situation correctly, that they're on the same page of understanding. But short of someone being an active threat, it's not as though Levi can demand certain behaviors from either Erwin or Kimbley or anyone else.
Everything is different here. He's adapted, because he's had to. Some things are better, some strange shit is routine now, other stuff he's written off as not worth the bother to try to puzzle out, can be someone else's problem. But something is under his skin, distant but constant, and not sharp or formed enough that he can pinpoint it well enough or long enough to do anything about.
This helps, though. Erwin helps. And so Levi just tries to focus on what he can feel and hear and let everything else evaporate, even if just for a little while.
"It's all right," he mutters, not making any motions to move but squeezing Erwin's hand briefly. "I'll be fine so long as you stay in one piece."
you write beautiful, thoughtful tags, and I respond with this
"Don't worry about that." Erwin squeezes Levi's hand back, then drops a kiss down onto the top of his head. "I'm running out of body parts to spare. I have to keep a closer watch on the ones I have left."
Aw yeah, reassurance. Nailed it.
lol tbf I didn't give you much to respond to, Levi's just up in his head :')
That kiss sends a tingling warmth down all through him, starting from the spot of contact and collecting like a well in his chest before unfurling all throughout his limbs to his fingertips and toes.
He'll do anything to prevent losing more of Erwin; physically or mentally, or entirely. Perhaps here he'll finally be able to do more than be good enough just to survive, he'll actually be able to protect someone important to him. Past events haven't completely supported that idea, but he's better prepared, now.
Hopefully, anyway.
Levi presses back into Erwin minutely before muttering in a tone that sounds closer to a threat than affection: "Yeah, you'd better. If something happens to this hand we have to move closer to the ground. I'll wipe your ass for you but I'm not hauling it up and down a ladder every day."
Erwin is going to try very hard, for Levi's sake, to not lose any more of himself. Losing other physical parts is the least of his worries; he's terrified that something will happen to his mind again, and he won't be able to find his way back. Would Levi still love him if he were armless? Legless? Probably, but expecting to be loved when his mind is gone? Erwin couldn't ask that of Levi or anyone else.
He needs to keep himself together. He needs to keep pushing forward, to not let the darkness overtake him, and to be here and present.
Erwin snorts laughter into Levi's hair at his response. "That's reasonable. I'm too heavy to drag up and down a vertical drop. Asking someone to do that every day would be unfair."
He lowers his head, nosing the hair near Levi's ear out of the way so he can press another soft kiss behind it. "Are you feeling better now? Or do you want to work out the logistics of future ass wiping first?"
Levi would love Erwin no matter what befell him. And he'll fight until his own last breath to keep him safe.
The sensation of breath in his hair makes him shift, but if anything, he's just snuggling back even more into Erwin's chest.
"I could manage. It'd be easier for you, though."
Pressed this close, there's no hiding the way that kiss sends a shiver down his spine, forces him into inhale softly against the unexpected wave of pleasant tingles it sends through his limbs. His pulse may have jumped a heartbeat or two.
Levi tilts his chin upward with implicit permission for more, eyes falling closed as he just tries to let go of everything else. There's still knots bound up in his shoulders, because when are there not? But much more of the tension seems to melt away in the following moments.
"Hmm," he sighs, because while 'better' isn't quite the word he would use, he's at least not so wound up anymore. "S'pose we can figure that out later."
With his free hand, Levi reaches up to slide fingers over the soft, short hair at the back of Erwin's neck, gently holding him in place for a moment to turn and nuzzle appreciatively at his cheek in silent thanks. His lips brush at the corners of the man that's wrapped him in his arm - his husband - but only briefly, so as not to prolong the awkward, surely uncomfortable angle more than necessary. But he needed a little self indulgent moment.
Erwin is pretty glad Levi is turning his neck for more kisses, and choosing to let the ass wiping question go unanswered for now. They could get into it, sure, but Erwin would like to think he'll be able to manage such things on his own for at least a little while longer.
With Levi's head turned, Erwin is able to trail kisses down the side of his neck, from just behind the jut of his jawbone to along the taut tendon that turned his head. Levi smells different here, a certain wild, iron-y musk wafting up from under the usual smell of soap and clean skin. Erwin likes it, likes how it's so unmistakably Levi, and how he's the only one allowed to get close enough to know it's there.
Levi's little twisting motion just lets Erwin get close enough to mouth Levi's collarbone, but he doesn't hold it long enough for Erwin to really kiss him. It's probably for the best; the angle is starting to get awkward for both of them. When Levi twists out of it, though, Erwin loosens his arm slightly and steps back, but only so he can try to get Levi to turn around. Chest-to-back is good and all, but chest-to-chest is better, and Erwin's aim will be a lot better if Levi is facing him.
Soft lips against that line of his throat are, he's realized, very nice. His eyes flutter shut, and his chest swells and lips part to pull in a full gasp of breath as warmth tingles through his limbs and kicks his heartbeat a little faster. Levi feels himself arch, his fingers tightening against whatever part of Erwin he can touch, and he feels as though he could just burst into little particles of light and sink into him, all the way into his heart and stay there forever.
But then Erwin is releasing him, just a little - just enough to turn, which is good, because now Levi wants a real kiss. Or two. Or three. Or as many as he can get.
All thoughts of tea are completely abandoned as he turns in the protective, safe circle of Erwin's arm, reaching to cup his face. For several heartbeats, Levi just holds them both there, staring quietly into blue eyes that remind him of a clear, spring day, and vows softly:
"I will never let anything happen to you."
And then, raising up onto his toes, sets their lips together.
Being able to make Levi forget about freshly brewed tea is a new and heady power. Erwin isn't sure he's ready for the responsibility.
"I know you won't." It won't always be Levi's decision, not back home, but here? Here, Erwin can give Levi that. Here, he can be cautious and safe and not aggravate Levi too much; he'll aggravate him a little, or otherwise he wouldn't be Erwin Smith, but it'll be comparatively small potatoes. Making friends with Kimbley feels much safer than charging headlong at abnormal titans.
Erwin bends down to kiss Levi back, but since they're in the kitchen and near the counter, he has a plan to fix it. Erwin stoops down and loops his arm around Levi's thighs before tightening his hold and straightening up. If Levi doesn't wiggle free, Erwin will be able to put him on the kitchen counter, making them the same height. Better kissing for everyone!
It's not something he could have allowed himself before; there were always risks, always things that Erwin would want him to prioritize over his life. Those were the decisions they understood and trusted one another to make. But that fight doesn't exist here, and so neither do those necessary sacrifices. Here, he can keep Erwin safe. Or try to, at least. So far he's done an abominable job of it when it matters most.
Par for the course, really. But it doesn't have to be.
There's a faint noise of confusion and surprise when Erwin bends down and then lifts him to the counter, his hands going to broad shoulders to steady himself as his feet leave the floor. For some reason, that sets his heart beating faster once again, especially feeling the strength in him, the strong grip against his thigh. Levi has always known that Erwin is strong - the man had held his own that first day they met, after all - but so rarely has it ever been used on him.
He huffs in an obligatory protest - ass on the counter, really? - but can't argue with the results. Winding fingers into Erwin's shirt collar, he tugs him close, knees to either side of hips.
"You been working out when I'm not looking, Blondie?"
You're wearing pants, Levi, c'mon now! Unless you've been sitting in gross stuff, the counter will be fine. The whole thing is made to be wiped off and cleaned regularly.
Erwin chuckles softly at Levi's question. A huge part of his identity, ever since he was twelve years old and joined the Cadet Corps, has been his strength; he's always tried to project the image of being powerful, a sentinel against the horrors behind the walls. Losing his arm had shattered that view, made him frighteningly mortal for the first time, and Erwin has, privately, been grappling with that. Or at least he hopes his struggles have been private. If anyone was going to notice, it would be Levi.
"Climbing the ladder everyday helps." Lifting Levi had really been more in Erwin's core and legs than his arm, but he'll take the compliment. He winds his arm around Levi's waist and presses in close against him, his mouth back on Levi's neck.
It's the principle of it all-- but since he trusts himself to keep both it and his own ass clean, he's not actually complaining.
Of course he had noticed - had tried to provide quiet support where he could without stepping over Erwin's confidence. Over time he had become more self sufficient. The man had been prepared to go riding out on a horse and use the 3DMG single handedly, despite Levi trying to convince him not to because survival was difficult enough with both arms. As far as he was concerned, Erwin as a symbol had never diminished. Even when they had finally been reunited after the successful coups, when Erwin had been bound and beaten before triumphing, he had stood tall and proud.
For Levi, he always would.
"Yeah..." Is all he can think to say, because then Erwin is close again, and that's all he wants right now. His eyes drift shut as his chin tilts upward to bare more of his throat, trusting and pleased, his lips parted slightly to sigh out pleasant little breaths or pull in sharp inhales, depending on the sensation. It all sends warm, lovely little tendrils of electricity into his chest, as though carried through the pulse in his throat down to his heart.
One hand finds its way to settle at the back of Erwin's neck, fingernails scraping lightly against his scalp and fingertips rubbing at the soft hair of his undercut. Finally Levi noses him back long enough to take some kisses of his own, sliding their mouths together hotly. He feels warm, a flush spreading through his body, and everything else vanishes but for the man twined with him.
Is Erwin accidentally using his electricity powers on Levi right now, sending tiny little bolts from his lips into Levi's neck? He doesn't think he is, but with how weird everything in this has become, who knows? Maybe there's really some electricity going back and forth between them.
Erwin presses in against the kitchen counter, the ledge digging in just under his hips. He's no virgin, but this is something different, something he's never had before; most of his sexual experience has been brief, quick fumblings behind barns or up in trees over the walls. He's never had the chance to slow down and truly experience a partner before. Some of that is his own fault; when he lived life like he could die any day, it hadn't been fair to his partners to let any emotional connection develop, and Erwin wasn't above visiting brothels when the urge struck him. He was always polite and tipped handsomely, especially when he paid for the kind of things he couldn't imagine asking a partner to do to him. Maybe, with enough time and effort, he'll learn how to ask for those things with Levi.
Levi's mouth is hot and eager under his, and Erwin groans softly as he presses closer to him. Almost without Erwin's knowledge, he's been getting an erection, and the shift forward presses his cock against Levi's thigh.
Nearly everything they do is new to Levi - on a practical level, at least. He's long been well aware of the mechanics and consequences of sex, of the play of power and the physical reality of it. Some of his earliest memories are of hiding in a cupboard as his mother worked, being a good little boy and staying quiet for her. He didn't understand what much of what he'd overheard and seen meant until he was older, though not by much.
It's difficult to say if his aversion to most touch was because of it or just exacerbated by the things that he witnessed nearly daily in the underground. Abuse and coercion were rampant, but it was not always so. He knew plenty about what it all meant by the time he entered his teenage years, but never once felt a real desire to do anything with anyone, to touch or be touched by anyone else, especially not like that, or like this, or like anything. One or two tried, and left disappointed, if not outright terrified and were never seen again.
Later, he'd considered Farlan, once. All right - more than once, but after their first and only kiss, Levi hadn't known at all what to do, had disappeared for two days and by the time he returned, Farlan had understandably taken that for his answer and never asked about it again. After that, Levi had had no fucking clue what to do, too embarrassed to broach the topic let alone ask for anything else, and eventually whatever that could have been settled into the closest friendship he'd ever had until that time.
But then he was gone.
...and then there was Erwin.
Even after several weeks since that day in the labyrinth, they've been so wholly content to just be close, to curl up together, to kiss and hold and breathe in. And perhaps lately, Levi's began to wonder, to notice more, all the things about Erwin that he's never not thought about before, but could far more easily set aside when it seemed it would never amount to anything. Erwin is tall and strong and handsome and just so fucking unbearably attractive, it's just as well that it's easy to shut down that part of himself, because how else could he have been expected to function with those eyes and that chest and those thighs just walking around?
Fuck.
So he's thought about it, but thinking and doing are two far different experiences, and so often whenever they're close Levi just finds himself soothed rather than aroused, sinking into Erwin's solid, reassuring presence and finding solace in the beat of his heart.
That's all true still even now, but in this particular moment, want seems to tingle at his fingertips, and perhaps could even eventually travel to lower, needier places.
Which is all to say that it takes him a moment, but then he's fully aware of just what is pressing against his leg. That little groan had likewise done something to him, shivering along his spine and making him lean more into the kiss. He's not quite sure what to do yet - of if even Erwin is aware of just how obvious he is yet (and fuck, he's huge, right? he has to be. Levi's caught brief glimpses of him flaccid, and he can't even begin to imagine what that looks like fully erect--)
Levi feels his toes flex, his thighs tense around the hips between them, and kisses Erwin deeply. Perhaps he's still sorting things out, or just waiting for Erwin's lead here, but if the man somehow doesn't notice after a minute...well then he'll have to say something, won't he?
His right hand is still settled at the back of Erwin's neck, the other smoothing out over his chest and splaying his fingers wide, as though to feel for the pace of his breath and the beating of his heart. Alive. Here. His.
It's one of the weird dichotomies of being Erwin Smith that he's dealt with ever since he hit puberty and shot up six inches over four months: Erwin knows he's physically attractive, but also knows that once people get to know him they shy away. He can't blame them; with his dedication to the Survey Corps and the things he's done in the name of freedom, he understands people wanting to keep their distance. So while he knows he's hot and has used it to his advantage wherever and whenever he's had to, he also knows that it's a mirage, hiding something much uglier underneath.
The wild thing is that Levi knows exactly what's under the attractive veneer--or at least knows it better than anyone else, has seen parts of Erwin he's refused to show anyone else--and likes him anyway. Levi knows he's a monster and still agreed to marry him. Maybe that means Levi is fucked in the head, or that Erwin is the luckiest guy in the world. Maybe both. The point is, Erwin knows he's hot, but he's never felt hot, not until here in the Labyrinth, with Levi curled against him and groping at his chest.
Erwin feels Levi's thighs tightening around his hips, and he involuntarily cants them forward, pressing into Levi's warmth and solidity. When he does, he jabs Levi in the thigh again, and this time it's hard enough that Erwin realises what's going on below his belt.
He goes still, breaking off their kiss and leaning back to look down between them, like he needs a visual cue to really believe what's going on. Yeah, that... that certainly is a thing.
"Huh." He glances back up at Levi, his brows drawn in slightly, his lips pursed. "Didn't realise that soldier was back from leave."
Perhaps it helps that Levi doesn't see Erwin as a monster. He's come to see Erwin as the man he is in the world he exists and the role he's chosen to inhabit. At first he was that lofty, untouchable figure, as brilliant as the sun, too bright to see directly or past, too scorching to get close enough to touch. But after a lifetime in the dark and the damp, he'd been drawn to that sunlight and warmth, and discovered that underneath is just a man who'd broken off pieces off his heart bit by bit just to see something through. Even if it was out of grief or love rather than truly for the sake of humanity, the outcome is the same.
For all that he's tried to cast it off, let others scrape away pieces of it, Erwin Smith is still human, and Levi will hold fast to that for him if need be, for however long he has to.
Because Erwin, too, is worthy of love.
That's always what he wants to show him when they touch, when they kiss, when they're close. That here, especially, he can just be the man he is, rather than the commander everyone expects.
...and yes, that time, it's definitely more noticeable. Levi stills nearly the same time Erwin does, fingers curling in at his shirt. His pulse has jumped a little again, a flush creeping up from his chest toward his throat, but he's still trying to sort out what he wants.
Still, there's a smoldering heat in his eyes when he catches that brief glance. Levi shifts a little on the counter, thighs flexing again as he hooks one ankle around the back of Erwin's leg, just in case he was thinking of going somewhere. The corner of his lip twitches a bit at that comment, though.
"...looks like he's reporting for duty, Commander," he drawls dryly, sliding the hand on Erwin's chest up to join the other, looping both arms loosely around his neck. Fingertips brush through the soft peachfuzz there, almost like he's fidgeting. It's only then that he realizes this is the first time it's happened -- that he knows of, anyway, and from Erwin's comment, it probably is.
Levi's leg around him pulls Erwin back towards the counter, and he's quietly relieved; it's not that he expected Levi to be horrified, but he also wasn't entirely sure he'd be thrilled either, and any positive feedback is a good thing. Being called Commander doesn't hurt too. Although Erwin doesn't comment on it, the tips of his ears flush pink at the title getting tossed out in a moment like this.
"So he is." Erwin lets go of Levi long enough to adjust himself, so he's not getting squeezed by either his pants or the kitchen counter, then loops his arm back around Levi's waist.
"No, it... it didn't." This time Erwin flushes in earnest, and glances away. "I haven't... this hasn't happened in awhile. I wasn't sure it would, again."
Depression is killer on the old libido, and between that and losing his arm, Erwin hasn't had an erection in a few months. It's almost funny, how eagerly and readily things came back into action, given the proper impetus.
Levi catches that flush, and there's a pang in his chest when Erwin turns away.
I wasn't sure it would, again.
Oh.
For someone who rarely experiences sexual interest, it still never occurred to him that most people who do could have it just...stop. From the sound of it, it wasn't something that Erwin had expected either way. It can be strange and jarring, when your body doesn't react how you're used to, in either direction.
He's silent a moment, and then leans close again to leave a soft kiss at the corner of Erwin's lips, hoping to coax him back again. If that isn't enough, he'll shift a hand to set a gentle palm to Erwin's cheek to turn his face back, and nuzzle their foreheads together.
"Let me help," he mumbles lowly between them. "I-..." He lets out a breath, hands pressing against Erwin's neck to dissuade him from going anywhere. "I haven't. With anyone. So I-..."
Fuck. It's Levi's turn for a flush to blossom over his face, ears growing warm. But this close, Erwin at least can't see it right away. It's not something he's admitted - to anyone, really, content to let people make their assumptions and not correct them either way. It feels stupid to be embarrassed about it even so, but it's only fair for Erwin to know what he's in for. He knows plenty of the theoretical and mechanical how, he's just never really had to put any of it into practice. Certainly never on another person.
It's very easy for Levi to redirect Erwin's attention back to him. This isn't really something Erwin cares to dwell on; his dick wasn't working, and now it is again, and he sees no reason to delve into all the possible reasons for its few months extended leave. He knows, on some level, that this is connected to all the other stressors in his life, but he'd rather not poke that nest of snakes. Things are going well enough here; there's no need to disturb the peace.
He comes out of his own thoughts quickly enough when Levi offers to help, then admits his own inexperience. It's something Erwin has suspected for a long time, but never had any reason to question or investigate further. Most people in the Survey Corps had assumed Levi simply wasn't interested in sex, Erwin included; even here, in this world, he's thought Levi was content with kissing and the closeness they have and didn't need anything else. Him offering to help is both exciting and a little worrying.
"I don't want you doing anything you don't want to do." Erwin catches that blush, though, even with how close their faces are, and he dips his head to kiss along Levi's neck again. That, he knows Levi likes. "I can take care of it myself if it's not something you're interested in."
He hadn't been interested, at all. Most of the time it just never occurred to him, either mentally or physically. But ever since they did start spending more time close to one another, kissing, curling together on the couch or falling asleep together in bed, Levi's found himself thinking about it more. His thoughts, though, have been less of specific fantasies and more just realizing the physical sensations of arousal more frequently when they're together, when Erwin touches or kisses him a certain way and Levi feels his blood run hotter under his skin and his pulse hitch into a faster pace suddenly - like the way it does now when Erwin leaves more kisses along his neck.
Perhaps his reactions to those touches before have been too subtle, blending in with contented sighs or hidden away when he's just buried against the man's larger form, intent on stealing his warmth. But since nothing they did ever seemed to elicit any kind of obvious interest on Erwin's part either, it'd been easy enough to ignore. They had both seemed satisfied, and if Levi had recently awoken once or twice from his much shorter time asleep to find his own cock hard, he'd either willed it away or slipped away to take care of it quietly.
But Erwin doesn't know that, and he still tries to give him the opportunity to rescind the offer. The easy thoughtfulness stirs up a whirl of emotion in his chest, and Levi twists his fingers into Erwin's shirt to tighten his hold. When so many people would meet him with frustration or suffocating fussiness, Erwin is nothing but patience and understanding. Levi knows he can be difficult to understand, let alone tolerate enough to befriend or - somehow - love. But even when they've had their difficulties, Erwin has never been callous or cruel or dismissive, but meets him with acceptance and understanding.
On top of all that, he's fucking gorgeous. So yeah - Levi's thought about it.
This time, when soft lips move over his pulse and just under his ear, his breath audibly catches, and Levi feels his toes curl reflexively.
"I-" breathe, dammit. "...I want to." He licks his lips, trying to organize his thoughts. "I wouldn't offer to touch your dick if I didn't actually want to." That much, Erwin should trust. "But I also can't promise it'll be good or I'll want anything from you or-"
Fuck, he's rambling. Maybe he should ask Erwin to just drop him off the side of the treehouse and put them both out of his misery instead.
"Shhhhh..." Erwin definitely heard Levi suck in his breath, and how he's starting to ramble. He runs his hand up Levi's back, along his spine, and presses it between his shoulders, drawing Levi in against him while also, hopefully, easing some of the tension that he's almost certain has started building during this conversation. He trails his lips down the column of Levi's throat to his collarbone, and gently nudges Levi's shirt out of the way.
"I have so many things I can show you." Erwin lifts his gaze then, meets Levi's eyes, and smiles. "I'm going to teach you everything I know."
Okay, his bag of tricks really isn't that big--he's not Gunther, that man had banged his way across half the walls and had the raunchiest stories in the Corps, of which Levi has no doubt heard many--but he's starting ahead of square one, which means he'll be in the lead here. For whatever reason, that idea makes him even more excited, and Erwin pointedly presses his erection against Levi's thigh.
That hand is soothing, as it so often is, especially with that gentle pressure between his shoulders that reminds him to unclench his muscles. It sends some confusing signals to his brain, though, because now he feels the familiar pull of wanting to just burrow into Erwin's chest and ignore everything else, maybe doze a little. But then there's lips on his neck again and they move low this time, and that's nice too-
Fuck. What does he want? Levi doesn't know for himself, doesn't really want to try untangling it right this minute. This was supposed to be about Erwin, not him.
Levi shifts a little on the counter, thighs tightening around Erwin's waist again - he really is hung like a fucking horse, isn't he? - though he gives the man an even flatter look than usual.
"You sound like a hooker," he mutters, shaking his head. Don't be too put off Erwin - saying inappropriate things when he's out of his comfort zone is a familiar reaction. "I know how it all works. You pulled me out of the fucking slums, remember?" Levi's only ever overheard Gunther's exploits incidentally or secondhand, and had to lay down some fucking rules once he'd selected the man for his squad.
"I'm also not getting you off here in the kitchen, so."
Incorrect, Levi: this is about both of them, and if the reliable hand between the shoulders trick isn't working the way it's supposed to, Erwin wants to know! If it makes Levi sleepy and content, he'll save it for later, after whatever they get up to. Imagine how soothing and relaxing it'll feel then, when Levi can just sprawl across Erwin's chest and doze off in the afterglow.
Levi says inappropriate things, and Erwin laughs at inappropriate things. That's exactly what happens now; Erwin snorts laughter through his nose, then buries his face along Levi's collarbones again.
"Point taken." He runs his lips towards where the two bones meet, and pauses to suck briefly on the skin just underneath them. When Levi shifts towards him, Erwin drops his arm, pressing his forearm close to Levi's ass, where he's sitting on the counter. "Then hold on, and we'll relocate."
With no more warning than that, Erwin pulls back and scoops, trying to get Levi off the counter and propped up on his forearm. This is a more difficult maneuver, and it's all going to depend on how tight Levi's grip with his legs is around Erwin's waist.
It is working the way it's supposed to, the way it usually does - it's calming and steadying and helps him relax when he's tense. That feeling is so much easier to sink into than arousal, takes less convincing for both his body and his mind to accept. He's trying, though; it's just...hard to say what will work, or what will last.
Erwin laughs and noses into his chest, and Levi feels little butterflies in his stomach. One hand moves to card slowly through golden hair before he huffs and presses his face to it. What need did he have for sex, and all the time and effort and mess that it causes, when this sort of closeness already makes him happy?
Fingertips press harder against Erwin's scalp when he feels the soft heat of those lips increase in pressure. He exhales.
His legs tighten reflexively as he's dragged forward off the counter, heels pressing in at the small of Erwin's back while his arms encircle his shoulders for stability. It's easy enough for him to hold on like this, taking most of his own weight, but still - there's admittedly something stupidly nice (exciting? -- okay, maybe actually arousing) about Erwin using his larger size to his advantage, picking him up and moving him about.
"Not the couch, either," he drawls. "It'll be a pain in the ass to clean."
"Yes, dear, not on the couch." Erwin's voice has a teasing tone to it, and he pauses, stopping in the hallway to nuzzle at Levi's neck. He's aware that Levi is carrying most of his own weight here, but let a man pretend that he still has two arms and can pick his husband up on his own, okay? Erwin knows he can pick Levi up completely on his own, but it involves some momentum and a very unsexy carrying position, so he'll have to be content with what they've got right now. "We'll go somewhere that's easy to clean."
Which is the main bedroom, where they've pushed the two beds together to make a big one. Erwin carries Levi to the bed and stops at the edge of it, waiting for Levi to unlink his arms and legs so he can gently toss him onto it. Erwin then immediately follows him down to the mattress, curling around him, drawing Levi close to his chest for more kisses and cuddling. Never let it be said that Erwin doesn't enjoy the closeness that they've already got; every moment they have together is snatched from time, and Erwin is grateful for all of them. If his dick hadn't started working again, that would have been okay, as long as they could be together like this.
But it did, and Levi expressed interest in it, so Erwin stops with the kisses after a few moments and pulls back, looking Levi in the face. He lifts his hand and cups Levi's cheek with it, running his thumb along Levi's high cheekbone. "I need you to talk to me during this, okay? I want to know if I'm doing anything--anything at all--that you don't like." Erwin smiles, trying to be encouraging. "You can use flare colours if you like. Green flares for good things I should keep doing, red flares if you want me to stop."
This is where he truly melts, winding close under the curl of Erwin's arm, lazily kissing, nosing under his jaw to ghost lips over an old scar that he'd left years ago. It's become a wordless acknowledgement of their mutual claim to one another, of devotion and fealty.
Without really thinking about it, Levi tangles their legs together as they have done so many times before, but feels that stiffness yet again pressing against his thigh. Before he can really begin to consider his next steps, Erwin pauses their meandering kisses with a hand to his face. Levi leans into it at first, eyes closed and just enjoying the contact almost like a cat rubbing its face onto their favorite person. His eyes slit open as he speaks, blinking slowly as he regards Erwin (his husband his brain reminds him for the thousandth time, still incredulous) with a neutral expression that quirks just a little at the end, one eyebrow twitching briefly.
"...Don't worry. If I don't like something, you'll know." He's never been shy about enforcing his boundaries, after all. The trouble, really, is that those frequently tend to be easier to bend or change when it comes to Erwin. But he still goes out of his way to acknowledge that they exist - which is more than Levi could say with many people in his life. With Erwin, he never has to worry.
Levi increases the pressure of his leg against Erwin's cock, shifting experimentally.
"Same goes for you, Commander. If you like something, you gotta let me know."
You might try to keep a neutral expression, Levi, but Erwin sees right through it. He noticed that little quirk, and knows what it means. Between that and the way Levi leans into his hand, he's got a pretty good idea that this is all going swimmingly, and that Levi is starting to enjoy himself.
"I'm well aware." Boundaries are something Levi has never had a problem insisting on, but Erwin is also aware of how much easier it is for him to mold Levi to his will. He wants to make sure Levi knows he can tell Erwin to fuck off, and that Erwin will.
Although not when Levi is pressing against him like that. Erwin bows his head at the pressure, his hair falling forward to brush Levi's cheeks, and sucks in a breath. "That. That is... pretty damn good." Erwin rocks his weight forward, dragging his cock up and down along Levi's leg. "No complaints here."
With his hand so close to Levi's face, it's an easy movement to shift it downwards, to toy with the buttons on Levi's shirt. "Can I take this off you?"
Spoiler: he can't, not with only one hand, so he'll appreciate help getting it off.
Of course he's enjoying himself - Erwin is here, touching him, kissing him, speaking to him in that soft, low voice he uses when it's just the two of them. It tingles up his spine, prickling pleasantly at the hair at the back of his neck. Levi shifts one hand to card fingers through blonde hair, to close his eyes and press a kiss to Erwin's forehead. He lingers there, fingers stroking softly. They wouldn't be here if Levi didn't trust him more than absolutely anyone. He can't really explain this sudden-...interest, other than he just wants Erwin to feel good and loved and wanted, and this is an opportunity to do that in just...a different way than usual.
"Good," he mumbles, exhaling as Erwin ruts against him again. His other hand has found a purchase in the man's shirt somewhere along his ribs, and encourages more movement.
And then: "...yeah." But he can't easily at all with as tucked in as he is, so with one last little kiss, almost playful, Levi shifts to press his palm against Erwin's chest, fingers splaying over his heart, and pushes him to one side, then finally onto his back. He follows a moment after throwing one leg over to straddle Erwin's hips, settling more on his thighs than directly over his cock, but still within reach.
For a moment, he just peers down at Erwin through dark lashes, enjoying a more somewhat tousled look on him, before he starts to undo the buttons on his own shirt. There's nothing particularly sensual or sexy about the action - just the normal, efficient movements of undressing himself, eyes occasionally flickering to Erwin's.
Erwin lets Levi push him onto his back. He's not quite sure where Levi is going with this, but he's certainly not going to complain. Just as Levi apparently likes it when Erwin picks him up and moves him around, Erwin likes it too; he knows Levi is more than capable of throwing him all over the treehouse, and the thought of him doing exactly that is pretty damn hot.
When Levi plants himself on Erwin's lap, Erwin's hand immediately goes to Levi's thigh, caressing along the muscle there. Levi isn't big the same way Erwin is, but his muscles feel like iron cords under his skin, and Erwin is going to shamelessly appreciate them. He's also going to watch Levi take his shirt off, and while Levi isn't trying to be sexy, it's one of the best shows Erwin's ever seen. All this is glaringly apparent in the way Erwin is smiling, his eyes bright and attentive, watching the show.
"I'd do the same for you, but..." But yeah, only one hand, and given the choice between using it to grope Levi's thigh or taking his shirt off, Erwin is going to choose the thigh every time. At least, he'll choose the thigh until Levi's shirt is open, at which point he's going to move his hand up Levi's hip and to his abdomen. The ready supply of sugar and fats in this world has been settling on Erwin's midsection, but Levi still looks as trim and fit as he did in their own world.
Truthfully, he's gained a little weight, too, filling out some areas that might have been indicators of undernourishment in a place that wasn't so caught up in scarce resources. But his wild metabolism seems to keep most of it in check, though some lines might be a little softer than they were.
As Erwin's broad hand moves up from his thigh to his stomach, skin to skin, Levi leans slightly into the touch, eyes heavily lidded as he takes a full, slow breath. It's become very obvious in the past several weeks that he actually quite likes being touched - or rather, being touched by Erwin. So far, he's never felt incidentally aroused, but they've never deliberately explored like this, either. Honestly, he doesn't really know what will happen. He's never...tried to make his body interested, so it could go either way, really. It doesn't matter though - as far as he's concerned, Erwin is the main course right now.
He shrugs out of the shirt, rolling his shoulders and tugging the garment off his wrists before searching for a place to put it. It gets chucked into a nearby chair, and then his hands begin to work unhurriedly at Erwin's buttons in turn.
The extra weight looks good on Levi. He doesn't look starved, like almost all of them did back home; he looks like someone who is able to eat whenever he wants, and drink whatever tea he wants. It's a good look on him.
"Thank you." With Levi working on his shirt for him, Erwin's hand is free to keep roaming, to keep exploring. He traces his fingertips along Levi's rib, over the scars left behind by years of using the ODM gear. He avoids Levi's back, since that seems to make him sleepy, and that's the opposite of what Erwin wants today. He wants Levi to enjoy this too; it's no fun if it's all about Erwin alone.
With that thought in mind, Erwin's hand drifts to Levi's crotch, and rubs gently between his legs.
It could be that those soothing touches are what signal to his ever vigilant brain that he's with someone and somewhere safe enough to fall asleep, rather than the entirety of his back. There might be sensitive places there even Levi isn't aware of yet - many of those, in fact, have yet to be discovered.
Erwin's fingertips feel good against his skin, leaving tingling trails in their wake as they explore. But when his hand moves lower before Levi's even finished with the buttons on his shirt (and thus interrupting his progress), he flicks Erwin a faintly exasperated glare.
"Impatient, aren't you?" he mutters, gently pushing him away, redirecting the hand to his waist so he can finish with the last few fastenings unimpeded. It seems he isn't quite ready for that, yet.
Shirt finally finished, Levi slips his hands under the edges of the fabric, pressing palms and fingertips to heated skin. They've seen one another before more than once, but deliberately touching like this has happened comparatively little. He explores the planes of Erwin's stomach, softer now than when he first arrived, and Levi thinks that's OK - there's plenty of strength in him yet, and he probably eats and sleeps better than he has in years. Good.
His fingers find scars, tracing around their edges, sliding over a nipple and tracing to his heart. Here he pauses, left hand splayed wide as though he can feel Erwin's heart beating blood through his veins. Alive, strong, healthy. The gold band on his finger is warmed by the heat of their skin, glinting in the lamplight. In that moment it all feels so fucking surreal again, an impossible dream that he would inevitably wake up from like that vision in the Labyrinth. Perhaps that's why he struggles to believe it at times, because they've tried to bring that dream into this reality, such as it is, and for the most part, it's working. All they have here is time, and in the end, that's all he'd asked for.
But surely, it's too good to be true. It always is, because he can never hold onto anything or anyone. He can't protect anyone except himself, and they'll all slip through his fingers one by one until--
No. Not now.
He's careful not to show any of his thoughts on his face, because Erwin can read him too fucking well sometimes, and Levi doesn't want either of them to be distracted by the intrusive thoughts that invade his mind nearly every day.
Instead he shifts back a little further on his lap, retrieving his hand with his own to raise it to his lips and press a soft kiss to his knuckles. Then, a gentle tug.
"Sit up." Time to lose the rest of the shirt, sir.
"I can't help it when you look this good." But Erwin lets Levi move his hand without any complaint, and caresses Levi's waist where his hand is placed. Levi is still slender enough that the deep creases, formed by muscle, are still there above his hips, and Erwin is going to devote his attention to those. He's sure Gunther had a name for these lines, and he's sure it was something rude enough to get its mention banned around campfires.
Erwin goes still when Levi presses his hand over his heart, looking up at him carefully. He has a pretty good idea of what's going through Levi's head, now and every time he gets distracted by the beating of Erwin's heart. It happens often enough, even when Levi thinks he's being slick, that Erwin has figured out Levi is placing a tremendous amount of importance on Erwin's heart and its ability to keep beating. He'd only do that if he was afraid of it stopping.
It won't stop here, Erwin is sure. He's making friends here, and avoiding the more obvious dangers wherever and whenever he can. He hasn't seen a titan in months, and that has been more refreshing than he'd ever imagined. But if they ever go back home...
No. No, not right now. Save that for later.
When Levi kisses his hand, Erwin flips it around to cradle Levi's cheek. Then he sits up, the muscles of his abdomen still strong under the thin layer of fat he's packed on in this place. He sits up and immediately goes for a kiss, trying to coax Levi towards him with the hand on his face.
A kiss is exactly what he wants. Something soft and grateful comes into his eyes as he leans into that hand and into that kiss, and it's the most perfect one they've shared, just as the next will be more perfect than this.
Had we but world and time enough
They have both. It isn't the world they know, but it's enough, and every day is likely more time than they'll ever have, which so often both feels like more than and never enough. But in this moment, it is.
Levi takes his time with the kiss, lets everything outside this room fall away as his hands press to Erwin's skin again, memorizing the sensation of his warmth and solidity. Sightlessly he retraces some paths he'd found before, palms shifting a little wider now to push fabric out of the way. But as his left hand comes up to Erwin's right shoulder, he pauses, waiting to see if Erwin will stop him and take over. If not, he'll continue, sliding the shirt and empty sleeve away to let it fall behind that broad back. The other hand will do the same, leaving the garment to hang from the crook of Erwin's elbow until he's ready to finish the rest.
All the while, Levi never stops kissing him. Soft, lingering meetings of lips, each like a little, unspoken promise. Only here. Only now. Only this.
Finished with his task, he shifts closer, neatly slotting their hips together. It's not possible to tell if there's any signs of physical interest in him just yet, but he settles his left hand at the side of Erwin's neck, fingertips sliding against the tingly softness of his undercut. Levi finally tears himself away from Erwin's lips long enough to trail his own up towards his ear and mutter lowly:
When Levi's hand reaches his right shoulder and pauses, Erwin moves with it, helping Levi push his shirt off his shoulder. He's not embarrassed of his stump; not here, not with Levi. When they're together like this, Erwin swears he can feel his vanished arm, like nothing ever happened to it, and he wraps it around Levi's back. He knows it's an illusion and it's something his mind has conjured on its own, but it still feels like it's there.
Levi slides onto his lap and Erwin groans softly against his lips; Levi is putting pressure on his cock again and the weight is immense and teasing. He keeps his own hips still, though; Levi wants to lead the charge today, and Erwin is letting him. He's doing wonderfully so far--the man has a real knack for edging, it turns out--and Erwin is going to see where this all leads.
He laughs when Levi asks for a poem, breathy and disbelieving, and slides his hand from Levi's cheek to behind his head. Erwin moves so that his mouth is beside Levi's ear, and whispers into it.
"Coming together it is easier to work after our bodies meet paper and pen neither care nor profit whether we write or not but as your body moves under my hands charged and waiting we cut the leash you create me against your thighs hilly with images moving through our word countries my body writes into your flesh the poem you make of me.
Touching you I catch midnight as moon fires set in my throat I love your flesh into blossom I made you and take you made into me."
It's a new poem he read here, and memorised immediately. He hopes Levi likes it.
The words seem to alight onto his skin as Erwin speaks, written in the low, velvet tone of his voice. It prickles pleasurably along his spine, tingling at the base of his neck and out to his fingertips and he presses them in harder where they hold. Warm breath caresses against his ear, spirals over his neck and a shiver flutters down his back, unfurling like wings.
They're pressed so close now, chest to chest, heart to heart, and as Erwin holds him with just one arm, Levi could almost swear he can feel the other curling around his back, enveloping him in their whole embrace. He has never known a place safer or more peaceful than this.
Although perhaps a bit less peaceful now, as everything together seems to set his senses alight in a way he's never experienced before, had only had a faint inkling of in the kitchen earlier when Erwin had set lips to his throat. Heat seems to ripple into his veins like fire catching kindling, and as Erwin finishes the poem Levi exhales a low, shuddering breath. Moon fires in his throat indeed.
I made you, he'd said, and Levi feels his heart answer: you did. This is the man who had taken him out of the darkness and gave him sunlight. This is the man who had looked at him and had seen more than a gutter rat and a criminal and given him real purpose, who could envision a future Levi couldn't even begin to comprehend but could do nothing but be compelled to follow. This is the man who gave him a place and acceptance and, unfathomably, love.
His breaths come a little heavier now, thighs flexing as he seems to try to press even closer, molding himself against Erwin as though he could be taken made into him that way. Cheek to cheek, he turns his head just enough to make sure his lips are at Erwin's ear in in response.
"Not bad," he breathes, his voice rougher than before, "husband."
Hot kisses follow, trailing along Erwin's jaw back to his lips. Levi's not any more hurried than before, but there's a distinct increase in pressure and heat that's never been previously present.
Oh no, what has Erwin done? What has he created? Is Levi a poetrysexual now?
No, actually, that's fine. Erwin's got a lot more where that came from.
He laughs softly at Levi's reaction, but his breath hitches when Levi calls him husband. Erwin has been tossing that word around left and right, using it whenever he can, but this might be the first time he's heard Levi use it. It sounds different when it comes from Levi, more weighted with connotation and meaning. It sends little ripples of heat up and down Erwin's spine, and his hand shifts from Levi's face to the small of his back (only pausing to shake his shirt off and let it fall aside), pressing him against Erwin's chest.
"Had we but world enough, and time, Loving you, my husband, would be no crime..."
There's no need to recite the rest of it. Erwin knows Levi will understand what he means.
Erwin likely will never fully understand the power of just the sound of his voice. It's deep and rich and just soaks into Levi's core, reaching all the way through him. It always has. Levi could listen to him recite the most inane bullshit for hours (and has, sometimes, considering some of the things that they manage to find in the library here), and would be perfectly content (or, admittedly, asleep, but soundly resting). He manages to put so many different meanings into just the subtle changes in the way he says his name, and Levi understands every one implicitly.
Those words curl around his heart, the only things containing it, and Levi just sinks into Erwin, arms looping around his neck and toes curling at the heated press of skin to skin. A soft noise looses from the back of his throat, as he just kisses him thoroughly, hunger slowly building with each one.
He can still feel Erwin's need beneath him - Levi certainly hasn't forgotten about that, even if he still hasn't quite decided on a strategy yet. But after a few moments, he starts to shift and slowly roll his hips against that hardness, bracing himself on Erwins shoulders for a little leverage.
While Erwin is aware of Levi liking the sound of his voice, he has never realised just how much he likes it. He knows he has the power to get Levi to relax, and even fall asleep sometimes, just by talking, but he will likely never quite understand how it affects Levi on other levels. To him, it's just his voice.
Which manages to go up an octave or so when Levi starts rolling his hips forward, pressing against him. Erwin can't help the breathy little yelp that escapes, a sound decidedly less sexy than his poetry recitation. He's still very eager and very turned on, and getting that direct pressure is like a cool drink on a hot day. His hand falls to Levi's thigh and grips, holding there so he doesn't try to yank Levi up against him again.
That's precisely it - it's Erwin's voice. No one else could ever have quite the same effect on him. Of that, Levi is certain.
He moves, slow, deliberate, leaving butterfly kisses on Erwin's throat, pressing his lips over a scar and feeling the pulse there. From then until now, he has followed him, in search of a future that only Erwin seemed to be able to see. Neither of them could have foreseen that they would land here, or any place like it. Perhaps they wouldn't have guessed, wouldn't have dared to imagine they would end up here, like this. Only in their most-secret hearts, and even then...
His hands slide over heated skin, smoothing over Erwin's broader chest, around the curve of shoulders. The fingertips of his left hand skim just above the jagged edges of Erwin's right arm, his gaze distracted with more kisses and grazes of teeth. Levi isn't entirely sure what is welcome when it comes to the injury, so he skips past it and back to his chest, exploring and tracing downward.
After a few moments, if Erwin doesn't resume his own touches, Levi will pull back, concerned, and a little confused.
It's for the best that Levi doesn't touch Erwin's stump. He's one of the few people who could without advance warning, but now is not the time. Erwin doesn't know if he'll ever reach a point where he'll be able to view the stump as something worthy of love and affection, but that point certainly isn't now. Him touching it would also ruin the illusion, fragmentary and only in Erwin's head as it is, that he still has both arms and can hold Levi with both at once.
Erwin laughs a little when Levi pulls back and shakes his head. "You're doing too well." He leans back in, nudging Levi gently with his nose and kissing him at the corner of his mouth. "You keep grinding on me like that and this is going to be over fast."
Is Erwin enjoying being edged? Yes, maybe a littleA LOT definitely. He's trying to keep things in his pants and go at Levi's pace, but it's getting progressively more challenging.
It's not the injury that's worthy of love and affection, it's Erwin, and Levi knows that he still complicated feelings about it and probably always will. That's fine, but if there's any worry in Erwin that it somehow makes him less, Levi wants to banish that.
"...oh," he says, perhaps a little awkwardly, shifting back. He feels a little at a standstill. Wasn't that kind of the point?
Levi thinks a moment, hands splayed wide on Erwin's chest, just settled there. The bruises from the maneuver gear have long faded from his body, though some permanent marks and roughened skin remain. He traces one such spot idly with the pad of one finger, back and forth, and finally seems to come to a decision as his gaze travels back up to Erwin's.
"Lie back." And he accompanies the words with a little push to Erwin's chest.
"I want you to be having a good time too." Erwin lies back without complaint, but feels the need to explain himself as he lowers down to the mattress. "This has been all about me so far."
Is he too hung up on dicks? Yeah, probably. Erwin learned about sex in a certain way, and the fact that Levi hasn't responded to him in the way he expects is baffling. He doesn't want this all to be for his benefit only!
Levi sweeps his gaze pointedly over Erwin's naked chest and torso, eyes returning to his face as he cocks his head in a way that looks almost challenging. "What makes you think I'm not?"
The man he's followed for years now, as bright and beautiful as the sun is half undressed on the bed before him, his lips are swelled softly with kisses and his hair lightly mussed already. Erwin has given him so much already - a purpose beyond mere survival, a place at his side, bathed in light. He built him up, gave him wings and let him be surrounded by people who didn't see him as just a violent gutter rat. He's lost an arm, risked his own life for the whole of the Survey Corps and will probably turn the world completely on its head one day.
And after all of that, Erwin gave Levi the remaining pieces of himself, to cherish and carry, and to allow at least some part of him to be loved.
Which is so much more than just dicks, even when it comes to sex, as far as he's concerned.
He slides his palms down over Erwin's chest, then up again, tracing, feeling the rise and fall of his breath. His thumbs circle slowly over dark nipples, teasing briefly before continuing upward again, where he cups his palms to Erwin's face, leans up to take over the whole of his vision, and kisses him.
Maybe Erwin will understand all of this someday, but the way Levi feels about him is a permanent blind spot. He doesn't think he did anything all that spectacular; he found someone who could be a valuable asset, attained that asset, then trained him up and made him a Survey Corps member. Simple, really. And then, somewhere along the line, Levi lost his mind and decided he loved Erwin. Erwin knows that part is true--Levi isn't nearly a good enough liar to pull it off if it weren't--but the whys and hows of it will always elude him.
Levi sees sunshine where Erwin sees a monster, and that's not something likely to change.
Erwin still doesn't quite understand what Levi is getting out of this, but he's not willing to argue. He simply looks up at him, eyes wide and vaguely confused, but he nods. All right, Levi; he trusts you. If you say you're getting something out of this, Erwin will believe you.
Erwin lifts his head a little to watch Levi's hands on his chest. He hisses in a sharp breath when Levi touches his nipples; he'd never thought about them as being sensitive before, but that's another mystery solved today. As it turns out, they are, and tighten to attention under Levi's fingertips.
When Levi goes in for a kiss, Erwin meets him gladly, his cheeks flushing faintly under the intimacy of both Levi's hands on his face. His hand moves from Levi's thigh to the small of his back, pressing him in against Erwin's abdomen, and damn if it doesn't feel like Erwin's ghostly right arm is moving again to join its partner in holding Levi.
He didn't lose his mind. Erwin has been the only thing he's ever been so sure about in his entire chaotic existence. Levi tethered himself to his cause, but through it came to understand the man. It isn't just that Erwin turned him into more than he could have hoped to be on his own, but also that Erwin has never once degraded him, never derided his origins or his intelligence or his experience. Even in those early days when Levi acted out, still had so much difficulty navigating a new set of seemingly inexplicable and unspoken social rules, Erwin never once made him feel lesser. After scraping to survive in the bottom dregs of society for most of his life, how could Levi not love him for that?
Their bond didn't spring inexplicably from nowhere.
The kiss is slow, but heated. He strokes thumbs over Erwin's cheekbones, delves deeply into his mouth with tongue and teeth, as though he could fill him up with all that he means to him from between his lips. The hand on his back is wide and warm, and Levi allows himself to be pressed close, making a soft noise at the back of his throat to encourage more touches to his skin.
Sadly, Erwin lacks the number of hands to do what he really wants, which is to touch Levi everywhere, all at once, to cover his skin with Erwin's hands and hold him close at the same time. He'll settle for keeping his hand pressed on Levi's back, drawing him in close and then holding him there.
The kiss and Levi's hands on his face has Erwin's head swimming. He's never been kissed with such intent, with such purpose, before, and he's the one that's forced to break it. He has to come up for air, and he laughs, breathless and a little giddy.
"And here I thought I'd be the one teaching you." Turns out that Levi's very astute physical instincts apply here as well!
A frown flickers over his face. "I told you I know how it works..."
It isn't all that complicated to figure out, really, is it? Even if he doesn't end up taking it up the ass (definitely not something he's prepared to do right now anyway, for a dozen different reasons) or even letting Erwin get him off, there's still many more options to be had.
And if there's one thing that Levi has learned in these last few months, it's how Erwin likes to be kissed. He's not starting from scratch like some kind of sheltered, clueless virgin.
His hands slide down to just rest on Erwin's chest as he sits back, brows drawn and feeling a little self-conscious.
For the record, Erwin has no intentions of putting anything up Levi's ass, certainly not today or any time in the near future. His own ass, on the other hand, is fair game, now and always. But they'll get to that discussion later.
Erwin tilts his head when Levi sits up. How is it that it's Erwin who keeps making stupid mistakes today and putting his foot in his mouth? Perhaps this whole interaction has been evidence of how, while he's no virgin, Erwin has also never been in a relationship. This navigating of emotions is still new to him, and his usual silver tongue speaking skills have abandoned him.
"I thought I'd be the one leading things." His hand slides to Levi's hip and gently caresses there. "I should have known better. Whatever you try, you excel at it. I don't know why I thought this would be different."
...something about those words hits uncomfortably.
At first, he's not really sure what it is. The frown already half-set into his brow deepens, gray gaze shifting away. Sure, many physical skills come easy to him, like an intuition that extends throughout the whole of his body. But the implication that he would of course be naturally good at sex has him shifting awkwardly.
Perhaps he inherited some of her skills.
The memory tightens his chest briefly, but Levi attempts to dismiss it with an impatient huff. Of course he knows (he knows) that Erwin hadn't meant anything like that.
"You could be leading," he intones dryly, shifting his focus back to Erwin. "Seems like you got confused when I didn't want you touching my dick right away, though. What's the matter, can't figure out how else to have fun?"
Erwin would never! He knows how Levi feels about his mother, and he's pieced together enough details to know about her profession. It wasn't terribly difficult; there are only so many things a woman alone can do in the underground. He has wondered if she had the same strange, powerful strength as Levi, but he has to assume she didn't, or didn't know how to access it.
Later, Erwin will realise how his words could have been misconstrued, and he'll be kicking himself. A fancy new soap is going to appear in their bathroom in a couple of days, as a mute apology.
For now, though, all he hears is Levi saying you could be leading. Suddenly, Erwin is sitting up in one fluid motion, his arm going around Levi's waist and clamping down. In the same movement, Erwin uses his legs to push up from the mattress and roll. He's on top now, with his elbow braced on the bed near Levi's head, filling his vision and with his weight pressing down on Levi's legs.
"I've got some ideas." The first of which involves dropping his head to kiss along the column of Levi's throat.
Levi has also more than likely told Erwin about his mother directly - it's not something he's ashamed of, for himself or for her; she'd done what she needed to to survive. As far as he's concerned, sex work is just another sort of occupation, one that some willingly choose and others do out of desperation, like other things. She had been an ordinary person; perhaps if she'd had a moment of awakening in the way that her son and brother did, she would still be alive, and things would be different...
He'll never know.
But wherever that heightened intuition came from, Levi feels it prickle just before Erwin moves suddenly and rolls them both over. He tenses, managing to fight off the instinct to dodge the grab of the arm around his waist because it's Erwin and there's no killing intent behind any of it. It still sends a jolt through his body, his pulse spiking, although from adrenaline or from arousal, it's impossible to say.
And for a few of those rapid heartbeats, Levi stares up at him in a quiet anticipation, back pressed to the soft mattress, legs pinned beneath Erwin's heavier weight. His hands are still flat against that broad chest, though not pushing away. Briefly, he wets his lips, mouth suddenly dry, waiting-
...and then warm lips are against his neck again, sending tendrils of pleasure all throughout his veins. A shuddering breath breaks free when Erwin's mouth passes over his pulse, fingertips pressing against warm skin before one hand finds its way into soft blonde hair, and his chin tilts upward in implicit permission for more. Dark eyelashes flutter against pale cheeks.
"Good-..." he manages, voice rough. Such a simple thing, yet it seems to be having quite the effect. "...about time."
Getting too physical with Levi always carries an inherent risk; Erwin has seen him lash out at other people enough times, and been on the receiving end of it a time or two himself, to not understand the danger. As far as he's concerned, the danger is half the fun, along with the fact that he knows and trusts Levi won't harm him. Dancing on the edge of getting thrown across a room is hot, and no one will ever convince Erwin otherwise.
He lifts his head just a little, his mouth still close to Levi's skin, just above one of the pulse points in his neck. "Can you put the pillows under my right shoulder, please?"
Being on top when you only have one arm to support yourself is difficult, and the pillows will help Erwin keep his balance.
Meanwhile, he turns his attention back to Levi's throat, trailing long, soft kisses down the length of it. When he gets to the base of Levi's neck, where it joins his shoulder, the kisses get harder, more insistent. Erwin isn't biting, but odds are Levi is going to have some bruises there come tomorrow morning.
For Erwin, it's knowing that Levi could and doesn't, and for Levi it's ceding that vulnerability, allowing him close, that he still has the strength to move him, to use his heavier weight to hold him in place. It's nothing he couldn't break free of if he truly wanted, but it's the fact that he doesn't want to is the thrill.
He breathes, and manages to shift and grope around enough to get the extra pillows stacked for Erwin to rest against, feeling perhaps a little guilty in an odd way that he's in an uncomfortable position - but it was Erwin who had brought them here, so Levi isn't going to fuss about it. The man could just fully collapse on him, for all he cares right now.
One palm rests at the back of Erwin's neck, fingers absently swathing through the short fuzz of his undercut, the sensation sweet and grounding even as his mouth continues along his throat. Levi shivers hard, a stifled groan eliciting from the back of this throat when those kisses turn into something harder. If Erwin does try to set teeth into skin, he'll flinch and try to push him back with a hiss of not that. But otherwise, a flush is creeping over pale skin once again, his breath coming in slower, heavier pants.
Give it a little more time, and Erwin probably will just collapse on Levi. For now, though, the pillows help, and he breathes a word of thanks against Levi's neck. If this is going to be a recurring thing, they're going to need some wedge-shaped pillows to prop up Erwin's right side.
Erwin pays close attention to every sound Levi makes, every motion of his hand on the back of Erwin's head. He doesn't use his teeth on him, but his lips press harder, more insistent, as he works his way back and forth across Levi's collarbones. As he does, Erwin shifts his legs, moving them so they're not completely pinning Levi's any longer. Then, using his knee, he tries to nudge one of Levi's legs up, into a bent knee position, between Erwin's legs.
It's not hard to decipher those physical cues, tangling their legs and bringing his knee up to fit between Erwin's, pressing firmly against the bulge between his legs that must surely still be there. He shifts experimentally, seeing if it's possible to give him a little bit of friction by rubbing there, and shudders when those insistent lips find another sensitive bit of skin. Every so often he noses Erwin back, seeking lips for lips and a brief reprieve from the attack on his clavicles. The hand at the back of his neck stays there, thumb stroking idly along the line of skin just under his ear, while the other slides over that broad, beautiful back, feeling old scars and the length of his spine and the movement of muscles under skin. He can't quite reach his ass - damn his long, gorgeous upper body - but he can scrape nails against ribs or over vertebrae.
Levi exhales, gray eyes slipping closed just to concentrate on the sensations, of the feel of the man beneath his fingertips that alights little fires on his skin.
Erwin's ass is a disappointment anyway, as Levi probably knows by now. He doesn't so much have an ass as he has a lower back that simply runs into the tops of his thighs. One would think his thick, heavily muscled thighs would translate into a juicy, considerable ass, but they do not. He can't help it, he's just drawn that way.
Erwin is more than happy to come up for air whenever Levi nudges him, turning the tide of his attack on Levi's collarbones to his lips, and then trailing it down his neck again after a few slow, drawn-out kisses. Is he rutting his erection shamelessly up against Levi's thigh while he does so? He absolutely is! Edging is fun and all but if this goes on too much longer, he's going to explode.
Unfortunately, Levi is rather distracted by lips on his neck again, not quite realizing how close the other man is. It seemed as though Erwin had wanted to draw things out, since Levi had been too good earlier, he's not really sure if he should be doing anything to help him along yet. In truth, he's lost a bit of the thread of expectations here, just keeping his thigh in place for Erwin to rub against, since this seems to be what he wants. But surely Erwin will at least say something before he just creams himself in his pants...right?
Maybe they made this too complicated - maybe he should have just gone for it right there in the kitchen and shoved his hand in his pants and helped him along. But he'd been too - unsure.
Slowly, one hand leaves off to snake between them, attempts to catch Erwin as he ruts against his thigh, rubbing him with his palm for a few strokes (fuck he's thick and hard, and it's gotta be uncomfortable with something like this still trapped?) before popping the button of his pants.
In the heat of the moment, Erwin is and has been giving mixed signals this whole time. He'll realise that later on, when cooler heads prevail, and make a quiet vow to be more direct in the future. It's so rare for he and Levi to be out of step with each other that when it does happen, it takes him by surprise.
Erwin leans his hips back when he feels Levi move his hand between them, and he groans against Levi's lips when he first touches him and then pops the button of his fly. His cock pushes out of the gap in his pants, aided by both gravity and Erwin pushing his hips forward, and he shoves it into Levi's hand. They're only separated by the thin fabric layer of Erwin's underwear now, and Erwin drops his head down to rest on the pillow next to Levi's ear. He's panting through his mouth, his entire body trembling and keyed up, and his hand clenches into a fist against the mattress.
This is entirely new territory for both of them in many ways. It is strange, and it might take a little while for them to figure it out. But they'll get there, eventually.
He scrapes nails lightly at the soft fuzz of hair at the back of Erwin's neck, nuzzles against his cheek and loses a sharp exhale when Erwin pleads and says his name like that. The sound seems to tingle all down his spine, making him shiver and something stir low in his own belly. He can feel some arousal happening, but it's easy enough to ignore in favor of Erwin pushing his barely covered cock into his hand. It's not the best angle for it, especially given the size difference between them, Levi can really only barely reach him.
"Come here," he instructs gently, voice coming out a little rougher than he expects, and guides Erwin a little closer. He'll have to arch his back to shift forward. It'd be more comfortable for them both on his back, but truthfully, Levi gets the impression that it won't take much.
After a bit, Erwin is close enough that Levi can rub his palm along his length, feel the shape of him just beneath the fabric. He swears under his breath, licks his lips, feeling his heart beating heavily. And then he slides his hand past cloth to find heated, silky skin. A thick dampness greets his palm as precome smears against his hand. It should be disgusting, but instead it's just stupidly hot, to feel physical proof of just how far gone Erwin is already.
"Fuck Erwin-" his voice is hoarse as he rubs his palm slowly along every inch he can reach, carefully wraps his fingers around thickness of him and feels a very distinct twinge between his own legs.
Levi gives a few inexperienced, but experimental tugs, careful not to be too rough.
They always figure things out, sooner or later. As long as they're together, and have time, nothing can stop them.
Erwin grunts softly and squirms upwards at Levi's instructions. Levi could tell him to do almost anything right now, and Erwin would obey without question. It's not often that he gets to let go like this, to let someone else take the reins and guide him; it's so hard for him to cede control. There needs to be a deep trust built up for him to even consider it. With Levi, like this, it comes naturally, without Erwin even thinking about it.
He pants, open-mouthed, into Levi's ear as Levi swears quietly and then gets his hand inside Erwin's pants. The feel of his hand on him has Erwin shuddering, his entire body gone tight and aching with need, and it's a physical battle to not explode immediately.
Then Levi starts urging him onward, and Erwin is rendered helpless, all his resistances crumbling like sandcastles built along the shore.
"Levi, I'm... I'm..."
That's all the warning Levi is going to get, before Erwin is shivering helplessly and coming into his hand.
The way that Erwin says his name just before he comes, hot and breathless into his ear, imprints immediately into his memory. It stops his breath, makes his heart stutter, but in the next few heartbeats he feels something warm and thick land on his bare torso and begin to coat his hand as Erwin climaxes above him. Levi clings to him, his other hand tight and steadying at the back of his neck and breathing hard along with him. A few more tugs, a few more ribbons of cum land on his skin, and he shivers underneath Erwin trembling above him.
A strange feeling seems to come over him, a tingling in his limbs and fingers and toes, almost as though he'd been the one who'd orgasmed. Levi turns his face to press into Erwin's cheek, breathing, holding, taking in the scent and the feeling of...everything, in this moment. He leaves a kiss at the corner of his lips, on his cheek, his jaw, his brow, his nose, and finally seeks his lips. When his mind catches up, he'll be sure to get Erwin to collapse not directly on top of him so as not to cement them together with the mess rapidly cooling on his skin. The more time passes, the more he becomes aware of it on his stomach, chest, between his fingers.
"Hey," he mumbles softly, bumping their noses together. "Still with me?"
Erwin notices Levi's kisses, but he doesn't have the capacity to respond to them until Levi reaches his mouth. That gets Erwin's attention, at least part of it, and he gamely kisses him back.
Slowly, the world is creeping back in. The aftershocks of his orgasm are dying away, and Erwin focuses his eyes down the length of his nose so he can see Levi.
"Yes." His breath comes out in a rumbling sigh. "Still with you. Always."
With that, Erwin slowly crumples over onto his right side, landing next to Levi on the bed. Even as content and empty-headed as he is right now, he knows Levi wouldn't want him falling on him and spreading his come around.
He tries to make that collapse a little easier, guiding him down and shuffling pillows around so as not to put too much pressure on the stump. Eventually, one-handed himself (because he can't touch anything until he's clean, and that needs to be soon, holding the soiled hand a little away form himself and focusing on Erwin more than the voice in his head telling him to scrub), he gets Erwin situated more comfortably. Sitting beside him, he drops a soft kiss to the top of his head, brushing blonde hair away from his face with his clean hand.
"Feel better?" Levi asks quietly, looking down at him. He...looks better. Relaxed, in a very different way than he has previously.
Fortunately, Erwin only touched Levi and the bed sheets with his hand, so he assumes it's still clean enough for Levi's standards. He reaches up and snags Levi's hand when he touches his hair, bringing it to his mouth so he can kiss his knuckles.
Erwin makes a long, affirmative humming noise in response to Levi's question before looking up at him with hazy, blissed out eyes. "Yes." He presses another kiss to Levi's hand before releasing him. "Go get cleaned up, then come back?"
Levi did the dirty work today and got splattered, and Erwin knows that must be bothering him. Hopefully his washing won't take long and he can come back and cuddle for awhile afterwards, before Erwin falls asleep.
For just a moment more, Levi gazes at him, letting the sight of Erwin relaxed and content sink into his memory. Sex hasn't mattered to them up to this point, apparently might not have even been possible if it had, but he's glad that despite their mutual fumbling, he's glad that they managed to make it work and he could give Erwin this.
Something almost like a smile flickers on his face before he leans in and drops a soft, grateful kiss to Erwin's forehead.
"Okay..." Another follows for good measure, as he mumbles into blonde hair. "Thanks." He doesn't need permission to go, but it's everything just to have that understanding even so.
He slips away, glancing back at Erwin once with an unreadable expression and a funny feeling in his chest, and goes to wash. He'd prefer a shower, but even with his expedited routine, he doesn't want to keep Erwin waiting too long. So he just scrubs thoroughly at all of his skin, strips his remaining clothing to wash and pulls on something more comfortable - one of Erwin's shirts, in fact, buttoned only halfway.
Eventually, Levi returns to Erwin - his Commander, his lover, his husband - bringing a warm damp cloth in case there's anything he missed, and offers it as he settles next to him on the bed, half propped with pillows against the headboard.
While Levi is busy cleaning up, Erwin slips into a light doze while he enjoys the afterglow. It's the warm towel in his hand that rousts him, and he smiles sleepily up at Levi as he dabs at his chest. It's a half-hearted effort at best--he trusts Levi to have gotten the mess earlier, but he'll still make a few token passes before using a corner of the cloth to dry himself off.
"Hi." Levi, what are you doing leaning against the headboard? Erwin reaches for him, with the clear intent to pull him down and against his chest.
He just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything leftover, because it would be a rude awakening to realize what that is in the middle of the night when he's actually trying to sleep.
So fine, he sets it off to the side with their shirts - he can wash everything later - and lets Erwin tug him down. He'd had more intention to wait until Erwin fell asleep and then go about his night until he is actually ready for bed...
...but no, this is nice, especially because it's become no secret between them that he loves to bury his face in Erwin's chest. Which he does now, happily, and holds him close.
That would be gross, and Erwin will be thankful for Levi's diligence later on. Right now, he's too floppy and warm and delightfully empty-headed to really care.
Erwin makes a soft, happy purring sound when Levi joins him, and he wraps his arm tight around Levi's shoulders. He's well aware that Levi will probably get up and do other things for awhile, but Erwin appreciates him sticking around as he drifts off. This time, Levi shouldn't be too inconvenienced; Erwin can already feel sleep tugging him down.
"Should do that again sometime." He plants a kiss on the top of Levi's head.
This is certainly more familiar ground. That sound tingles pleasantly down his spine in a contented sort of way, and Levi leaves a few kisses to Erwin's chest and collar bones, snuggling closer. Now, skin on skin and the warmth of it feels soothing, enough that he might doze a little himself. Levi tangles their legs, scratches fondly at a place between Erwin's shoulder blades, and just hums softly in agreement.
Amazing? That's beyond amazing, I ... Can hardly believe it. ( They sound stunned, just completely stunned by this. Likely, he can hear the gears turning in their head as they search for words. ) I'd very much like to talk to one of these people, yes. I need to write my questions down, there's ... so much ...
This is Lieutenant Tayrey. She knows both Levi and I, and has been very patient answering my questions. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you as well.
Oh! Yes, she did message me; we hadn't introduced ourselves. I'll pick her brain as much as I'm allowed, certainly. But, ah ...
( They pause. )
This brings up ... a question. I'm not sure how much you could know about our home after being brought here, but ... Maybe I should fill you and Levi in. It'd feel wrong of me to not tell you first and to then go ahead and fill in the friends you've made here, you know?
[Yes, that is a serious topic which they should go over, as much as Erwin is both dreading and looking forward to it. Erwin's voice is somber when he answers.]
Yes, we should. I've pieced together certain details already, but it would be good to hear it from someone who experienced it. I know I would appreciate it.
Levi might be... more resistant. And it might be easier if the two of you had this conversation alone.
[ Jean was right; it was probably a good idea to wait, when her anger isn't so burning mad, and she feels less intense. The anger is still there, a quiet rage inside of her, but it's less likely that she is going to end up getting herself into more trouble, the threat of violence taking a break for the threat of tears to come instead.
Jean is beside her as they approach the commander's door, and Mikasa's face is set in a straight line: she's hiding behind her usual deadpan irritation, tucking it away for later. Hopefully, Erwin doesn't do anything to inspire any more rage inside of her because she's not sure if she would be able to cope with that.
She doesn't look at Jean as she lifts her hand to knock on the door, just in case her attention wavers. She also hopes that Levi doesn't answer: that will be awkward for him more than her. ]
[ Jean's glad that asking her to wait a day worked out in curbing some of the anger. He's sure this is still going to be a shit show, of course, he's a realist after all, but maybe it won't end in blood and tears, just blood or tears.
Jean would like to hold her hand or put his hand on her back, but he recognizes the straight line of her back and knows better than to. Instead he has a similar expression on his face, trying for neutral. He's still bad with masking his eyes, though, and there's clearly anger and grief in them.
He folds his arms and waits after she knocks, not saying anything. ]
[Erwin suspected this was coming. All it took was hearing about the kids snubbing Levi at the ball last night, and the pointed way they avoided him, for him to put two and two together. Teenaged dramatics are exhausting, but he knows this is something that needs to be dealt with, and quickly. So he's shooed Levi and Hange out for the day, and has been waiting quietly for what he knows is coming.]
[He's also done some subtle preparations of his own. When he answers the door, he's dressed all in white, the way they would remember him from their early days in the Survey Corps. He's also chosen to roll up the sleeves on his shirt, putting his metal, robotic right arm and hand on display. The straps keeping the arm on show through his white shirt, looking eerily reminiscent of the ODM gear straps.]
[He doesn't speak immediately; no one is getting the typical warm welcome Erwin usually delivers today. Instead, he looks from Mikasa to Jean and then back again. When he speaks, his voice is solemn and distant. It's not quite the Commander Voice--not yet--but the potential for it is definitely there.]
I certainly hope you two never play cards for money.
[Not a poker face among them. He holds open the door with his left arm and gestures them inside with the metal hand.]
[ Mikasa’s expression doesn’t flicker when he opens the door. He might be dressed up, trying to make them think back to a time where he was important in their lives, but that was years ago. Hange and Armin were the ones she called commander now, not him. It’s been years since Erwin was someone she consciously thought about, someone she might have fought hard to protect.
He’s certainly doing nothing to inspire that dedication here.
It’s really only Jean at her side that stops her from lashing out, and she looks Erwin in the eye without a hint of hesitation; her anger bristles through her like a lightning storm. The last time she was at this house she’d still trusted the inhabitants of it, and now her emotions are at war about it all. It’s her respect for Levi that helps soothe some of her irritation, and she nods her head once, sharply, as she steps inside.
She hovers a few steps in, waiting for Jean to join her, her crutch at the moment - and she’ll have to figure out some way to thank him later. ]
[ Jean is the one of the two of them who would be most susceptible to Erwin's preparations. It does make a pang of something in his chest to see him like that, to hear him use that voice. Erwin wasn't the reason he joined the Survey Corps in the first place though, and, like Mikasa, Hange and Armin are the Commanders that stick out in his mind.
Still, there's a flicker of something in his eyes - the childlike reaction to an elders disappointment - as he looks at Erwin, before he follows Mikasa into the house. When she briefly hovers, Jean keeps walking, trusting her to follow in his wake. He's headed for the table because he'll be damned if he has this conversation standing.
The arm is also new - it's the first time he's seeing it. ]
Appreciate you being willing to talk to us.
[ Because, well, he could have chosen not to. Jean sits down in a chair, waiting for the other two. ]
[Erwin follows Jean to the table and sits down. The table is bare; if this is going to devolve into childishness, Erwin would prefer that there's nothing easily on hand to throw. He rests his elbows on it and tents his hands.]
Go ahead. It's clear you have thoughts and opinions you'd like to share.
[ Jean folds his arms on the table, fingers entwined but not otherwise lifted; it's a move he's seen Armin use, so he's mirroring it here. His expression is, at the least, serious, and he's making an effort to actually hold back the anger and grief that's still present.
He glances to Mikasa, and when he gets whatever silent go-ahead he was looking for from her, he looks back to Erwin. ]
We'd like to hear your reasons for telling Eren about the future. We had planned on telling him ourselves, over time, so he wouldn't learn it all at once.
[ Jean has acknowledged this for himself as a lie; for Mikasa, that had been her plan. Jean figured it was better to prove a united front, though. ]
And what was your plan in the meantime? Eren has never struck me as a patient individual; were you going to allow him to twist in the wind and dream up scenarios about the future you were pointedly not sharing with him?
[ Mikasa’s voice is cold, her expression still stuck in that angry, dark stare as she gazes at Erwin. Unlike Jean, she hasn’t sat down; she stands behind him more like a bodyguard than a friend, as if primed to rip Erwin to pieces if she has to.
She grips the back of his chair. ]
We just got here. We needed time to adjust ourselves and to see how Eren was. There was no benefit in telling him anything when all it would do is hurt him, and it wasn’t your place. You weren’t there, so you had no right.
[ Her eyes narrow a little. ]
I was telling him things. Sharing things. When it was the right time, and not because you decided you knew best when you didn’t.
[Erwin is deeply unimpressed by the bodyguard theatrics. This is a conversation, not a barroom brawl, and he has no intent on attacking either one of them.]
And he wasn't asking you questions? He wasn't expressing frustration that you were keeping things from him?
[Maybe he wasn't, but Erwin finds that hard to believe. If Eren came to him, of all people, that probably means he'd exhausted all other avenues first.]
Where would that track have led, Mikasa? Would it have not been the right time if or when Eren tried to declare war on Vaeros, which he seemed to think I would gladly do with him? Would it not have been the right time if Eren regained his immense and dangerous powers and started using them against this world? Would it ever have been the right time to tell him your role, both of your roles, in his fate?
[He holds up his robotic hand.]
Which, if he has learned, it hasn't been from me. I'm not the doddering old fool you seem to think I am; I'm aware of the difference between information that hurts and information that destroys.
[ It's a comfort to him that Mikasa stands behind him, though he's undeniably nervous for the simple fact that if she decides to haul off and hit Erwin, he's going to have to jump across a table to stop her.
Erwin is right, at least on Jean's end; every time Eren asked a direct question, Jean would refuse to answer or, at least, acknowledge he didn't want to talk about it yet. Eren was left in the dark to figure out what was going on.
His rant on the network, which is still in full view of many people, that same day Erwin told him, also lingers in his mind. Even if Eren had insisted he didn't mean it, Jean knew that some part of him did.
A hand reaches up to rest over Mikasa's, briefly, before he lowers it. ]
No, he still doesn't know exactly who killed him. [ That's a reminder for Mikasa as well as confirmation for Erwin. ] Which I appreciate you keeping that way. It's her prerogative if she wants to tell him.
[ His expression is troubled, otherwise, about the information Erwin points out. Yeah, he's pretty bad at poker. ]
We weren't aware he'd decided he wanted to declare war on Vaeros until his conversation with you on the network. We hadn't had a chance to talk about how to address that.
None of that means it was your right to tell him any of it.
[ Mikasa is still so angry, a burning, simmering rage inside of her that wants to bubble free. Being overprotective of Eren is part of her, but it’s so much more here. It means so much more, with a second chance to show him how much she cares, to stand at his side. If anyone should understand that, it’s Erwin.
But he didn’t. And none of his arguments are helping to ease any of her hurt or her rage.]
I don’t think you’re a fool. I think you’re a dead man talking about things he wasn’t there for. You don’t know what you’re talking about, not when it comes to Eren, and this wasn’t your conversation to have with him. You knew we were here and could have directed him to Jean or me, and you didn’t. You decided you knew best, when you knew nothing at all.
[ She blinks, breathing in and out, closing her eyes for a moment. Who wouldn’t she fight for Eren? There’s no one in the world that could come between her and him, not even here, not even knowing what he does and what he becomes. She cannot abandon him, the bright flame of her love still alive in her heart. ]
You don’t get to play games with our lives any more.
[Quite frankly, Erwin thinks it would have been a very different story if he had been there. That’s something he’ll keep to himself, though; not to spare either of their feelings, but to spare Hange’s.]
And would you have told him the truth, if I’d directed him to either of you? Or would you have let your own grief and horror dictate what he knows, until or if you reach the point where you’re comfortable talking about it? And meanwhile, potentially thrown this world into the same kind of chaos you left behind?
[His expression actually softens a little here, as does his voice.]
I have no interest in interfering with your lives here. Deal with your grief or don’t, it’s all the same to me. But what I will not do is sit idly by when this world is threatened. I will not make the same mistakes twice and let the good people here have their lives thrown into chaos based on a child’s idea of freedom.
[ Jean listens to them both, caught between both points of view. Truthfully, he'd made the same argument to Mikasa about whether they would ever be ready to talk to Eren about what happened. He'd received much the same stonewalling; but he knows in his own heart of hearts he might have put it off forever. ]
I think, [ He cuts in here, his voice steadier than his expression appears to be, ] that we all made decisions we thought were in our best interests, and unfortunately both of those decisions ended up hurting Eren, in ways we couldn't avoid.
[ He nods to Erwin first. Sorry he's going for you first, Commander, but he's trying to make a point. ]
It wasn't your right to tell him any of it, but you were keeping your home safe. He needed to know where his actions might lead him, especially if he gets his powers back at any point.
[ Then, he turns to Mikasa, his expression going softer and a little pleading. ]
And we have been through the end of the world. We wanted to wait, and we should have been able to. But we were hurting Eren by not answering his questions, and you know that's true. Maybe if we had a better plan, we could have avoided this. But it got to this point and something had to be done.
[ Adding, tiredly: ]
You saw what he said to me, Mikasa. Even if he swore he didn't mean it later.
You still should have sent him to us. You're telling him about things you don't understand, because you weren't there.
[ Mikasa looks down at Jean, pursing her lips before she looks away. ]
I was telling him things. Just because it wasn't everything at once doesn't mean I was keeping secrets. I don't really care what your justification is, Erwin, or why you thought it was your job to do it, but it wasn't.
[ And now she looks back at him, her expression tight, anger held back. ]
If anything happens to Eren because of this, I will blame you, and I will kill you. I'll do that for him, no matter what he does.
[ And, as far as she's concerned, she's made her point; she's turning her back on them both and heading to the front door, tugging her boots out and storming out. She's not going to waste her time on someone who isn't going to listen to her - at least in her view - when she could be making sure Eren is alright. ]
[Erwin actually smiles when Mikasa threatens to kill him. Does she genuinely think this is the first time he's heard that threat? The first time he's heard that threat from an Ackerman? He's sure that this time, it won't eventually end in getting married, but still, the irony is entertaining.]
Of course.
[His voice has gone light and cheery as she storms away.]
Because protecting him from the consequences of his actions worked out so well the last time, didn't it?
[ Jean half turns in his seat, calling out to her. She doesn't hear him (or doesn't care) and keeps storming out the door. Jean's the one who's left to hear Erwin's truthful barb, and he turns to shoot him an irritated glare. ]
Cut that out.
[ But any anger (and hurt he feels at Mikasa leaving him here) sputters out fairly quickly, and he sits back, sinking lower in his chair, and covering his face.
[Yeah okay, Jean has a point there. Erwin knows he isn't wrong, but definitely could have phrased that better. He's out of practice.]
[He sits across the table and watches Jean for a few moments. He'll give the kid credit: he might be mad at Erwin too, but he came here with good intentions. He wasn't simply looking for a fight. And he's gathered some other valuable intel from this too.]
[When he speaks up, his voice is soft, almost mournful.]
She's never going to love anyone as much as she loves Eren. You can see that, can't you?
[ Jean truly isn't too mad at Erwin. Does he wish it happened a different way? Yeah, absolutely. Does he wish he'd been smart enough to push through his own pain, like he always has, and made a plan with Mikasa? Also yes.
He didn't, though. He tried to lick his wounds and not have to think about it for a while, and look where it got him. That's not a mistake he'll be making again.
He hears Erwin's words, his tone having gone soft, and Jean now feels the bite of tears in his eyes. He's not going to do this. He's not going to cry about this, not in front of Erwin, who probably has some ulterior motive for poking at this particular wound. ]
I know she won't.
[ That's the truth of how pathetic Jean Kirstein is: he knows neither Eren nor Mikasa will ever love him in the same, all-consuming inferno they love each other. He's contented himself with the heat from that blaze long enough that it's almost sweet. ]
Neither of them will ever love someone the way they love each other.
[ Which is his other pathetic admission; in spite of everything, he still loves Eren too. He finally sits up straight, and sighs, dropping his hands from his face. ]
Don't think you can try to use that against me. I'm not here to be your enemy, anyway. I have no intention of fighting you about Eren; what's done is done.
[ Adding, honestly, and looking at Erwin straight on: ]
[Erwin doesn't sound particularly surprised or shocked that Jean has made the accusation, though. Nor is he offended. It shows the kid has been paying attention, far better than his hotheaded girlfriend, and Erwin can respect that.]
[He fishes a handkerchief out of one of his pockets and tosses it across the table.]
In that, at least, we're in agreement. I told Eren what I did because I was trying to prevent another war from breaking out, not starting one. I don't bear you or any of the others any ill will.
[The faintest of smiles.]
Although I don't think the same can be said of Mikasa, when it comes to me. Not anymore, certainly.
[ Despite the fact he knows what Erwin is like, a little, he still relaxes his shoulders when Erwin tells him he doesn't bear them ill will. Even if it was a lie, it's one Erwin would be willing to play to, and that's good enough.
... He's not that skeptical of Erwin, though, to be fair. It just helps to know there's additional reasons. ]
I know. I figured that was why you told him before we even came over here to ask.
[ He takes the handkerchief but doesn't use it, despite the fact that now he knows the wetness in his eyes was noticed. Not so successful at holding those back, it seems. ]
She's pissed. She's not gonna get the chance to kill you, either.
[ Between Levi and the fact that while Mikasa might be a murderer like Jean, with countless Yeagerist Scouts on her hands, he's not going to let her stain her hands with Erwin's blood. ]
[For all his other, numerous flaws, Erwin is being genuine when he says he bears them no ill will. As long as this world doesn't come under threat, he's perfectly content to let it keep spinning as it has, and let the kids live out their extremely complicated, messy lives. Preferably without involving him in their drama.]
I'm not worried about that in the slightest.
[Erwin shakes his head ruefully.]
That's not even the first death threat I've gotten from an Ackerman. I'm sure it'll work out fine.
[He's 2 for 2 with Not Getting Murdered by Ackermans. It'll work out.]
You know, somehow, that doesn't surprise me even a little.
[ He can perfectly see Levi threatening to kill Erwin, genuinely and with full intention. He's glad it worked out for them, at least, as those rings remind him when he sees them on him.
Erwin does seem happy, here. Jean raises his hand to rub at the headache he can feel forming. ]
Could I bother you for a glass of water?
[ At least it doesn't feel like he's messed things up too badly on his end. He'd rather have the, if not support, being on good terms with Erwin. ]
[Erwin tilts his head back and gestures at a small scar on his throat, directly under his chin.]
Who do you think gave me this?
[Did he deliberately use his left hand to point at it? Why yes, yes he did.]
Of course. Or would you rather have some coffee or tea?
[Either way, Erwin is getting up. There's no point in getting angry and bringing unnecessary emotion into this whole debacle. That just leads to bad decisions and animosity, and Erwin would rather not have either on his hands.]
[If Jean watches closely, he'll notice that Erwin's new arm seems to move slower and less fluidly than his regular one. He should also be able to hear very faint electrical crackling if the arm gets close.]
Only a few days old. The Doctor made it for me. He figured out a way for me to use my electricity to power it.
Didn't realize we had a proper doctor here in town.
[ Jean is watching closely, and notes that it moves slower and less fluidly - but it's still working at all, which is more than he would ever get back home. He blinks at Erwin talking about the electricity powering it. ]
That's actually really clever. Beats having to carry around a generator of some kind to make it move.
A space traveller? Now I'm really hearing something surprising.
[ He understands the concept of things like space, planets, terrestrial and celestial bodies. He understands, loosely, the concept of space travel. He was never very into it, however, so the look he's giving Erwin is equal parts skeptical and curious. ]
I mean, if he built you that, he's got to be brilliant. Is he Armin brilliant, or Hange brilliant, though?
[ The week of 12/24, Erwin will find a nicely wrapped, flat present on his doorstep, along with two more labeled for Levi and Hange.
Inside, there's a cook book that advertises itself as a mix of 'Gnomish' and human recipes. The Gnomish recipes ... might be a joke, seeing as they call for children's laughter and toadstools; the human side seems to be actual, real recipes. Jean has also commissioned a tiny replica of the Wings of Freedom, in pin form, that sits on top of the book.
There's also a sealed, wrapped bag with pain au chocolate inside it, made with dark chocolate; they look to be hand made.
There's also a little handwritten note from Jean. ]
Erwin -
If you figure out how to actually make the toadstool muffins, you'll have to share the recipe with me. Tell Levi happy birthday for me.
- Jean
Edited (I FORGOT THE PASTRIES) 2023-12-20 07:06 (UTC)
[A few days later, a basket ends up on Jean's doorstep. It contains a dozen muffins, which are an odd shade of dark red and smell very faintly of mushrooms. If anyone is brave enough to eat one, they'll taste decent enough. They're better with plenty of butter and a hot drink.]
[There's a note tucked into the basket, written in the careful printing of Erwin's left hand.]
Jean,
The secret is to use mushrooms in place of eggs.
[That's not ominous in the slightest, Erwin, good job.]
[ On the Solstice, a package appears on Erwin's doorstep. Inside is a handsome chess set with stone-carved pieces, well-made and ready for heavy use.
A note accompanies it, written in Reiner's neat (Eldian) script. (It is the second note of its kind: the first one started with "Commander." He's trying!) ]
Erwin,
You strike me as a man who would enjoy this. If you already have a set, consider this a spare.
[A few hours later, Reiner gets a photo sent to him. It's of the chess set, out of its box and set up on a small table. There's a fire crackling behind it, and two chairs on either side of the table.]
I hope you'll indulge me in a game.
[Jesus Christ, Erwin, are you trying to be nice or auditioning for Jigsaw? This is a man who is still figuring out tone in text.]
[On the 25th of December, Erwin will find a package on his doorstep addressed to him. It's long and rectangular; inside is a custom-made sword from the local forge. There is also a package containing fruit, arranged in an aesthetically pleasing manner, and a bag of high quality medium roast coffee.]
Commander Erwin,
I hope this is alright. I got everyone swords for Christmas because I figure they might be useful one day. I won't use mine recklessly - promise. Yours is custom made to fit your measurements. There's fruit and coffee too.
[The response is prompt--Erwin is up early today.]
Thank you very much, Eren. Will I be seeing you later today for Levi's birthday?
A wise man once told me that the truth, however ugly it might be, is better than beautiful lies. I'm sorry our own truths are the way they are, but I would rather know them than live in ignorance. It takes a strong, brave man to face his destiny with his head held high; it takes an even stronger, braver one to try and change what he doesn't like about his future.
If you need any help in your journey, all you have to do is ask.
[Don't misinterpret, Eren: this isn't forgiveness. This is Erwin getting his way and feeling generous afterwards, once he's been convinced their new world isn't under any immediate threat. This is also him understanding that, from Eren's perspective, none of the ugly stuff has happened yet, and being empathetic enough to not punish the kid for something he hasn't done. He would not be nearly so pleasant if Eren wasn't trying to be better here.]
[But there's no need to dump all that on the kid's shoulders. Eren has enough going on, and for now, Erwin is going to back Levi's play of getting Eren engaged and a part of their new world, and watch to see if those feral instincts towards freedom kick in again.]
Certainly. I can use all the help I can get. I warn you, it won't be glamorous. There's a small mountain of potatoes here that need to be peeled.
[It's an easy thing to misinterpret when the alternative should be outright hatred. The fact that he's being given any grace at all is difficult to process. But he's grateful for it. He's always respected Commander Erwin.]
That's okay. I wouldn't expect glamorous. Leave it to me.
[Delivered quite kindly by the mail mice to Erwin is a bag of homemade potpourri and a little handmade Christmas Pixie. Last but not least, there are some Christmas cookies (some are a little misshapen but it's clear they were made with care).
Attached is a card inside is delicate handwriting:]
MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. ERWIN! I made the cookies myself with some help! Hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Again, Merry Christmas!
I figure that's the answer to some of them, I've been showing Dolph how to cook.
But a lot of people just aren't interested. One straight up offered to pay me to make them dinner, but it also sounded like they wanted to eat people so that might be a trap.
It's funny; most of the people I've met here, when talking about their worlds, seem to have come from somewhere better than ours. Dolph is the rare exception. It's good to see him making friends.
I haven't spoken to that person yet. I'll keep my eyes open.
I think that's an excellent idea, Jean. It sounds like you'd have plenty of customers.
He's got more advanced technology, but it seems like everyone lost their sense of justice where he's from.
Maybe? I don't want to deal with people coming into the house, though. I don't want to run a whole shop on my own, either, and none of the other places wanted a cook.
From what I've heard, it sounds like our world didn't do too well on the justice side of things either. And yes, I absolutely count myself in the anti-justice column.
[Just casual talking points with Erwin Smith, nothing to see here!]
[There's a pause before he responds.]
How do you feel about baking, rather than making full meals?
[Erwin is just not going to ask if Jean actually shot the kid or not. He figures if Jean is bringing it up, he probably didn't. He seems like he'd be far more haunted by the decision if he had.]
Levi has been complaining for months now that there aren't any teahouses here that meet his standards. It seems to me that most of the coffee shops here also have baked goods.
Perhaps it's something we could all work on together.
[ He's a little glad he doesn't ask, because Jean to this day isn't sure if he missed because of Pieck's steam, or as a last minute decision his brain made. ]
You want to open a teahouse?
[ That's mostly what he takes from what Erwin said, though. Of course Levi has exacting standards and Erwin would want to dabble in doing something like that. ]
I'd be interested. I just got hired at the bathhouse, but if I have to smile politely at people all day I'd rather do it somewhere you guys are.
You sure those stakes are lower? Businessmen are some of the most cutthroat guys I've ever known.
[ He's joking, though. No one here is going to die over tea, Erwin's right. ]
I'll leave it in your capable hands, but if you need any backup, let me know. I guess I'll check out the coffee shop to see the kinds of things they offer.
We should offer soup too, though. It's a good way to sell bread.
Thank you. Let me know what you find; it's important to know what the competition is offering so you can fill a niche they haven't.
And yes, I agree. Perhaps some sandwiches as well? Perhaps it's just the cold weather getting to me, but a bowl of soup and a sandwich sounds very nice.
That's the plan - either fill in the gaps, or figure out what I can definitely do better.
Soups and sandwiches are always a classic. Plus, you can make a lot of soup and have it feed plenty of people. The dining out options here aren't exactly the nicest, either, so cornering part of the savory side of things could work to your advantage.
I agree. There aren't many options, which is why I've been learning how to cook since my arrival. If other people aren't willing to learn, perhaps we should give them options to part with their shards rather than learning themselves.
I've been working on stews since I got here, trying to recreate some of my mother's old recipes. So far, I haven't been able to get the spices quite right.
Exactly. And we're a hell of a lot nicer than whatever the Cask and Anvil has going on, even if you hired Eren for some reason.
[ Which is also something that lingers on Jean's mind - giving Eren reasons to connect to this place, a reason to not try and fistfight Vaeros or whatever harebrained scheme he keeps wanting to come up with.
That second statement, though... ]
If you'd ever like any help with that, let me know. I'm no spice expert but sometimes two heads are better than one.
[ He also thinks it might be a personal endeavor Erwin doesn't necessarily want help with. ]
I'm sure Eren would be very useful when it was time to punch the rising dough. Otherwise, perhaps his needs would be best met in the back of the establishment.
[Calling it now: Eren is the dishwasher.]
I would enjoy that. If nothing else, we can compare our mother's recipes, see if there are any regional differences?
[ Jean laughs a bit to himself about Erwin's very diplomatic response but doesn't comment on it otherwise. He does employ Eren to help out with bread from time to time, so he can't argue that. ]
I'd like that. I'm guessing you didn't grow up within Wall Rose?
Technically, I suppose I did. But we were in a small community that butted up close to Wall Sina, similar to how Trost butts up against Wall Rose. My family's house was close to the gate into Sina, so I spent some time in the city as a child.
I consider myself more from Sina than Rose, although I know those who grew up in Sina proper would take offence at that notion.
They would. Hell, I used to be one of those people who would get shitty about people further out from Rose than us in Trost.
[ He's an adult, he can admit his various failings. ]
For soup, that's a good thing to know, though - we would have had access to the same spices. Though maybe your mother had access to some interior exclusive stuff since you were so close to them.
As did I, when I was much younger. Anyone who wasn't right next to Sina was clearly beneath me, in my youthful, foolish mind.
She did, but she was also a thrifty woman. She'd talk about the fancy interior spices with longing, and then get angry with my father when he bought some for her.
Someone once gifted my mother some of the interior spices. I asked her if we were going to hold onto them for special meals, and she told me keeping them and never using them was a mistake a lot of people make with things like that.
But to tell you the truth I don't think I ever noticed a difference in how it tasted as a kid, haha.
[Child, you have so much wisdom left to learn! Erwin isn't going to comment on it, though; he knows Jean won't believe him. Erwin didn't believe his own elders at Jean's age, so he knows how it goes. Some things just need time to marinate.]
Likewise with my mother. She kept those spices in jars and never used them. I found the jars when she passed away and I was cleaning out her house.
The Survey Corps cooks were delighted to have them, and the stews were exceptional after the next few missions.
That seems like a good use of them, honestly. But, that gives us a good starting point - she probably used what would have been readily available.
[ Jean's also mature enough now to know sometimes there's an element of nostalgia you can't quite recreate. But it'll be a fun project to share with the Commander - with Erwin. With a man he knows the shape and forward face of but not too much else besides.
Something else crosses his mind when he spots them hanging up in the living room. ]
We have our ODM gear now, too. I have the new variant, if you ever wanted to check it out.
Well - let me know when I should bring it over and we can look at it. With your new arm, it might be easier for you to use, or harder. The biggest adjustment for me was not needing to use my hips to adjust the grapples, since it's housed on the arms.
[ Jean knows how to set up the gear for both versions, though - the updated gear even has a version that just uses the hip housing. ]
It actually is - I know Captain Levi and Mikasa used the hip models as well, when we attacked Marley. The updated design should work with either style, and I think... I can retrofit the old set with what we have here to work, though I might need to contact one of the blacksmiths for some parts.
You might have to get used to only using one blade, but the arm should help with your balance at the very least, and if all you need for the controller is to launch the grapples, we could wire up launch control to one controller... hm.
Edited (after much staring at ODM gear pages) 2024-02-03 09:39 (UTC)
Before we could even think about retrofitting anything, I'd need to get my hands on my own gear. Recreating the harness otherwise would be a nightmare.
[When you're a big, heavy dude like Erwin, your harnesses need to be custom-made. He also doesn't want to ask anyone else to do it, since the last time he talked about the harnesses he got accused of wearing fetish gear.]
If you need any help with that, I have shards I can spend on them. I also know people can request things they didn't originally have - Eren wanted his gear after I got mine, and they actually gave him the Anti-Personnel model.
You'd probably do best to start with your model, though; it'll be more familiar.
I have noticed Vaeros wants people to be pretty exacting in what they ask for, though. Don't want to get a different gear from some guy also named Erwin Smith.
[ He throws out Levi because he's thinking about the Jaegerists, and this conversation has been mostly lighthearted and he doesn't want to bring up that Eren has a bunch of little mini Jaegers. ]
[ He doesn't want to dump the entirely of his romantic escapades on Erwin, though he is probably aware to some degree they're dating. So: ]
I want to help Dolph with his arm if something happened to it and he couldn't fix it. So I'm trying to find someone who knows about that kind of thing to teach me.
Figured you might know someone here, since you got that one.
[You are very right, Jean: Erwin doesn't want to hear about who is sticking what in whom at your house. The last thing he wants is an infodump about the flow chart that is your dating life!]
That's very kind of you.
I suggested he ask the Doctor, since the Doctor is who made my arm. Dolph is reluctant to let anyone tinker with it, though, as it's attached to his brain.
The Doctor might teach you a bit in his workshop, though, if you expressed interest.
Yeah, if he won't let me that's fine, but I'd rather him turn down the option than not have it at all.
[ Maybe he can leverage Boyfriend Privilege eventually. He's not breathing a word of this to Dolph right now, though. Dolph's circuitry is beyond anything he's ever seen; he's well aware he's miles before the starting line to even look at it and understand what's going on, let alone work on it.
If he's going to commit to being here for the long haul, though, he's got time to invest in teaching himself about it. ]
This guy just goes by the Doctor? No last name or anything like that?
It's after nightfall when Levi returns to their cottage, the sky dark, but not yet so late in the evening. He'd excused himself from Finnick's company and walked home alone, needing the air and the space, hoping that his thoughts might slow once there was more room for them to spool out and unravel in relative solitude.
In a lot of ways, this is...new territory for him. Sure, when Hange was here, they had all piled together on multiple occasions; the two of them had been romantic, sharing kisses and comforts and dances in the kitchen. But that had all been there already for some time and had only needed a little uncovering. This is - different. Finnick is new to both of them, and maybe that is too much for comfort. Levi doesn't know Erwin to be a jealous man; surely their bond is stronger than that. The things that test it are each other, rather than any outside force...and Levi can't imagine Erwin doing anything that would make him need or want to detach from the man who gave him the sky and wings to fly through it.
The anxious, awful part of his mind can't help wondering if the reverse is true, though.
Attraction is such an alien thing to him, really. That it's happened at all and with someone completely new, and so quickly is both a little exciting and also confusing. The constantly vigilant, suspicious part of him that never fully goes away wonders if this is somehow a trick; Finnick is charming and intelligent and charismatic, as so many manipulators can be. But Levi has also been around enough people who have suffered grief and loss and trauma, and by now he can recognize that real vulnerability well enough to know when it is and isn't performance. Finnick has always felt real to him, to this point.
Until tonight, he hadn't even really realized what these feelings had been.
And now...
"Fuck," he mutters, and pushes open the door. The loafers come off, and Levi toes carefully into his slippers, glancing around to their cozy reading nook for his husband. No point in putting it off, after all.
Erwin had chosen not to go to the lantern festival, excusing himself by saying he has nothing he wants to wish for, he already has everything he needs. Which is true! But there's also the fact that lantern festivals memorialise the dead, and knowing that he'll be one of the remembered dead soon enough was what really kept him away.
It's fine. He's spent a calm, peaceful evening in the cottage, and when Levi returns, Erwin is settled on the couch, a book open in his lap and Burnt Rice snoozing beside him, fluffy white tummy turned towards the ceiling.
"Hello, Levi." He looks up from his book, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles. "The kettle is full, if you'd like some tea."
That warmth of that smile washes over him like a warm wave. Levi pads closer, drawn in by it. Kettle full, in anticipation of him coming home. Erwin relaxed with a book and a fluffy creature nearby, happy (safe, alive). He will never take anything about this for granted.
"Thanks," he mumbles softly, and leans in to press a brief kiss to blonde hair, inhaling his scent briefly. The trepidation in his chest eases a little.
Erwin leans in when Levi comes close, letting his hand drift up and rest on Levi's hip.
"No, thank you." He gestures to the end table, where a cup is still gently steaming. "The water should still be hot enough for one of your milder blends, if you hurry."
Burnt Rice opens one eye and stretches, patting her front paws on Levi's leg before curling into a ball with a sleepy prrroaw.
holy repetitive word repeats in my last tag batman
A breath, amused, huffs softly. "Understood." He taps one fuzzy paw gently with a finger before shifting away to go put together a cup of jasmine tea; the water isn't quite hot enough for rooibos anymore.
Levi does evict the cat with a little nudge on her butt to make space for himself next to Erwin, and settles in close. His clothes smell a little of campfire, something that always pulls up certain memories; earlier years in the Corps, sitting around a fire with his first squad.
He sips at his tea, looking over his shoulder nosily at Erwin's book.
"What've you got this time?"
I didn't even notice until you pointed it out, haha
Burnt Rice accepts her eviction with grace, trotting off into the bedroom to find a new place to sleep, possibly frosting both their pillows with orange and white hair. As Levi settles in beside him, Erwin drapes an arm around his shoulders and holds up the book to show him the cover.
"Nothing terribly interesting. It's about cat psychology and how to care for them." He sets it aside and leans in, breathing in the scent of campfire off Levi's clothes. "How was the festival?"
"Cat psychology, huh." Maybe he'll have to try that one out.
Levi has taken to changing pillowcases right before bed as a result, so frost away, you fluffy butt.
It really is a little wondrous, how perfectly they fit together, always. He nestles into the curve of Erwin's side, the embrace further calming some of his nerves until the question makes them spike a little again. At first Levi just hums, trying to buy himself a little more time, and closes his eyes. He still hasn't thought of a good way to say...any of it.
"It was nice, actually. Beautiful, seeing all the lanterns in the sky. It felt...peaceful." Even if the lantern Finnick eventually sent up wished for the painful and degrading death of a man who had inflicted so much cruelty and pain upon the people of his world, it was a deserved catharsis.
His shoulders tense a little without him realizing, and Levi takes a little breath...swallows. Licks his lips. He feels a little ridiculous.
"I don't think it's terribly accurate." Erwin offers the book to Levi; it might not have great info in it, but it's got lots of pictures of cute cats! "It says cats don't listen to what people say to them."
Erwin listens to Levi's description, and nods. It does sound peaceful, and heaven knows they could all use a little peace these days. He perks up a little at the mention of Finnick.
"Did you? How's he doing?" Erwin isn't as friendly with Finnick as Levi, but he likes the young man.
He's a little loathe to move away even temporarily, but does just to lean forward a bit and put his cup on the coffee table and take the book, eyeing it dubiously and flipping a few pages.
"...well if she did, she'd stay off the places I tell her to." Sounds true to him! But at the same time, she definitely does seem to sass at him quite a lot. Maybe "listen" has a few different meanings, here.
Levi flicks a few more pages, distractedly. The back of his neck itches a bit with a rising heat. Since bringing Finnick on to help with the shop, they've been spending a few hours a day together quite regularly, with Levi teaching him generally about tea and how he wants things to be done, at least at first. It's possible Erwin has observed something between them, or at least some signs on Levi's end that may have indicated a deeper interest in someone than usual; slightly longer, lingering glances, a little bit of a tilt toward the the younger blonde when he speaks or is showing him something new. Perhaps most importantly, he's much more noticeably relaxed around Finnick than most other people, including ones they've known for some time already, here.
But there's definitely a sense of nerves now, absently running his fingers over the sides of the book, feeling the sensation of the pages pressed together.
"...good." What next? He feels fucking ridiculous, wonders if he waits long enough and thinks we kissed hard enough Erwin would just be able to pick up on his thoughts and read his mind. They don't always need words, right?
Although that's probably not how it's gonna go, here.
Fuck.
He looks over at Erwin, gaze strangely intense, but everything just gets stuck in his throat.
She listens, but she doesn't listen listen. Erwin has heard enough of the conversations Levi and Burnt Rice have, and they're definitely not one-sided. The cat talks up a storm, although apparently Levi's conversational skills in Cat leave something to be desired.
Erwin picks up on Levi's distress, but he can't read his mind. He has an idea where this might be going--you'd have to be blind to not notice how well Levi and Finnick are getting on, how quickly they've bonded at the shop--but he also doesn't want to presume. So instead, he lifts his hand and gently rubs between Levi's shoulder blades.
"Is everything all right? You two didn't get in an argument, did you?"
If their conversations are any indication, Levi seems pretty determined to get her to understand. Results aren't great at the moment, though.
Something gets through, and though that isn't surprising, Levi still feels grateful for it. The touch is soothing, as it always is, and he leans back into it a little, angling toward Erwin as though drawn like a magnet. He sighs softly, trying to let some of the knots unwind from his stomach and shoulders, and abruptly feels foolish for being anxious in the first place. If Erwin would abandon him over this, that would mean everything else is as much of a flimsy lie, and that couldn't possibly be true.
"No," he says, shaking his head, but there's still a flush working up to his ears. "The opposite."
Stop being a constipated ass and spit it out.
He puts the book aside, realizing he's picking at the corners of the pages, and picks up the cup instead, holding it in both hands.
"We-..."
The fucking brats wouldn't be this stupid about this. Embarrassing. Like trying to shove out shit one piece at a time.
He absolutely would never - sand in your asshole and every other orifice? Pass.
"Yes."
The confirmation comes immediately, and he feels stupid with relief. Levi exhales, slumping a little, and mutters a soft: "Sorry...acting like m'pushing out a hard shit."
But his eyes immediately jump to Erwin's face to watch his reaction. This isn't like with Hange, and he knows it. That hadn't needed to be explained, but maybe this does - he doesn't know. If asked prior to Finnick's arrival, perhaps even days ago if he thought this sort of thing would happen, Levi wouldn't have even bothered with giving it a real thought.
"I-...didn't expect it. I know Hange was different and this is - he's new. I get it. Maybe it isn't okay, then. It's not that I-"
He can't even fucking say don't love you even to deny it, because they both know that isn't the case, that nothing could ever, ever make those words true.
Erwin's expression doesn't change at all. His eyes are soft and gentle, full of affection, as he keeps rubbing Levi's back.
"I know, I know." Erwin leans in and kisses Levi's forehead. "It's fine. I'm happy for you."
Happy, and a little sad. There has been the passing person who caught Erwin's fancy here, but they've been gone for a long time, and haven't returned. Erwin also knows that his own fancies are likely much grungier and hornier than Levi's; this whole thing seems awfully pure and sweet by comparison.
That look, that kiss, make him want to just melt into the floor. A soft, involuntary noise sounds quietly from the back of his throat. Levi is quite sure he's never done anything so good as to be rewarded with Erwin. How could he have? But here they are anyway, and he's abandoning the cup on the table to turn and draw him closer, one hand hooked around the side of his neck and burying his face against the other side, breathing him in.
"Fuck..."
Am I taking him for granted? Is he just being fucking greedy? It didn't-...it hadn't felt like that, with Hange. His love for the both of them coexisted, and that felt as natural as anything. Why should this be any different? If it had been Erwin instead, Levi would be happy - proud, even - because of course Erwin deserved to be loved by more than just one person, and more people should love him, to be fucking honest.
Or even if he just wants a good fuck; Levi's plenty aware of his own shortcomings in that regard.
He sighs, burying into him, his husband (and nearly a whole year later, that feels a little less strange and even more wonderful). His scent is clean and a bit like tea; perfect. More tension ekes out of his shoulders, on his way to boneless.
"...yeah," he admits to Erwin's collar bone. "It...feels good to be around him."
Whether anyone has done anything to deserve having Erwin in their lives is another story, but not one Erwin wants to get into today. No, today is a day for just letting Levi melt against him and cuddling him in return. It's pretty clear that this whole confession was difficult for him, and Erwin can't say he blames him; he's still learning the depths of Levi's neuroses around intimacy, and who knows what he picked up regarding having multiple partners? Although maybe he's been listening to the kids and learning to imitate whatever random bed-hopping they're doing.
"Good." Levi deserves all the love in the world, and Erwin hopes against hope that maybe, just maybe, he can learn to recognise that here, in Somnius, and take it with him back to their world. He hates the thought of Levi being alone forever, the sole survivor of the old Survey Corps, the last of their friends left standing. He wants him to find love again someday, and if that means practicing with Finnick, Levi could certainly do worse or have shittier taste.
"You should keep spending time with him. Keep making each other happy." Because obviously Levi is making Finnick happy too!
It's hard to say, really; of course he's plenty aware of monogamy and things like marriage - multiple partners didn't appear to be that much of a norm in the wider society within the walls, but little of that has had much bearing on Levi's lived experience. The Underground was about survival, and while some people certainly did have families, few of them looked much like what anyone above might recognize. Broken, scattered, or worse. Gangs made things both easier and harder - more people to rely on, but more mouths to feed - but Levi never cared enough to pay attention to such personal details. It was similar in the Survey Corps, even if he occasionally caught wind by happenstance of who might be fucking who or 'going together' or whatever; none of it mattered to him, so long as it didn't get in the way of his leading a team. If asked, he wouldn't think much of it one way or the other, since it didn't involve him. Probably multiple people had multiple partners of whatever combination of genders, and in many ways, that just...made sense.
But he's never really had to think about it until now. Levi wouldn't really consider either of them especially jealous - what was the point, when they already knew what they were to each other, trusted each other more than anything and anyone else? It doesn't stop the anxiety, of course, the dread that somehow because someone else has managed to catch his eye (heretofore a thing even Levi didn't believe possible) Erwin might think his attention and love would lessen...but nothing could be further from the truth.
Seeing their younger compatriots form multiple strong bonds certainly helps, too.
Yet it is that very thing, the fear of being alone at the end of their world, that seems a little less awful now, thanks to Finnick. Even that wouldn't have been possible without Erwin, though; truly, he's done most of the heavy lifting navigating Levi's discomforts, gently and patiently allowing him to figure it all out at his own pace.
He holds onto Erwin a little more tightly. Does he make Finnick happy in the same way? Sources say most likely yes, but it's all still...very much new territory.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily," he grumbles (for legal reasons: this is a joke). "As long as you're happy, too."
Erwin chuckles softly into Levi's hair. "I wouldn't ever try to get rid of you."
How could he? Levi is the only one who has ever really seen Erwin, observed him with all of his flaws and imperfections, saw him with the mask off and his guard down, and kept coming back. Levi is the only person Erwin allows himself to be truly himself around--even Mike and Hange never got the full treatment, although they came the closest after Levi--and Erwin will never not appreciate that.
"Yes. I'm happy you're happy." Which is true! But also getting a little too close to the truth for comfort; for all Erwin values being able to let walls down around Levi, there are some that are harder than others to overcome. He shifts Levi on his lap, arranging him so they're both a little more comfortable. "You should ask Finnick how he'd feel about kissing two old men at the same time."
Half joking, half serious. Easier to deflect to the idea of a threesome than to admit that, for all he's glad that Levi is finding someone new to love, the thought also sends little pinpricks of grief through Erwin's heart. Levi will move someday, and while that's the best thing for him, it still hurts that Erwin won't be there beside him for the rest of his days.
Erwin will be gone, but Levi will never really move on from him. There will never be a day in his life that goes by where he doesn't think of him, where he doesn't wish he were at his side more than anything. Erwin will never not be at the forefront of his mind and heart, even if he does manage to find someone new to love. It will never diminish the bond that they had. If their world had been any less cruel, they should have been able to live out their lives together.
But this is what they get now, and he'll always treasure each and every second.
Levi adjusts into one of their usual positions when Erwin recites poetry to him, buried close, tucked into his arms, one hand resting lightly over Erwin's chest near his heart. There's truly no better feeling than this.
He makes a little noise like a snort, but perhaps surprisingly, doesn't dismiss the idea outright.
"Maybe I will. Not like that, though; he might think we're a couple of weird perverts." He brushes his lips lightly against Erwin's jaw, noses at his cheek. "You ain't that old."
At first Levi frowns at him, nose scrunching a bit, because he definitely doesn't get the joke.
But Erwin's laughing - giggling ridiculously and giddy, and he decides that whatever the reason for it doesn't matter, because it's one of the most precious sounds he's ever hears.
At once, practically all of his anxiety lifts away, because he can't think about anything else being more important than this. Levi huffs in fond, loving exasperation, and wraps his arms around Erwin's neck to drag him closer, as though he could absorb that laughter directly into his skin, keep it in the marrow of his bones. He hides a smile against Erwin's throat as he grumbles out:
"Well, you are a fucking weirdo, that's for sure."
It was a bad joke. Erwin can do a lot of things well, but tell coherent, actually funny jokes tends not to be among them.
Oh, well. At least he's amused himself, and he knows the subtle tells in Levi's voice enough to recognise that he's hiding a smile against Erwin's neck. When Levi scoots closer, Erwin winnows his arm under his legs and pulls him up against his chest, cradling him like he's holding an oversized cat.
"Hmmm, that's true. Better make sure your new boyfriend doesn't mind weirdos hanging around."
If he really was a cat, he'd be purring, loudly, right into Erwin's ear. Instead, he's sighing, utterly content, snuggled as close as he can be as he (like a cat) leans all of his weight onto Erwin's chest.
"Well," he mumbles into the little nook he's made for himself. "Haven't scared him away yet...so he's gotta be into that at least a little, or something."
If Burnt Rice weren't already preoccupied shedding fur all over their pillowcases, she'd come in, see this scene, and go wild with jealousy. All this cuddling, and no cat! Jail! Jail for fathers, one thousand years!
Or maybe she'd just saunter over and join them, appreciating a quality cuddle pile like any self-respecting cat would.
"Well, he knows a lot about strange sea animals and doesn't mind teaching us about them. Perhaps there's a bit of weirdo hidden in him, too." Erwin uses one hand to smooth Levi's hair away from his face. "You should invite him over for dinner again."
Levi's definitely figured out to drape a sheet over their bed for the day to keep cat hair off where they actually sleep. He also thoroughly brushes the beast every day so that she sheds as little of that fur elsewhere as possible. There's designated coverings for her favorite spots to lay that can also be easily cleaned that takes effort for him not to wash every single day. He's got a system down now.
"Mm," he sighs softly, blissfully content at being pet. "Cracking open shells to eat the weird slimy things inside, wonder who first thought'a that."
Levi brushes a soft kiss to the corner of Erwin's mouth, almost askance. "All right, I will. We should make him something, this time."
'We' of course primarily meaning Erwin, but Levi has taken to cooking a thing or two now and then, lately.
Levi's little system for the cat only serves to convince Erwin that he actually likes her, and doesn't mind having her around. If nothing else, the mimic has been cowed into staying in the hermit crab enclosure, so there haven't been any random bites lately.
"Someone very hungry, I imagine." Maybe they saw something else eating the oysters first? Erwin isn't sure how anyone would realise they were food without that kind of cue.
He chuckles and returns Levi's kiss. "All right. He showed up oysters and mussels, we should think of something unique from our world. How do you think he'd feel about my mother's apple cake?"
Erwin can think that, except the truth is closer to that he's coping with living with a creature that Erwin wanted and seems to make him happy, and Levi loves Erwin, so his feelings on the cat in this regard are irrelevant - except that he bitches, loudly, whenever he finds puke or hairballs on the floor in the morning.
In some regards, he'd rather have the mimic. At least it didn't leave fur everywhere.
Anyway, at the mention of apple cake, Levi visibly perks up. He's not much of one for sweets, but he seems to make exceptions for things involving apples.
"Doesn't matter. If he hates it, more for us." More for him, really. "That's not dinner, though."
Correction: the mimic doesn't leave fur everywhere yet. Just wait until it's no longer afraid of Burnt Rice and starts turning into another cat.
"No, we can't just feed him apple cake." Erwin is well aware of Levi's feelings on apple cake, and isn't the slightest bit worried about there being leftovers, even if Finnick hates it.
"The weather is starting to get colder. How about a nice stew?"
He's going to get a lock for that mimic's cage. Maybe make it live with Hange's hermit crabs.
"Hm," he muses, nestling in more. They've done this so many times by now, it's like they fit perfectly together like pieces of a puzzle. This limb this way, this limb that way, head here. "So long as we don't hit another hot spell, that should be fine."
[They've had a splendid poetry lesson. Sunny is doing well. It isn't entirely due to Erwin. Sunny isn't sure that he truly believes "the truth will set you free," but it's done something.
[Sunny is terrible. He did something terrible. But when he told Aubrey, she didn't run away. They're alright. Sometimes, he's even happy. And he can speak a little more strongly now.
[Part of that is due to Erwin, however. His teacher is kind, encouraging, patient, and smart. Sunny thinks the world of him - tells everyone about him that he can. And he's far more comfortable hanging out in his kitchen now that they've been doing it a while. He seems to be in an alright mood, despite his ever subdued demeanor.
[As the lesson is wrapping up and they are enjoying there tea, something occurs to him. He looks up at Mr. Erwin.]
Could...I show you something? [He thinks Erwin may like this.]
[In complete honesty, Erwin thinks he may enjoy their poetry lessons more than Sunny does. It's like a mental retreat for him, a chance to imagine himself in a kinder, gentler world, a world where he could have been a teacher and nothing more. A world that didn't need him to mould himself out of steel and determination, a world that needed poets more than warriors. He looks forward to Sunny's visits, and takes the time to choose the poems carefully, levelling up their difficulty as Sunny's speaking improves. He is always gentle and encouraging, but he's also unrelenting in challenging the boy.]
[They haven't gotten to The Jabberwocky yet, but Erwin has grand plans for when Sunny is ready for that beast.]
[They're done with the lesson now, though, and enjoying some tea when Sunny asks him a question. Erwin tilts his head, intrigued. Sunny doesn't usually offer things like this, and it's piqued his interest.]
Yes, of course.
[Burnt Rice strolls into the kitchen and winds herself around Sunny's ankles. Hello, young friend!]
[Burnt Rice makes her entrance at the perfect time! It makes for an excellent segue, and Sunny very nearly smiles, scratching lightly behind her ears. He holds up a finger-- Ah, but...then recalls that time with Erwin is time for speaking out loud.]
I'll be right back. [No pauses or nothin'! He takes a moment to duck into the other room, just out of Erwin's view.
[When he returns...
[He has two black cat ears poking out of his head, and a long, swishy black tail. He bounces on his toes a bit, fiddling with his hands, anxious to know what Erwin thinks. It's pretty cool, right?]
[As Erwin well knows by now, Sunny is not a very expressive person. He tries to be when reading poems, but there's only so many muscles he can move in his face - he just doesn't emote all that much; that being said, Erwin has probably been around him enough now to realize that, even when his smile is small, it's the equivalent to his face brightening up like a beam of light. That's what happens now.
[He nods, taking a few steps forward and incling his head a bit, black ears twitching and swiveling.]
Did you...take a potion too? [He's never asked, he realizes - at least, he doesn't think he has.]
text; un: omnidirectional ~nebulously late october
[He could look less intense, but this is important. Dolph is his bestie, after all.]
I ask this with all due respect, Jean, and apologies if my vocabulary isn't entirely up to date: you're not viewing this proposal as some kind of runner-up relationship that will always be secondary to your relationship with Eren, are you? Because Dolph deserves better than that.
[So do you goes unsaid, but is definitely implied.]
[ Erwin will be able to see Jean steeling himself quietly. ]
He's not secondary to my relationship with Eren. Dolph is my priority now. I love Eren, but he's made his choice and his decisions. Dolph deserved better than Alex - he deserved better than me, honestly, at the start.
[ They are both dead, these two lovers of Jean's. But one is trying to make what he can of his life here, and the other isn't, as far as he's aware. ]
I still have choices I can make, and I choose Dolph, and staying with him. As long as this place lets me - longer, if I can manage it.
[ Jean keeps his head held up when Erwin considers his words - only when he sees that smile does he let his shoulders slip down a little, a lopsided grin on his face. ]
Thank you, I appreciate that a lot. All I want to do is make Dolph happy - make sure the good memories outweigh the bad ones.
[ He has a lot of work to do. Dolph is thirty, after all. But he'll do it. ]
But - I was serious about the rings question. I know I don't want anything too fancy for him - too complicated and he won't like it.
BE HAPPY YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND HAS SUCH GOOD BALL ROASTING FRIENDS, GOSH!
[Had Jean answered in any other way, this conversation definitely would have shifted to something far more adversarial. But then again, Jean has witnessed how Erwin will refuse to back down on certain topics, so had to know a question like that was coming.]
[Also, thirty isn't old, shut up.]
That's the best reason possible for getting married. And you do make him happy. He's said as much to me.
[And for as reluctant as Dolph can be to talk about emotions, him expressing them so openly to Erwin means it has to be true.]
I'm afraid I won't be much help for the ins and outs of ring shopping. Levi and I saw ours in a dream the labyrinth gave us, and then I simply wished for them from the crystal. There was no shopping or choice involved.
Have you asked Dolph what kind he thinks he'd like? I'd say that silver would stand out more against his skin, but then gold is a different metal than his arm, and could stand for a new beginning.
That's what I want to do for the rest of my life, sir.
[ Ah, they wished the rings - that makes sense. Still, his input is helpful regardless, especially about the gold. It's still a precious metal back home, rare and prized. ]
I know gold can be more delicate, though. Then again, maybe the magic here can be used to make it more durable.
I'll see what he might have a preference for. Even if he knows what kind of metal the ring will be, I still have some tricks up my sleeve.
I thought about a diamond - it's the stone my necklace has. But it seems... too impersonal?
[ Rings are already not a terribly common thing - more common the further towards the interior you are. For people like Eren and Mikasa, they were rare. Jean's mother had a ring, but it was plain. Stones are the exception. ]
[ Jean seems to consider this seriously, closing his eyes as he thinks. ]
I think of warmth, but... not the colors you'd associate with that. Not red or yellow. Something soothing and comforting, like a lake on a day without wind. A place you want to stay at forever.
[Erwin puts the phone down and stands up, treating Jean to a view of the cottage ceiling. There's some rustling in the background, and an annoyed meow and murmured apology when Erwin has to move Burnt Rice out of the way, and then Erwin comes back. He props the phone up so the camera is facing him, and he's got a book in his hands.]
[Because of course he has a book about geology and gemstones kicking around. Naturally.]
All right, I'm going to look for blue and green gemstones.
[He starts flipping through the book, and when he finds the page he's looking for, he holds it up so Jean can see it.]
There are emeralds and sapphires, which are beautiful, but it also says here that they're fragile, particularly emeralds. They're not recommended for rings that you wear everyday.
Although they passed the year mark in Somnius a couple months ago, perhaps what really drives home the passage of time is that it is Erwin's birthday for the second time in this place. That feels stranger than anything...but he's grateful for it. Perhaps more than anything.
Much has happened lately, and since they seem to thankfully be more or less in a pocket of peace, Levi's decided that some extra pampering is in order; perhaps a nice breakfast and a ride together, a soak in the tub and time curled up on the couch together, reading or napping.
Or whatever Erwin wants to do, really.
He's prepped some things for breakfast, anyway, having been up at his usual before-dawn hours. Perhaps nothing will be able to fully mend his permanently damaged sleeping habits, but he does sleep better and longer lately, pressed close to his husband. He'd carefully slipped away hours ago, but now he slips back, gently moving Burnt Rice out of his spot and sliding back under the covers next to Erwin, where he leaves a soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.
If Erwin starts to wake, he'll greet him with a little: "Hey."
It's funny, really, how readily Erwin's wish has been granted. He remembers falling asleep on the night before Shiganshina--really not sleep, more like an anxiety-wraught half doze that deepened into uneasy rest for the last few hours before dawn--and thinking to himself, if only I had more time.... And time, here, has been granted to him. Over a year now, and while he hasn't made a fuss or mention of it, he's very aware of his thirty-eighth birthday approaching.
Thirty-eight. Two years older than he should be, and a year older than his father was when he died. At this rate, he might even make it to forty, and truly be an old man.
Erwin is used to Levi vacating the bed ahead of him, and has taken the opportunity to sprawl out across their shared bed. When he feels the mattress shift, he rolls over, half-asleep, and reaches out for Levi, aiming to pull him in against his chest.
The kiss across the bridge of his nose makes Erwin smile, although his eyes still aren't open yet. "Good morning, Levi. What time is it?"
The world could be better...and it's certainly an improvement on the situation they'd left behind. But it's hard to argue about it when time is the more difficult thing to come by. It's a thing Levi tries not to dwell on (though he so often fails), especially in moments like this when Erwin draws him in, and he happily nestles in, tangling legs and sliding hands up under his shirt to press palms to that broad back for warmth.
"Seven-thirty," he mutters, lips brushing the underside of Erwin's jaw, rough on stubble. "Can sleep more f'you want, birthday boy."
The world could always be better; that's why it's worth fighting for. But still, being able to take a moment, to breathe and cuddle and simply be, is a gift Erwin still hasn't tired of, and he doesn't think he ever will.
He groans softly when Levi calls him birthday boy; it appears there will be no escaping it. It's fine. He's actually tickled that Levi clearly has some things in mind for them. "October fourteenth already?" He snugs in closer, happy to be Levi's heat source. "Does this make me the oldest man in Somnius now?"
Erwin is always so blessedly warm. Levi can manage the more extreme temperatures when absolutely necessary, but his body never really adjusted to them, always bundled into extra socks and layers when it got cold enough. Or, as is often now, stealing heat from his large husband, who seems to have it in excess.
"Hm," he muses, pressing the tip of his cold nose against Erwin's throat to warm it, leaving a kiss there in exchange. "Bet we could find someone older and geezier than you. Plenty of weirdos who say they're like five thousand years old around here."
The warmth comes with being big and muscular. Erwin is a little befuddled as to why Levi is always cold, given that he's a solid slab of lean muscle, but hey, he's not going to complain. Happy to be of service, small and chilly sir.
Erwin makes a face at Levi's comment, and finally opens his eyes. "Sure, they'll say they're five thousand years old, but they're an immortal dragon or something and have the body of a seventeen year old."
It's so unfair.
But with that, Erwin is now up, and he drops a kiss to Levi's forehead before propping himself up against the headboard. "So what are you in the mood to do today? Being that I'm one year older and geezier."
He's small and muscular, maybe it's a critical mass thing. Maybe it's a circulation thing, maybe it's a childhood malnutrition growing up in a cave thing. Who knows!!! Luckily he has a large furnace sir to cuddle.
Levi snorts lightly in agreement; this place is fucking weird, but some things he's learned to just take in stride and move the fuck on.
For a moment he just gazes at Erwin, quietly taking in the blue of his eyes that always remind him of the first time he'd ever really laid eyes on the sky. A different sort of warmth spreads from that kiss, fluttering pleasantly through his chest as it tingles out through his fingertips and toes. He inhales and lets it out softly, a contented little sigh, never not in awe that he's loved.
He resituates himself after Erwin moves, tucking in close to lay his head on that pillowy chest, a hand over his heart.
"It's your birthday," he reminds him mildly, amusement in his usual drawl. "Could make you breakfast, go for a ride, or just sit here and rot in bed." Not at all unappealing, despite how he phrases it. "Or whatever you want."
If Levi wants to curl up with his head on Erwin's chest, Erwin is happy to oblige! He rolls over onto his back, tucking his arm under Levi's head and then draping it over his shoulders, letting Levi have full range of his chest.
He makes a soft humming noise as he thinks it over. "I say we stay in bed awhile longer, watch the sun move across the wall. Then we get up, have breakfast, and take the horses for a nice, long amble around the village."
He assumes the tea shop is closed for the day, or left in Jean's capable hands.
"I wonder if there's a good apple orchard around here somewhere. We could get a whole bunch of apples and make some cider with them."
Shop is closed. It's been closed more often than he would've liked so soon after opening, but shit has happened and he can't be there the whole time every day, after Finnick's departure, and Jean has enough on his plate. Erwin's birthday is a good enough excuse for taking a temporary holiday.
Levi perks up a little at the mention of an apple orchard - it's more of a vibe than actually moving, because he is currently in his favorite spot in the whole fucking universe, and very disinclined to be budged. His fingers splay wide over Erwin's chest, move lazily up to brush his collar bone.
"Might be one," he agrees. "Could ask in town, and take the horses out. Suppose a day of spoiling them won't make them too rotten. Sounds good to me."
Erwin isn't too worried about the tea shop and repeat business. They'll get back into it more full time as the year comes in an end, he's sure, but for now, their customers will understand needing a day off. They'll also be rewarded for their patience with some homemade cider, if they can find a good orchard. And maybe something with pumpkins? Has anyone ever tried making a hot drink with pumpkin in it? Something to consider...
Erwin is also disinclined to move much; he brings his hand up and starts combing his fingers through Levi's hair. Is he going to muss up the part in it? Most likely, but mussing each other's hair just seems to kind of happen between them. It's not his fault Levi looks exceptionally handsome with his hair brushed back from his face.
"I wonder if we could find a wagon for one of them to pull, or some saddlebags." That's right, husband: he's going to use his birthday to put you to work picking apples. Erwin drops another kiss to Levi's forehead. "And then I can make some apple cake when we get home."
It's impossible to worry about his part when Erwin's fingers feel so good against his scalp. It's unbelievably soothing, and he feels chronically tense muscles begin to unlock and relax even more, further melting into that warmth and listening to the strong, sure beats of his heart. This is what peace is, he thinks. Nowhere else can he have this, wrapped in love and security. Sure, he is strong enough to protect himself and others, but even he needs rest, a place to feel safe. Erwin has given him that, and so much else.
Levi goes quiet a little at the mention of a wagon. There's definitely at least one at Eren's farm that they use to do their food deliveries. Ordinarily he'd suggest borrowing it in exchange for some of the produce they'll gather...but that's not an option, right now. Eren isn't an option. Not for a while. Perhaps never again.
Erwin's kiss draws him away from the precipice of melancholy, and Levi rides the soft fluttering of his heart back upward, inhaling softly and setting those thoughts away as he slides his palm up to just curl loosely around the slope of Erwin's neck and nestles in with a soft inhale.
"Hm. Bet we could get a local to let us borrow something. Shouldn't be hard." Bickering with goblins was sometimes entertaining. Levi bumps his nose against Erwin's chin in a light admonishment. "Oi. It's your birthday. Supposed to be spoiling you, not the other way 'round."
Not that he's really arguing against apple cake...
Erwin notices Levi's quiet moment, but doesn't comment on it. He's aware of what's going on with Eren, but isn't involving himself in it. It's been made very clear that his input is unnecessary and unwanted, and so he's washed his hands of the kid. He'll talk about it with Levi, if Levi wants to vent about the situation, but Erwin won't bring it up on his own.
Besides, today is supposed to be a happy day. There's no point in ruminating on the terrible choices other people make.
"If we asked really nicely, Crowley might even let us borrow Bentley." He would not, and Erwin knows it. Neither of them know how to drive a car, anyway.
"We could ask the vegetable stand goblins. They like tea with a lot of sugar in it; I bet if we brought them a flask or two, they'd let us take their cart for the day."
He chuckles at Levi's tone, and ducks his head down to steal a real kiss. "Oh, don't worry. I'm going to put you to work doing all the washing and peeling. I'll save all the fun parts for myself."
Not at all, which is why he's more than happy to let it go. Nothing to be done about it now.
Today is about Erwin.
He grumbles a little at the suggestion - something about Goblins having no fucking taste, probably, but otherwise acquiesces. It's not a bad idea, even if he has to desecrate a batch of tea as a small price to pay. It'll be worth it.
"Good," he murmurs, and wiggles upward a little to take another kiss for himself, because there can't ever just be one. A little voice suggests that maybe they could just spend all day here like this, instead, but the idea doesn't quite appeal as much as the rest. Especially since he'll find himself right back here at the end of the day.
But he's also not in a rush, peering at Erwin lazily from a little too close, lips hovering over lips like he might just keep kissing him.
"What d'you want for breakfast?"
lots of exclamation points in this tag, Erwin is excite
"I think they like coffee too." Erwin has no qualms about absolutely bombing a flask of coffee with sugar and serving it up! That's practically how he drinks it himself! "Or we could use one of those blends you don't like as much. No sense in wasting the good stuff on them."
Erwin beams up at Levi, letting his arm shift from around Levi's shoulders to down around the curve of his waist, his hand pressing flat against the small of Levi's back. If they're going to stay in bed and cuddle like this, Erwin needs a few moments to get his other arm on! He can cuddle much better with both hands!
"Eggs. And bacon." Something delicious and heart-clogging, please. He stretches up to close that distance between them, nabbing himself another kiss. "Let's get some bath bombs while we're out, too. For later."
Something that makes a lot of bubbles, smells good, and dyes the water all kinds of colors. Erwin has discovered them recently and is all in on the idea.
"Not a bad idea..." His eyes drift softly closed as that touch travels down his body, settles warmly low on his back. Levi lets more of his weight sink onto Erwin, hips pressed low on his abdomen, propped up on his forearms. They could stay here a while longer, he thinks.
He hums softly into the kiss, both pleased to give one more and in approval of Erwin's requests. Hands curl into blonde hair, tugging his head back gently to angle the next kiss a little deeper, even slipping tongue past his lips. It's slow and lazy and thorough. When it breaks, Levi drops a soft kiss on the tip of Erwin's sculptural nose.
"Whatever you want," he murmurs softly. "Husband."
As Levi settles in, Erwin feels himself sink deeper into the mattress, and maybe breakfast can wait. Especially after a kiss like that, which leaves Erwin slightly breathless and more than a little willing to forgo previous plans.
"What I'd like," he decides, once he's got his breath back, "if we're going to stay here awhile longer, is to go put my arm on, so I can hold you with both arms."
He doesn't sleep with his prosthetic. It's a toss-up: Levi will lose the full access to his chest from the arm's straps, but he'll get held in two arms instead of one. Choices, choices.
It's quite the toss-up. As much as he does like being wrapped up in Erwin's arms, there's quite a lot to be said for pressing his face into that pillowy chest of his, unencumbered. This is quite nice as they are, and so far Levi has no complaints. He lingers a little, shifting to splay one hand over his skin, tracing against calluses and his collar bone, just touching, moving in wider circles out to brush over his right shoulder. Erwin hasn't always liked attention to his scars, so he just skims it without traveling down to the truncated arm, but still leans in and leaves another kiss to his shoulder anyway.
But Erwin has asked to hold him with both arms, and really, Levi can't argue with that. So he just hums, says "all right" before stealing one more brief kiss, and shifts to stretch for the prosthetic set off to the side of the bed.
He's trying to do it without actually moving from his spot on Erwin's chest, even though he'll have to do it in a minute anyway. Grabbing it on a full body stretch, he sits up, straddling Erwin's hips now, to give him a little room to sit up.
Erwin doesn't particularly enjoy anyone paying attention to his stump, or acknowledging its presence. He doesn't mind Levi touching his gear scars, though, or the new callouses the prosthetic has left on his chest. Those scars, weirdly enough, feel earned, while the scars on his stump feel given. It's a strange distinction, but one that is very much there in his mind.
The muscle on his right shoulder used to bother Erwin too, when it had atrophied and gotten smaller than the muscle on his left arm. It's gotten stronger now, from moving the prosthetic, leaving him more or less symmetrical again, so he stays loose and relaxed while Levi touches it.
When Levi sits up, Erwin does too, taking his arm with a soft, murmured thanks. He's well practiced in getting it on now, holding the arm itself by pressing it against his body with his stump as he adjusts the straps, then holding the main strap in his teeth as he lifts the arm and slots it into place. He can do it himself, but he won't protest if Levi offers some help with the straps.
Once it's on and secure, Erwin flexes the hand a few times and moves the elbow up and down, making sure it's satisfactory, before putting both arms around Levi and lowering them back down to the bed.
Levi would have a thing or two to say about surviving a Titan chewing off his arm not being earned, but by the same token, he would understand; effort versus circumstance, maybe. It still means that he survived. And managed to be the one to actually rescue Eren and make that mission a success. It'd been no small accomplishment.
(Nevermind that it took Levi himself some time to not think about how the outcome might have been different if he'd been there if not for his own injury, but that's water far under the bridge at this point, one he's long past dwelling on. Mostly.)
He does help with the straps, more than practiced at it now. There's intimacy in this, too, and he's been quietly glad to see Erwin thriving with the arm, now long used to its touch. Even so, he settles nearer to Erwin's left side, to feel his warmth better.
"Mm," he intones mildly, curling up against his chest again, resting his chin on his hands and just gazing up at Erwin lazily. "Not bad."
It's true, Erwin was particularly badass that day. He still isn't sure how he escaped and managed to use the gear one-handed; most of the day is a blur. There is definitely a point to be made about him acting more careless and foolhardy than usual, and how he'd gotten too used to having Levi watch his back. The titan that got his arm would have never gotten that close if Levi had been there; of that, Erwin is certain. Not that he blames Levi for what happened; it was completely his own fault, his own carelessness, that lost him his arm.
(From another perspective, if he hadn't had his arm out and held away from his body, rather than pointing forward, the titan wouldn't have had anything bite down on except his torso, a much less survivable injury. Maybe losing his arm alone was the best possible outcome.)
Erwin sighs as they settle back in, adjusting himself so Levi has as much warm skin as possible to lounge on. "I'm glad you approve." With his arm on, he's now able to curl it around Levi's back while simultaneously playing with his hair with the other hand. Glorious!
Erwin closes his eyes for a few moments, just revelling in the sensations of touch and closeness. "I have to tell you... this is already a top five birthday."
Erwin had left him with Hange to handle Pastor Nick and other situations that didn't require him to be risking his already injured ankle. It'd been the right choice, even if he had quietly grated at staying behind. Watching them all go hadn't been easy, and hearing that the Commander had had his arm bitten off had chilled him to the core. Levi didn't leave his side often for those first several days.
They're here now. Just as Erwin settles in and closes his eyes, Levi does the same, lulled by that touch, like a cat basking in the sun. Despite all the plans they've just made, he's in no hurry to move anywhere. Erwin's heartbeat is strong.
Levi yawns, drapes his arm across Erwin's torso to rest lightly against his hip. "What are the other four?"
Erwin had been lucky to have Levi there with him, in those early days after his injury. He'd been consumed by fever, sometimes actively hallucinating, and in so much pain that even the hardest drugs available had barely been able to touch it. Levi had been something he'd focused on, a touchstone, something that was real and constantly present for Erwin to circle back towards. Erwin knows it can't have been easy, caring for him during time, and he's eternally grateful that Levi had stayed so close. There are very few people Erwin would trust to see him in that state, and he also knows Levi kept away those who would use his weakness against him.
Now, in the lazy autumn sunshine, Erwin chuckles softly. "Putting me on the spot, aren't you?"
He thinks it over for a few moments, lightly tracing nonsense designs across Levi's back. "My eighth birthday was good. My father got me my first book of poetry, and my mother made apple cake."
Another pause. "The last one, when we were still in our own world. Do you remember?"
They'd been out on a mission, out beyond the Walls. It had been before the 104th graduated, before they'd even heard of titan shifters, in a time that feels impossibly simple now. It had gotten dark, and they'd bedded down for the night, setting up patrols to keep watch. They'd gotten lucky; there hadn't been any abnormals around, and they'd managed to clear the immediate area of titans when there was still daylight.
They'd made a bonfire, and all the veterans--so many of them lost, now--had gathered around it. There hadn't been cake, or alcohol, or anything like that. But they'd all been together, and Mike, of all people, had gotten everyone to sing happy birthday.
It hadn't been easy, but not for the reasons Erwin might think - his anxiety over possibly losing him to the injury manifested in being a fucking menace to nearly anyone who entered the room, especially to the doctor, threatening them with colorful violence if they let him die, forcing them to clean their hands and tools in front of him to minimize the risk of infection. The fear had eaten a hole in his stomach, made him overly snappish until Hange'd had to rein him in. Illness always seemed to unsettle him.
The touch is so soothing, Levi almost feels himself being lulled to sleep again. There's a matching pause, and perhaps for a moment Erwin might think he is asleep, until he answers quietly.
"...yeah."
It did feel like a lifetime ago. Expeditions always meant tragedy and loss, but there was always an undeniable heartening in moments like that one. The camaraderie of gathering around the fire with the others, something so simple and fleeting and yet so inescapably human. They'd still faced death, in those days, but it had felt so different, then. Naive, looking back on it now, to somehow not realize there could be even worse terrors coming for them, and things even more unimaginable on the horizon.
It's those pockets of happiness that had been so vital to keep going. To keep believing that better things were possible.
Levi presses his fingers against Erwin a moment, just a little anchor, before shifting enough to regard him with a mild expression.
If Erwin could have one birthday wish granted by the crystal, it would be that everyone who'd been around that campfire could be here with them. Everyone at the fire, and everyone else they'd lost before. Even if it were only for a day, or a few hours... they all deserve a chance to be somewhere like Somnius, somewhere they can simply be and find their happiness without titans or politics or the other horrors of their world.
"What, really?" Erwin lifts his eyebrows, then pushes his lower lip out in a pout. "But it's my birthday, Levi."
Heart of stone, his husband has, heart of stone!
Erwin can't keep the pout up for longer than a moment or two, though; it dissolves into a smile, and he spreads his hand broad across Levi's back, running it from his shoulders to his hips in a long, smooth stroke. "Maybe next year."
And then he shifts, getting up onto one elbow. "If we don't get up now, we're going to end up staying here all day."
[During 12/25, Erwin will have a package delivered. Inside is a selection of teas and a knit lap blanket with his name embroidered on one of the corners.] Hello Erwin! I wanted to make you something for the season and also reasoned that a nice drink can go along with a blanket. I hope the coming year is good for you and Levi both. - Eilonwy
[There's little fanfare about this gift. Blue doesn't know exactly where Erwin resides, so she leaves it to the mail-mice to make this delivery. The package is light, rectangular, wrapped in brown paper tied with a string, easily held in one hand. A note has been fastened to the cord, writing in vine-like script across the plain card:]
I hope you'll enjoy these. I've copied them as best as I can remember. -Iris
[Upon opening the package, he'll find a book-- more like a journal, really. Each page has been hand-written in the same script with poems and verses, none of which are currently found in the village library. Some may bear some resemblance to literature from the most common version of Earth, but others are from entirely different versions of history. On the inside cover, an additional note has been inked: Teachers affect eternity.]
I should be unaffected. Please, come over. I'll leave the door open; just let yourself in.
[Erwin leaves the line open, in case Reiner has more to say, but he starts moving around the cottage as he waits. He gets the spare room--Hange's room, once--set up for a visitor, with fresh sheets and blankets, in case Reiner decides he wants to stay for a few days. He throws together a simple, filling meal, setting it to simmer on the stovetop. He even puts out extra towels in the bathroom. The whole time, he's keeping half an eye on the door, ready to drop everything when Reiner arrives.]
[ It takes Reiner a little longer to arrive than it ought to. He's moving slower than normal, exhaustion and the weight of everything making it difficult to keep moving forward. But move forward he does, making it to Erwin's and letting himself inside.
The scent of cooking food hits him first, causing his otherwise uninterested stomach to grumble a bit. He stands in the doorway for a second, looking as drained as he feels. As if all the weight that had been lifted in the past few weeks all crashed down at once.
No, Erwin thinks as he moves forward, towards where Reiner lingers in the doorway, that’s not fair. He looks exhausted, wrung out, like the weight of the world is held up on his shoulders. Whatever happened to him—and will Erwin be calling around to find out why he wasn’t informed of this earlier? Did dream world David Bowie wear trousers that put his dick front and center?—it must have been horrible.
Erwin has sympathy. He remembers what it’s like to die too.
“Come here.” It’s something he would have never done back home. He couldn’t; he had to stay aloof and distant, had to separate himself from his soldiers so he could do what needed to be done. But he doesn’t have to be that person here. He can be better. Kinder.
He can be the kind of man the kids need.
“Come here, Reiner.” He opens his arms as he approaches, offering a hug if Reiner wants it.
Precisely what he anticipated upon arriving here, Reiner isn't sure. Coffee, maybe. A kind word and ear. Erwin has been so willing to listen to him, so willing to talk. Despite coming from the same world, there's none of the heavy baggage between them, no personal feelings of betrayal. It makes things easier. Makes it simpler to build a relationship here that is independent of their roles back home.
He doesn't expect Erwin to come toward him with his arms open.
It's more than he ever could have hoped.
Reiner's expression twists as he moves to meet Erwin, letting himself be wrapped in those arms, his own wrapping around Erwin in turn. Immediately, he's all but clinging. The weight of everything presses down and down, and…
"I remembered," he starts, speaking against Erwin's shoulder. "I remembered what I forgot. It slowed me down a second too long. And then…"
That's all it takes; one moment of distraction, a fraction of a second where your attention is diverted, and then everything changes. Erwin tightens his grip on Reiner, and makes a soft sound of understanding.
"What had you forgotten?" Erwin is aware of that, people forgetting important things, but he isn't suffering from it himself. At least, he hopes he isn't. There's been no indication that he was affected.
Either way, asking for clarification is going to hurt. But it's also important to get these things out, lest they fester under the skin.
Reiner inhales a shuddering breath. Exhales it slowly, trying to control himself. Trying not to dissolve into tears. But he can feel them pricking at his eyes anyway, the pain of what he experienced still too fresh, too raw.
"Bertolt," he answers. "I… This place made me forget what happened to him. Then it all came back. All at once."
His fingers dig into the fabric of Erwin's shirt. Holding on tighter.
"Let it out. It will hurt worse if you keep it in."
And there's no judgment here, none at all. Erwin has spent enough nights on his own, beating himself up for decisions he's made, lives lost on his behalf.
Bertolt. Reiner's other half. The boy who died at Shiganshina, the one who almost went down Erwin's throat, if Levi hadn't changed his mind at the last minute. Erwin wonders if Reiner would be here, wanting to tell him about it, if he'd been the one who killed the boy. Somehow, he thinks he wouldn't.
"This place can be very cruel sometimes. But you know that anyone who knows you, anyone who saw the two of you back then, doesn't believe for a second that you would ever forget that on your own, right?"
How could they? Bertolt is woven all through Reiner, as much as Levi is woven through Erwin. He wouldn't forget. He can't forget.
Let it out, Erwin says. And so comes the first shuddering sob, low and wounded. Reiner cries quietly, but he cries all the same, his shoulders shaking as his grip tightens on Erwin. Seeking the stability Erwin provides.
It helps, what Erwin is saying. Helps to have outside reassurance that he wouldn't have forgotten his partner. Not on his own. (Not as he made himself forget what happened to Marco.) But the fact that it could be done to him at all still claws at Reiner's mind, making him doubt his memories.
How could Bertolt's fate be carved so neatly from his life? How could Reiner's mind have filled in the gaps so thoroughly?
"I wouldn't," he promises. "I would never forget him. Not anything about him."
And yet, he did. Those memories were lifted from his mind with Reiner none the wiser.
Maybe later, once the raw hurt has been soothed a bit, Erwin will point out that Reiner didn't completely forget Bertolt. He'll look back on their previous conversations, and when they had them; he's all but certain Reiner has mentioned Bertolt to him during this time when he forgot. It doesn't seem like Reiner forgot the good things about him, but only his death.
Without letting go or loosening his grip, Erwin starts to gently steer Reiner towards the couch. They can mourn Bertolt just as easily there as here, and be more comfortable while they do it.
"Will you tell me about him?" Erwin makes the request gently, ready to be rebuffed if that feels like too much for Reiner. "I knew him so briefly. Most of my memories are of him standing slightly behind you and looking intimidated."
Which, in all fairness, is how a lot of Erwin's early memories of the 104th recruits went.
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13thcommander) wrote2027-11-09 11:35 am
[Voice]
[Voice]
[Voice]
[Voice]
[Voice]
[Video] sometime after the event
[Video]
[A pause.]
They wanted you badly. You, specifically, for all your knowledge and wisdom. If they ever come back, please stay somewhere hidden and safe. Your knowledge in their hands would be... devastating.
Re: [Video]
It's not about me.
How are you?
[Video]
[Said with all the conviction of someone who is, in fact, not fine.]
Private
We can talk about it if you want. I don't blame you at 'll. I know you didn't have control over your actions.
I do forgive you.
Private
Is that... something people do, in your world? Talk about their troubles and forgive so easily?
[Sounds fake.]
Re: Private
[The Doctor gives a hard whince] Not the first time someone I know has been brainwashed [he states with a low growl and then softens again]- in order to get to me.
I know you didn't have control of your actions. I can't hold you accountable when you were being mind controlled.
And you were - inside screaming, weren't you? Trying to regain control.
Private
[Erwin is very, very glad that he was so awful at recruitment.]
Yes. The whole time. It was like... like drowning in a bright light.
Re: Private
I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry.
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[Erwin takes a deep breath, then visibly pushes his emotional turmoil aside. There's no time for that now.]
I have no right to ask this, but your technology is beyond anything I've ever seen. Would you be capable of making me a functional prosthetic arm?
[The whole Illithid thing happened because Erwin overestimated his capabilities, and a large part of that is, when he's making decisions, he still thinks he has two arms.]
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Yes! Oh yes!
I actually have a few in the Clinic I've been tweaking with.
[You know in case and also, being bored.]
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[He was just... making arms? You know what, Erwin isn't going to question it.]
May I visit the Clinic sometime and see them?
action;
Levi stalks back to their treehouse home immediately in a troubled mood. He finds Erwin at their kitchen table, doing something or other, and without even offering any sort of greeting, blurts out:
"Erwin, we need to talk about this guy Kimbley you're all buddy-buddy with lately."
He's stopped on the other side of the table, arms crossed tightly over his chest as though trying to contain a clearly unsettled energy that's thrumming through him, tightening his shoulders high and tense.
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He looks up when he hears Levi come in, and is ready to gently tease him about this 'commander of my heart' business when he sees the look on his face. That shuts down any teasing immediately, as does Levi's declaration.
"All right." Erwin turns off his communicator and sets it aside, giving Levi his full attention. "Have you been talking with him too?"
Obviously Levi has, or he wouldn't be this stirred up, but Erwin is ready to hear what Levi has to say.
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It helps to settle a little of his unease, but also seems to provoke at a lingering feeling he's been struggling with recently, one that some people might know as homesickness but Levi has never experienced, or even thought about.
Erwin gets leveled with an impatient stare. "No, I'm harassing you over some guy I know fuckall about," he drawls dryly. "Yeah, I've talked to him. What the fuck is your angle?"
Because while he knows Erwin has a much higher tolerance for bullshit than Levi does, there's got to be something else at play, right?
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"He's powerful. Not now, but when he gets his alchemy back, he will be." Of course Erwin has an angle; the fact that he genuinely enjoys Kimbley's company helps, but he's incapable of just having friends and knowing people anymore. Everyone is a game piece on Erwin's mental chessboard, and a few months in this place hasn't changed that. "I'd rather have someone with abilities like that on my side than against me."
It's the same reason he fought so hard to get control of Eren from the MPs. If anyone is going to have someone that powerful fighting alongside him, it's going to be Erwin, come hell or high water.
But he can also understand Levi's reluctance to team up with the man. He hopes Levi hasn't heard about the Shou Tucker alchemist and the kinds of things he was doing with his abilities. He hopes, for Tucker's sake and for Levi's mental health, that Tucker never shows up here and never meets Levi.
Erwin gestures at the chair across the table. "Would you like me to put the kettle on?"
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Levi shifts his weight, agitated and restless. "He'll be dangerous."
He hasn't heard about any other alchemists; his conversations with the man have been much more limited, and truthfully one seems enough to worry about as it is, given what they can allegedly do.
When Erwin gestures to the chair, he just shakes his head, too unsettled to sit. His arms folded across his chest tighten briefly as he answers: "Sure, if you want."
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"No, probably not." Erwin isn't delusional; he knows Kimbley is dangerous and unhinged. But he's also always been a gambler, and he wonders if there's something underneath the posturing and devil-may-care attitude. What if the man is just lonely? What if having someone on his side would actually make a difference to him?
Erwin has known a few people like that.
"We've known a lot of dangerous people." Erwin opens the cupboard and gets two mugs down. Then he fetches a box of herbal tea and offers it to Levi for measuring and eventual seeping. "And I'd argue that we can be dangerous ourselves, when we put our minds to it."
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"Yeah, we can be," he returns after a moment, starting to carefully measure the dried herbs and citrus pieces into the strainers in each cup. Levi is painfully aware of how efficient he is at killing compared to anyone else other than the titan shifters, who have him outclassed effectively on size alone.
"But we don't think of people's lives as fundamentally worthless." Which is the real heart of the problem, as far as he's concerned. Of course he hasn't gone around and done a whole survey of the people here - Kimbley could hardly be the only one. But how many of those people could potentially and so easily murder with seemingly little effort?
...probably several, if other conversations were any indication.
But how many of them were in such proximity to Erwin?
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"No. We've never thought that." Levi hasn't, anyway. Erwin has, at some of his darkest times, made calculations of people's worth, and chosen where to position them accordingly. It's not something he's proud of, but he's done it, and he'll do it again if he has to. Not worthless, maybe, but with a value that's very definable and quantifiable, based on the situation, and Erwin isn't entirely convinced which of those options is uglier. At least Kimbley is fair, and assumes everyone is worthless; Erwin will use everything he knows about someone to make a decision on whether someone's life is worth preserving, and his own needs take ultimate precedent.
No wonder he always slept like shit back home.
"I might be an optimist, but I wonder how many people have ever actually listened to Kimbley." Not many, Erwin's thinking. "He lets interesting things slip when he thinks no one is paying attention."
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Levi lets that comforting familiarity seep into him, feels his heart rate slow and some tension release from his hands.
Of course they've had to make calculations on the lives of others. That was the price of leadership, the burden Erwin carried to see out his vision - because even if his true motivations had been ultimately self-serving, everything he'd done still counted towards humanity's freedom. Because people still mattered. Any time it seemed he was in danger of losing sight of that, Levi would remind him, was there to help him shoulder that burden, because someone needed to be willing to make those choices. If Erwin didn't care, Levi wouldn't follow him.
He's quiet, absorbing calm from Erwin's soothing touch as he carefully puts the tea and measuring spoon back in their proper places in the cupboard. His hands settle lightly on the countertop, gaze drifting to the golden glint on his left before he sighs, shaking his head.
"Maybe. In my experience, people like that happy to tell you exactly the kind of fucked up they are." Levi glances up at Erwin. "What did he tell you?"
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"It's more what he hasn't said." Erwin thinks back on his conversations with Kimbley; he knew a chat like this with Levi would come sooner or later, and he's been quietly mulling things over in anticipation. He also just plain likes Kimbley, and is interested in what makes him tick. "He talks all the time about his world, if you ask him questions. He's told me about alchemy, and the people he knows, and the world he comes from. What's strange, though, is how he's always on the outside of the conversation, like someone else looking in. The only person he seems to have had any kind of connection with was his commanding officer, who was here briefly but then disappeared."
Erwin drums a brief little beat on Levi's back as he puts the pieces the rest of the way together. "I don't think he cares about anyone there because no one has ever cared about him. He's someone that's always been viewed for what he can do, rather than who he is."
Which should sound familiar to both of them.
So many anime tropes up in here!"I have a feeling that the best way to get through to him is to just be there."
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His expression flattens, matched in his voice. "Maybe because who he is is super fucked up."
He shifts away a little from the tapping fingers - that's not a particularly welcome sensation at the moment, drumming jitteriness back into his nerves. The water is finally ready - not yet boiling, but on the cusp - and he falls silent, pouring it out with a critical eye.
Turning back to Erwin, a deeper frown creases his expression.
"And what if there's nothing to get through to? You'll have just put yourself the closest within reach of someone who can turn you into a fucking human bomb just by touching you."
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"Maybe. But what would he gain from turning me into a bomb?" Erwin shrugs and spreads his hand out at his side. "I have no authority here, no power. If anything, attacking me would be a mistake, because then he'd have you after him." Of that, Erwin has no doubt. If anything explosive happens to him, Levi will be so far up Kimbley's ass that Kimbley will be tasting tea leaves on his tonsils. Erwin shakes his head. "No, I don't think he'll attack me, if for no other reason than he seems to enjoy having an audience."
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Sure, it had been a gamble; there's no way to have predicted that forcing him into the Survey Corps would have gone well, that they all wouldn't have tried to escape at some point if they decided they didn't want to risk their lives fighting titans even after Erwin had foiled their plans. He might have had contingencies, but surely that had always been a potential risk.
Had Erwin known, or had he just guessed that he had a chance of swinging Levi to his cause? It wasn't hard to tell that at least he actually gave a damn about people. And Isabelle...after only a few days she'd already become swept up in the cause. She would have stayed, and they would have stayed with her--
People like that, though? All they have to do is decide that they don't care about anything anymore. Kimbley wouldn't just have Levi up his ass, he'd be dead, as many times over as needed until it stuck - but if he reaches the point where that doesn't matter, then there's no reason for him to hold back.
Still, he has to concede that Erwin does have a point, however, supported by what Kimbley had said himself.
His arms cross unhappily over his chest again, and he's silent for several moments staring at the tea as it bleeds flavor and color into the hot water. In truth there isn't anything he can do about the situation that he hasn't already done. Levi gives a short, agitated sigh and shifts his feet, shaking his head.
"...all right, Erwin."
Acceptance is all he has left. He nudges a mug in his direction with one hand.
"Here."
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The day after Farlan and Isabelle died, when Erwin was on edge and prepared for an epic throw down with Levi, Mike sought him out. He'd simply squeezed Erwin's shoulder, announced that Levi was on their side, that he smelled trustworthy now, and slouched off. It had been Mike who called off the contingency plan, not Erwin.
So yeah, Erwin has some experience with loose cannons.
He knows Levi doesn't like this, though, and doesn't take the cup right away. He puts his hand back on Levi's back, and this time there's no drumming, no tapping along his spine; it's a simple, soothing caress on that spot between Levi's shoulder blades, where he's always so tightly wound.
"I'm not going to do anything foolish, Levi. I have too much going on here." There are books to read, strange creatures to poke, interesting new foods to eat. And, most of all, there's Levi, and time, and no titans, and Erwin isn't giving up any of that readily. "I promise I'll pull back if I think I'm in any danger."
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The hand between his shoulders has the effect it almost always does - his muscles unlock slightly, automatically, and Levi closes his eyes a moment, just soaking in the sensation, in Erwin's presence, trying to let it soothe away all of his worry. It doesn't quite, but...it's enough, for now. It'll have to be.
"...it's not you I'm worried about," he says quietly, and reaches for his own mug. "But I trust you."
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"So what's got you worked up?" If Levi isn't worried about Erwin, then what's the problem? He's obviously not worried about Erwin hurting Kimbley, so what is it?
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The arm around him is not confining, but secure. Supportive, strong. Levi sets his left hand to that forearm, tracing slowly with his palm until he finds Erwin's hand curled at his waist. The question continues to go unanswered as slender fingers carefully trace the gold band, then slide into the space between to twine and lock together, holding them in place.
Like this, he can easily imagine what it would be like for Erwin to have both arms wrapped around him; fully engulfed, like drowning but in the best way. Levi doesn't lament or wish for it so much as wonder. He is happy with this, which is already more than he could have ever really imagined having. How could he possibly fathom thinking it's not enough?
He sighs a little, more of a slow exhale.
"...too many unknowns, here." He says finally. "Weirdass people, weirdass monsters...weirdass magic...feels like I don't know where I'm supposed to be looking."
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Still, he holds Levi as best he can, and when Levi leans back against his chest and then takes his hand, Erwin feels a little better. He owes it to Levi to be more careful, to not stress him out with his wild antics; it's just unfortunate that Erwin's definition of wild antics is much wilder than the typical person's.
"I know." Things are definitely weird as hell here, and it's clearly getting to Levi more than Erwin. Erwin has been embracing the weirdness, because what else is he supposed to do? This is all he has left, all the life he'll get to live, and he'd be a fool to not take advantage of it. But it isn't that way for Levi, and it's hard to turn down the heightened sense of danger they'd lived with for so long back home. "I wish I had an answer for you."
At least back home the dangers were familiar. Titans are nasty, but they don't try to take over anyone's minds.
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The point is that the only thing he really can trust here is Erwin. To trust what he says, trust his judgment, trust that he understands the risks even if he's going to take them anyway. Perhaps that had been Levi's biggest source of anxiety in the moment, that he just needed reassurance and acknowledgment that he's read the situation correctly, that they're on the same page of understanding. But short of someone being an active threat, it's not as though Levi can demand certain behaviors from either Erwin or Kimbley or anyone else.
Everything is different here. He's adapted, because he's had to. Some things are better, some strange shit is routine now, other stuff he's written off as not worth the bother to try to puzzle out, can be someone else's problem. But something is under his skin, distant but constant, and not sharp or formed enough that he can pinpoint it well enough or long enough to do anything about.
This helps, though. Erwin helps. And so Levi just tries to focus on what he can feel and hear and let everything else evaporate, even if just for a little while.
"It's all right," he mutters, not making any motions to move but squeezing Erwin's hand briefly. "I'll be fine so long as you stay in one piece."
you write beautiful, thoughtful tags, and I respond with this
Aw yeah, reassurance. Nailed it.
lol tbf I didn't give you much to respond to, Levi's just up in his head :')
He'll do anything to prevent losing more of Erwin; physically or mentally, or entirely. Perhaps here he'll finally be able to do more than be good enough just to survive, he'll actually be able to protect someone important to him. Past events haven't completely supported that idea, but he's better prepared, now.
Hopefully, anyway.
Levi presses back into Erwin minutely before muttering in a tone that sounds closer to a threat than affection: "Yeah, you'd better. If something happens to this hand we have to move closer to the ground. I'll wipe your ass for you but I'm not hauling it up and down a ladder every day."
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He needs to keep himself together. He needs to keep pushing forward, to not let the darkness overtake him, and to be here and present.
Erwin snorts laughter into Levi's hair at his response. "That's reasonable. I'm too heavy to drag up and down a vertical drop. Asking someone to do that every day would be unfair."
He lowers his head, nosing the hair near Levi's ear out of the way so he can press another soft kiss behind it. "Are you feeling better now? Or do you want to work out the logistics of future ass wiping first?"
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The sensation of breath in his hair makes him shift, but if anything, he's just snuggling back even more into Erwin's chest.
"I could manage. It'd be easier for you, though."
Pressed this close, there's no hiding the way that kiss sends a shiver down his spine, forces him into inhale softly against the unexpected wave of pleasant tingles it sends through his limbs. His pulse may have jumped a heartbeat or two.
Levi tilts his chin upward with implicit permission for more, eyes falling closed as he just tries to let go of everything else. There's still knots bound up in his shoulders, because when are there not? But much more of the tension seems to melt away in the following moments.
"Hmm," he sighs, because while 'better' isn't quite the word he would use, he's at least not so wound up anymore. "S'pose we can figure that out later."
With his free hand, Levi reaches up to slide fingers over the soft, short hair at the back of Erwin's neck, gently holding him in place for a moment to turn and nuzzle appreciatively at his cheek in silent thanks. His lips brush at the corners of the man that's wrapped him in his arm - his husband - but only briefly, so as not to prolong the awkward, surely uncomfortable angle more than necessary. But he needed a little self indulgent moment.
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With Levi's head turned, Erwin is able to trail kisses down the side of his neck, from just behind the jut of his jawbone to along the taut tendon that turned his head. Levi smells different here, a certain wild, iron-y musk wafting up from under the usual smell of soap and clean skin. Erwin likes it, likes how it's so unmistakably Levi, and how he's the only one allowed to get close enough to know it's there.
Levi's little twisting motion just lets Erwin get close enough to mouth Levi's collarbone, but he doesn't hold it long enough for Erwin to really kiss him. It's probably for the best; the angle is starting to get awkward for both of them. When Levi twists out of it, though, Erwin loosens his arm slightly and steps back, but only so he can try to get Levi to turn around. Chest-to-back is good and all, but chest-to-chest is better, and Erwin's aim will be a lot better if Levi is facing him.
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But then Erwin is releasing him, just a little - just enough to turn, which is good, because now Levi wants a real kiss. Or two. Or three. Or as many as he can get.
All thoughts of tea are completely abandoned as he turns in the protective, safe circle of Erwin's arm, reaching to cup his face. For several heartbeats, Levi just holds them both there, staring quietly into blue eyes that remind him of a clear, spring day, and vows softly:
"I will never let anything happen to you."
And then, raising up onto his toes, sets their lips together.
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"I know you won't." It won't always be Levi's decision, not back home, but here? Here, Erwin can give Levi that. Here, he can be cautious and safe and not aggravate Levi too much; he'll aggravate him a little, or otherwise he wouldn't be Erwin Smith, but it'll be comparatively small potatoes. Making friends with Kimbley feels much safer than charging headlong at abnormal titans.
Erwin bends down to kiss Levi back, but since they're in the kitchen and near the counter, he has a plan to fix it. Erwin stoops down and loops his arm around Levi's thighs before tightening his hold and straightening up. If Levi doesn't wiggle free, Erwin will be able to put him on the kitchen counter, making them the same height. Better kissing for everyone!
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Par for the course, really. But it doesn't have to be.
There's a faint noise of confusion and surprise when Erwin bends down and then lifts him to the counter, his hands going to broad shoulders to steady himself as his feet leave the floor. For some reason, that sets his heart beating faster once again, especially feeling the strength in him, the strong grip against his thigh. Levi has always known that Erwin is strong - the man had held his own that first day they met, after all - but so rarely has it ever been used on him.
He huffs in an obligatory protest - ass on the counter, really? - but can't argue with the results. Winding fingers into Erwin's shirt collar, he tugs him close, knees to either side of hips.
"You been working out when I'm not looking, Blondie?"
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Erwin chuckles softly at Levi's question. A huge part of his identity, ever since he was twelve years old and joined the Cadet Corps, has been his strength; he's always tried to project the image of being powerful, a sentinel against the horrors behind the walls. Losing his arm had shattered that view, made him frighteningly mortal for the first time, and Erwin has, privately, been grappling with that. Or at least he hopes his struggles have been private. If anyone was going to notice, it would be Levi.
"Climbing the ladder everyday helps." Lifting Levi had really been more in Erwin's core and legs than his arm, but he'll take the compliment. He winds his arm around Levi's waist and presses in close against him, his mouth back on Levi's neck.
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Of course he had noticed - had tried to provide quiet support where he could without stepping over Erwin's confidence. Over time he had become more self sufficient. The man had been prepared to go riding out on a horse and use the 3DMG single handedly, despite Levi trying to convince him not to because survival was difficult enough with both arms. As far as he was concerned, Erwin as a symbol had never diminished. Even when they had finally been reunited after the successful coups, when Erwin had been bound and beaten before triumphing, he had stood tall and proud.
For Levi, he always would.
"Yeah..." Is all he can think to say, because then Erwin is close again, and that's all he wants right now. His eyes drift shut as his chin tilts upward to bare more of his throat, trusting and pleased, his lips parted slightly to sigh out pleasant little breaths or pull in sharp inhales, depending on the sensation. It all sends warm, lovely little tendrils of electricity into his chest, as though carried through the pulse in his throat down to his heart.
One hand finds its way to settle at the back of Erwin's neck, fingernails scraping lightly against his scalp and fingertips rubbing at the soft hair of his undercut. Finally Levi noses him back long enough to take some kisses of his own, sliding their mouths together hotly. He feels warm, a flush spreading through his body, and everything else vanishes but for the man twined with him.
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Erwin presses in against the kitchen counter, the ledge digging in just under his hips. He's no virgin, but this is something different, something he's never had before; most of his sexual experience has been brief, quick fumblings behind barns or up in trees over the walls. He's never had the chance to slow down and truly experience a partner before. Some of that is his own fault; when he lived life like he could die any day, it hadn't been fair to his partners to let any emotional connection develop, and Erwin wasn't above visiting brothels when the urge struck him. He was always polite and tipped handsomely, especially when he paid for the kind of things he couldn't imagine asking a partner to do to him. Maybe, with enough time and effort, he'll learn how to ask for those things with Levi.
Levi's mouth is hot and eager under his, and Erwin groans softly as he presses closer to him. Almost without Erwin's knowledge, he's been getting an erection, and the shift forward presses his cock against Levi's thigh.
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It's difficult to say if his aversion to most touch was because of it or just exacerbated by the things that he witnessed nearly daily in the underground. Abuse and coercion were rampant, but it was not always so. He knew plenty about what it all meant by the time he entered his teenage years, but never once felt a real desire to do anything with anyone, to touch or be touched by anyone else, especially not like that, or like this, or like anything. One or two tried, and left disappointed, if not outright terrified and were never seen again.
Later, he'd considered Farlan, once. All right - more than once, but after their first and only kiss, Levi hadn't known at all what to do, had disappeared for two days and by the time he returned, Farlan had understandably taken that for his answer and never asked about it again. After that, Levi had had no fucking clue what to do, too embarrassed to broach the topic let alone ask for anything else, and eventually whatever that could have been settled into the closest friendship he'd ever had until that time.
But then he was gone.
...and then there was Erwin.
Even after several weeks since that day in the labyrinth, they've been so wholly content to just be close, to curl up together, to kiss and hold and breathe in. And perhaps lately, Levi's began to wonder, to notice more, all the things about Erwin that he's never not thought about before, but could far more easily set aside when it seemed it would never amount to anything. Erwin is tall and strong and handsome and just so fucking unbearably attractive, it's just as well that it's easy to shut down that part of himself, because how else could he have been expected to function with those eyes and that chest and those thighs just walking around?
Fuck.
So he's thought about it, but thinking and doing are two far different experiences, and so often whenever they're close Levi just finds himself soothed rather than aroused, sinking into Erwin's solid, reassuring presence and finding solace in the beat of his heart.
That's all true still even now, but in this particular moment, want seems to tingle at his fingertips, and perhaps could even eventually travel to lower, needier places.
Which is all to say that it takes him a moment, but then he's fully aware of just what is pressing against his leg. That little groan had likewise done something to him, shivering along his spine and making him lean more into the kiss. He's not quite sure what to do yet - of if even Erwin is aware of just how obvious he is yet (and fuck, he's huge, right? he has to be. Levi's caught brief glimpses of him flaccid, and he can't even begin to imagine what that looks like fully erect--)
Levi feels his toes flex, his thighs tense around the hips between them, and kisses Erwin deeply. Perhaps he's still sorting things out, or just waiting for Erwin's lead here, but if the man somehow doesn't notice after a minute...well then he'll have to say something, won't he?
His right hand is still settled at the back of Erwin's neck, the other smoothing out over his chest and splaying his fingers wide, as though to feel for the pace of his breath and the beating of his heart. Alive. Here. His.
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The wild thing is that Levi knows exactly what's under the attractive veneer--or at least knows it better than anyone else, has seen parts of Erwin he's refused to show anyone else--and likes him anyway. Levi knows he's a monster and still agreed to marry him. Maybe that means Levi is fucked in the head, or that Erwin is the luckiest guy in the world. Maybe both. The point is, Erwin knows he's hot, but he's never felt hot, not until here in the Labyrinth, with Levi curled against him and groping at his chest.
Erwin feels Levi's thighs tightening around his hips, and he involuntarily cants them forward, pressing into Levi's warmth and solidity. When he does, he jabs Levi in the thigh again, and this time it's hard enough that Erwin realises what's going on below his belt.
He goes still, breaking off their kiss and leaning back to look down between them, like he needs a visual cue to really believe what's going on. Yeah, that... that certainly is a thing.
"Huh." He glances back up at Levi, his brows drawn in slightly, his lips pursed. "Didn't realise that soldier was back from leave."
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For all that he's tried to cast it off, let others scrape away pieces of it, Erwin Smith is still human, and Levi will hold fast to that for him if need be, for however long he has to.
Because Erwin, too, is worthy of love.
That's always what he wants to show him when they touch, when they kiss, when they're close. That here, especially, he can just be the man he is, rather than the commander everyone expects.
...and yes, that time, it's definitely more noticeable. Levi stills nearly the same time Erwin does, fingers curling in at his shirt. His pulse has jumped a little again, a flush creeping up from his chest toward his throat, but he's still trying to sort out what he wants.
Still, there's a smoldering heat in his eyes when he catches that brief glance. Levi shifts a little on the counter, thighs flexing again as he hooks one ankle around the back of Erwin's leg, just in case he was thinking of going somewhere. The corner of his lip twitches a bit at that comment, though.
"...looks like he's reporting for duty, Commander," he drawls dryly, sliding the hand on Erwin's chest up to join the other, looping both arms loosely around his neck. Fingertips brush through the soft peachfuzz there, almost like he's fidgeting. It's only then that he realizes this is the first time it's happened -- that he knows of, anyway, and from Erwin's comment, it probably is.
"That...uh-...didn't take much."
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"So he is." Erwin lets go of Levi long enough to adjust himself, so he's not getting squeezed by either his pants or the kitchen counter, then loops his arm back around Levi's waist.
"No, it... it didn't." This time Erwin flushes in earnest, and glances away. "I haven't... this hasn't happened in awhile. I wasn't sure it would, again."
Depression is killer on the old libido, and between that and losing his arm, Erwin hasn't had an erection in a few months. It's almost funny, how eagerly and readily things came back into action, given the proper impetus.
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I wasn't sure it would, again.
Oh.
For someone who rarely experiences sexual interest, it still never occurred to him that most people who do could have it just...stop. From the sound of it, it wasn't something that Erwin had expected either way. It can be strange and jarring, when your body doesn't react how you're used to, in either direction.
He's silent a moment, and then leans close again to leave a soft kiss at the corner of Erwin's lips, hoping to coax him back again. If that isn't enough, he'll shift a hand to set a gentle palm to Erwin's cheek to turn his face back, and nuzzle their foreheads together.
"Let me help," he mumbles lowly between them. "I-..." He lets out a breath, hands pressing against Erwin's neck to dissuade him from going anywhere. "I haven't. With anyone. So I-..."
Fuck. It's Levi's turn for a flush to blossom over his face, ears growing warm. But this close, Erwin at least can't see it right away. It's not something he's admitted - to anyone, really, content to let people make their assumptions and not correct them either way. It feels stupid to be embarrassed about it even so, but it's only fair for Erwin to know what he's in for. He knows plenty of the theoretical and mechanical how, he's just never really had to put any of it into practice. Certainly never on another person.
So he just might need a little guidance.
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He comes out of his own thoughts quickly enough when Levi offers to help, then admits his own inexperience. It's something Erwin has suspected for a long time, but never had any reason to question or investigate further. Most people in the Survey Corps had assumed Levi simply wasn't interested in sex, Erwin included; even here, in this world, he's thought Levi was content with kissing and the closeness they have and didn't need anything else. Him offering to help is both exciting and a little worrying.
"I don't want you doing anything you don't want to do." Erwin catches that blush, though, even with how close their faces are, and he dips his head to kiss along Levi's neck again. That, he knows Levi likes. "I can take care of it myself if it's not something you're interested in."
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Perhaps his reactions to those touches before have been too subtle, blending in with contented sighs or hidden away when he's just buried against the man's larger form, intent on stealing his warmth. But since nothing they did ever seemed to elicit any kind of obvious interest on Erwin's part either, it'd been easy enough to ignore. They had both seemed satisfied, and if Levi had recently awoken once or twice from his much shorter time asleep to find his own cock hard, he'd either willed it away or slipped away to take care of it quietly.
But Erwin doesn't know that, and he still tries to give him the opportunity to rescind the offer. The easy thoughtfulness stirs up a whirl of emotion in his chest, and Levi twists his fingers into Erwin's shirt to tighten his hold. When so many people would meet him with frustration or suffocating fussiness, Erwin is nothing but patience and understanding. Levi knows he can be difficult to understand, let alone tolerate enough to befriend or - somehow - love. But even when they've had their difficulties, Erwin has never been callous or cruel or dismissive, but meets him with acceptance and understanding.
On top of all that, he's fucking gorgeous. So yeah - Levi's thought about it.
This time, when soft lips move over his pulse and just under his ear, his breath audibly catches, and Levi feels his toes curl reflexively.
"I-" breathe, dammit. "...I want to." He licks his lips, trying to organize his thoughts. "I wouldn't offer to touch your dick if I didn't actually want to." That much, Erwin should trust. "But I also can't promise it'll be good or I'll want anything from you or-"
Fuck, he's rambling. Maybe he should ask Erwin to just drop him off the side of the treehouse and put them both out of his misery instead.
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"I have so many things I can show you." Erwin lifts his gaze then, meets Levi's eyes, and smiles. "I'm going to teach you everything I know."
Okay, his bag of tricks really isn't that big--he's not Gunther, that man had banged his way across half the walls and had the raunchiest stories in the Corps, of which Levi has no doubt heard many--but he's starting ahead of square one, which means he'll be in the lead here. For whatever reason, that idea makes him even more excited, and Erwin pointedly presses his erection against Levi's thigh.
"We're going to have so much fun."
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Fuck. What does he want? Levi doesn't know for himself, doesn't really want to try untangling it right this minute. This was supposed to be about Erwin, not him.
Levi shifts a little on the counter, thighs tightening around Erwin's waist again - he really is hung like a fucking horse, isn't he? - though he gives the man an even flatter look than usual.
"You sound like a hooker," he mutters, shaking his head. Don't be too put off Erwin - saying inappropriate things when he's out of his comfort zone is a familiar reaction. "I know how it all works. You pulled me out of the fucking slums, remember?" Levi's only ever overheard Gunther's exploits incidentally or secondhand, and had to lay down some fucking rules once he'd selected the man for his squad.
"I'm also not getting you off here in the kitchen, so."
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Levi says inappropriate things, and Erwin laughs at inappropriate things. That's exactly what happens now; Erwin snorts laughter through his nose, then buries his face along Levi's collarbones again.
"Point taken." He runs his lips towards where the two bones meet, and pauses to suck briefly on the skin just underneath them. When Levi shifts towards him, Erwin drops his arm, pressing his forearm close to Levi's ass, where he's sitting on the counter. "Then hold on, and we'll relocate."
With no more warning than that, Erwin pulls back and scoops, trying to get Levi off the counter and propped up on his forearm. This is a more difficult maneuver, and it's all going to depend on how tight Levi's grip with his legs is around Erwin's waist.
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Erwin laughs and noses into his chest, and Levi feels little butterflies in his stomach. One hand moves to card slowly through golden hair before he huffs and presses his face to it. What need did he have for sex, and all the time and effort and mess that it causes, when this sort of closeness already makes him happy?
Fingertips press harder against Erwin's scalp when he feels the soft heat of those lips increase in pressure. He exhales.
His legs tighten reflexively as he's dragged forward off the counter, heels pressing in at the small of Erwin's back while his arms encircle his shoulders for stability. It's easy enough for him to hold on like this, taking most of his own weight, but still - there's admittedly something stupidly nice (exciting? -- okay, maybe actually arousing) about Erwin using his larger size to his advantage, picking him up and moving him about.
"Not the couch, either," he drawls. "It'll be a pain in the ass to clean."
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Which is the main bedroom, where they've pushed the two beds together to make a big one. Erwin carries Levi to the bed and stops at the edge of it, waiting for Levi to unlink his arms and legs so he can gently toss him onto it. Erwin then immediately follows him down to the mattress, curling around him, drawing Levi close to his chest for more kisses and cuddling. Never let it be said that Erwin doesn't enjoy the closeness that they've already got; every moment they have together is snatched from time, and Erwin is grateful for all of them. If his dick hadn't started working again, that would have been okay, as long as they could be together like this.
But it did, and Levi expressed interest in it, so Erwin stops with the kisses after a few moments and pulls back, looking Levi in the face. He lifts his hand and cups Levi's cheek with it, running his thumb along Levi's high cheekbone. "I need you to talk to me during this, okay? I want to know if I'm doing anything--anything at all--that you don't like." Erwin smiles, trying to be encouraging. "You can use flare colours if you like. Green flares for good things I should keep doing, red flares if you want me to stop."
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Without really thinking about it, Levi tangles their legs together as they have done so many times before, but feels that stiffness yet again pressing against his thigh. Before he can really begin to consider his next steps, Erwin pauses their meandering kisses with a hand to his face. Levi leans into it at first, eyes closed and just enjoying the contact almost like a cat rubbing its face onto their favorite person. His eyes slit open as he speaks, blinking slowly as he regards Erwin (his husband his brain reminds him for the thousandth time, still incredulous) with a neutral expression that quirks just a little at the end, one eyebrow twitching briefly.
"...Don't worry. If I don't like something, you'll know." He's never been shy about enforcing his boundaries, after all. The trouble, really, is that those frequently tend to be easier to bend or change when it comes to Erwin. But he still goes out of his way to acknowledge that they exist - which is more than Levi could say with many people in his life. With Erwin, he never has to worry.
Levi increases the pressure of his leg against Erwin's cock, shifting experimentally.
"Same goes for you, Commander. If you like something, you gotta let me know."
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"I'm well aware." Boundaries are something Levi has never had a problem insisting on, but Erwin is also aware of how much easier it is for him to mold Levi to his will. He wants to make sure Levi knows he can tell Erwin to fuck off, and that Erwin will.
Although not when Levi is pressing against him like that. Erwin bows his head at the pressure, his hair falling forward to brush Levi's cheeks, and sucks in a breath. "That. That is... pretty damn good." Erwin rocks his weight forward, dragging his cock up and down along Levi's leg. "No complaints here."
With his hand so close to Levi's face, it's an easy movement to shift it downwards, to toy with the buttons on Levi's shirt. "Can I take this off you?"
Spoiler: he can't, not with only one hand, so he'll appreciate help getting it off.
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"Good," he mumbles, exhaling as Erwin ruts against him again. His other hand has found a purchase in the man's shirt somewhere along his ribs, and encourages more movement.
And then: "...yeah." But he can't easily at all with as tucked in as he is, so with one last little kiss, almost playful, Levi shifts to press his palm against Erwin's chest, fingers splaying over his heart, and pushes him to one side, then finally onto his back. He follows a moment after throwing one leg over to straddle Erwin's hips, settling more on his thighs than directly over his cock, but still within reach.
For a moment, he just peers down at Erwin through dark lashes, enjoying a more somewhat tousled look on him, before he starts to undo the buttons on his own shirt. There's nothing particularly sensual or sexy about the action - just the normal, efficient movements of undressing himself, eyes occasionally flickering to Erwin's.
I have zero icons of him looking up, haha
When Levi plants himself on Erwin's lap, Erwin's hand immediately goes to Levi's thigh, caressing along the muscle there. Levi isn't big the same way Erwin is, but his muscles feel like iron cords under his skin, and Erwin is going to shamelessly appreciate them. He's also going to watch Levi take his shirt off, and while Levi isn't trying to be sexy, it's one of the best shows Erwin's ever seen. All this is glaringly apparent in the way Erwin is smiling, his eyes bright and attentive, watching the show.
"I'd do the same for you, but..." But yeah, only one hand, and given the choice between using it to grope Levi's thigh or taking his shirt off, Erwin is going to choose the thigh every time. At least, he'll choose the thigh until Levi's shirt is open, at which point he's going to move his hand up Levi's hip and to his abdomen. The ready supply of sugar and fats in this world has been settling on Erwin's midsection, but Levi still looks as trim and fit as he did in their own world.
huh what's that life like--
As Erwin's broad hand moves up from his thigh to his stomach, skin to skin, Levi leans slightly into the touch, eyes heavily lidded as he takes a full, slow breath. It's become very obvious in the past several weeks that he actually quite likes being touched - or rather, being touched by Erwin. So far, he's never felt incidentally aroused, but they've never deliberately explored like this, either. Honestly, he doesn't really know what will happen. He's never...tried to make his body interested, so it could go either way, really. It doesn't matter though - as far as he's concerned, Erwin is the main course right now.
He shrugs out of the shirt, rolling his shoulders and tugging the garment off his wrists before searching for a place to put it. It gets chucked into a nearby chair, and then his hands begin to work unhurriedly at Erwin's buttons in turn.
"I can fix that."
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"Thank you." With Levi working on his shirt for him, Erwin's hand is free to keep roaming, to keep exploring. He traces his fingertips along Levi's rib, over the scars left behind by years of using the ODM gear. He avoids Levi's back, since that seems to make him sleepy, and that's the opposite of what Erwin wants today. He wants Levi to enjoy this too; it's no fun if it's all about Erwin alone.
With that thought in mind, Erwin's hand drifts to Levi's crotch, and rubs gently between his legs.
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Erwin's fingertips feel good against his skin, leaving tingling trails in their wake as they explore. But when his hand moves lower before Levi's even finished with the buttons on his shirt (and thus interrupting his progress), he flicks Erwin a faintly exasperated glare.
"Impatient, aren't you?" he mutters, gently pushing him away, redirecting the hand to his waist so he can finish with the last few fastenings unimpeded. It seems he isn't quite ready for that, yet.
Shirt finally finished, Levi slips his hands under the edges of the fabric, pressing palms and fingertips to heated skin. They've seen one another before more than once, but deliberately touching like this has happened comparatively little. He explores the planes of Erwin's stomach, softer now than when he first arrived, and Levi thinks that's OK - there's plenty of strength in him yet, and he probably eats and sleeps better than he has in years. Good.
His fingers find scars, tracing around their edges, sliding over a nipple and tracing to his heart. Here he pauses, left hand splayed wide as though he can feel Erwin's heart beating blood through his veins. Alive, strong, healthy. The gold band on his finger is warmed by the heat of their skin, glinting in the lamplight. In that moment it all feels so fucking surreal again, an impossible dream that he would inevitably wake up from like that vision in the Labyrinth. Perhaps that's why he struggles to believe it at times, because they've tried to bring that dream into this reality, such as it is, and for the most part, it's working. All they have here is time, and in the end, that's all he'd asked for.
But surely, it's too good to be true. It always is, because he can never hold onto anything or anyone. He can't protect anyone except himself, and they'll all slip through his fingers one by one until--
No. Not now.
He's careful not to show any of his thoughts on his face, because Erwin can read him too fucking well sometimes, and Levi doesn't want either of them to be distracted by the intrusive thoughts that invade his mind nearly every day.
Instead he shifts back a little further on his lap, retrieving his hand with his own to raise it to his lips and press a soft kiss to his knuckles. Then, a gentle tug.
"Sit up." Time to lose the rest of the shirt, sir.
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Erwin goes still when Levi presses his hand over his heart, looking up at him carefully. He has a pretty good idea of what's going through Levi's head, now and every time he gets distracted by the beating of Erwin's heart. It happens often enough, even when Levi thinks he's being slick, that Erwin has figured out Levi is placing a tremendous amount of importance on Erwin's heart and its ability to keep beating. He'd only do that if he was afraid of it stopping.
It won't stop here, Erwin is sure. He's making friends here, and avoiding the more obvious dangers wherever and whenever he can. He hasn't seen a titan in months, and that has been more refreshing than he'd ever imagined. But if they ever go back home...
No. No, not right now. Save that for later.
When Levi kisses his hand, Erwin flips it around to cradle Levi's cheek. Then he sits up, the muscles of his abdomen still strong under the thin layer of fat he's packed on in this place. He sits up and immediately goes for a kiss, trying to coax Levi towards him with the hand on his face.
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Had we but world and time enough
They have both. It isn't the world they know, but it's enough, and every day is likely more time than they'll ever have, which so often both feels like more than and never enough. But in this moment, it is.
Levi takes his time with the kiss, lets everything outside this room fall away as his hands press to Erwin's skin again, memorizing the sensation of his warmth and solidity. Sightlessly he retraces some paths he'd found before, palms shifting a little wider now to push fabric out of the way. But as his left hand comes up to Erwin's right shoulder, he pauses, waiting to see if Erwin will stop him and take over. If not, he'll continue, sliding the shirt and empty sleeve away to let it fall behind that broad back. The other hand will do the same, leaving the garment to hang from the crook of Erwin's elbow until he's ready to finish the rest.
All the while, Levi never stops kissing him. Soft, lingering meetings of lips, each like a little, unspoken promise. Only here. Only now. Only this.
Finished with his task, he shifts closer, neatly slotting their hips together. It's not possible to tell if there's any signs of physical interest in him just yet, but he settles his left hand at the side of Erwin's neck, fingertips sliding against the tingly softness of his undercut. Levi finally tears himself away from Erwin's lips long enough to trail his own up towards his ear and mutter lowly:
"Tell me a poem, Erwin."
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Levi slides onto his lap and Erwin groans softly against his lips; Levi is putting pressure on his cock again and the weight is immense and teasing. He keeps his own hips still, though; Levi wants to lead the charge today, and Erwin is letting him. He's doing wonderfully so far--the man has a real knack for edging, it turns out--and Erwin is going to see where this all leads.
He laughs when Levi asks for a poem, breathy and disbelieving, and slides his hand from Levi's cheek to behind his head. Erwin moves so that his mouth is beside Levi's ear, and whispers into it.
"Coming together
it is easier to work
after our bodies
meet
paper and pen
neither care nor profit
whether we write or not
but as your body moves
under my hands
charged and waiting
we cut the leash
you create me against your thighs
hilly with images
moving through our word countries
my body
writes into your flesh
the poem
you make of me.
Touching you I catch midnight
as moon fires set in my throat
I love your flesh into blossom
I made you
and take you made
into me."
It's a new poem he read here, and memorised immediately. He hopes Levi likes it.
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They're pressed so close now, chest to chest, heart to heart, and as Erwin holds him with just one arm, Levi could almost swear he can feel the other curling around his back, enveloping him in their whole embrace. He has never known a place safer or more peaceful than this.
Although perhaps a bit less peaceful now, as everything together seems to set his senses alight in a way he's never experienced before, had only had a faint inkling of in the kitchen earlier when Erwin had set lips to his throat. Heat seems to ripple into his veins like fire catching kindling, and as Erwin finishes the poem Levi exhales a low, shuddering breath. Moon fires in his throat indeed.
I made you, he'd said, and Levi feels his heart answer: you did. This is the man who had taken him out of the darkness and gave him sunlight. This is the man who had looked at him and had seen more than a gutter rat and a criminal and given him real purpose, who could envision a future Levi couldn't even begin to comprehend but could do nothing but be compelled to follow. This is the man who gave him a place and acceptance and, unfathomably, love.
His breaths come a little heavier now, thighs flexing as he seems to try to press even closer, molding himself against Erwin as though he could be taken made into him that way. Cheek to cheek, he turns his head just enough to make sure his lips are at Erwin's ear in in response.
"Not bad," he breathes, his voice rougher than before, "husband."
Hot kisses follow, trailing along Erwin's jaw back to his lips. Levi's not any more hurried than before, but there's a distinct increase in pressure and heat that's never been previously present.
It's probably safe to say that he liked it.
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No, actually, that's fine. Erwin's got a lot more where that came from.
He laughs softly at Levi's reaction, but his breath hitches when Levi calls him husband. Erwin has been tossing that word around left and right, using it whenever he can, but this might be the first time he's heard Levi use it. It sounds different when it comes from Levi, more weighted with connotation and meaning. It sends little ripples of heat up and down Erwin's spine, and his hand shifts from Levi's face to the small of his back (only pausing to shake his shirt off and let it fall aside), pressing him against Erwin's chest.
"Had we but world enough, and time,
Loving you, my husband, would be no crime..."
There's no need to recite the rest of it. Erwin knows Levi will understand what he means.
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Those words curl around his heart, the only things containing it, and Levi just sinks into Erwin, arms looping around his neck and toes curling at the heated press of skin to skin. A soft noise looses from the back of his throat, as he just kisses him thoroughly, hunger slowly building with each one.
He can still feel Erwin's need beneath him - Levi certainly hasn't forgotten about that, even if he still hasn't quite decided on a strategy yet. But after a few moments, he starts to shift and slowly roll his hips against that hardness, bracing himself on Erwins shoulders for a little leverage.
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Which manages to go up an octave or so when Levi starts rolling his hips forward, pressing against him. Erwin can't help the breathy little yelp that escapes, a sound decidedly less sexy than his poetry recitation. He's still very eager and very turned on, and getting that direct pressure is like a cool drink on a hot day. His hand falls to Levi's thigh and grips, holding there so he doesn't try to yank Levi up against him again.
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He moves, slow, deliberate, leaving butterfly kisses on Erwin's throat, pressing his lips over a scar and feeling the pulse there. From then until now, he has followed him, in search of a future that only Erwin seemed to be able to see. Neither of them could have foreseen that they would land here, or any place like it. Perhaps they wouldn't have guessed, wouldn't have dared to imagine they would end up here, like this. Only in their most-secret hearts, and even then...
His hands slide over heated skin, smoothing over Erwin's broader chest, around the curve of shoulders. The fingertips of his left hand skim just above the jagged edges of Erwin's right arm, his gaze distracted with more kisses and grazes of teeth. Levi isn't entirely sure what is welcome when it comes to the injury, so he skips past it and back to his chest, exploring and tracing downward.
After a few moments, if Erwin doesn't resume his own touches, Levi will pull back, concerned, and a little confused.
"What's wrong?"
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Erwin laughs a little when Levi pulls back and shakes his head. "You're doing too well." He leans back in, nudging Levi gently with his nose and kissing him at the corner of his mouth. "You keep grinding on me like that and this is going to be over fast."
Is Erwin enjoying being edged? Yes, maybe
a littleA LOTdefinitely. He's trying to keep things in his pants and go at Levi's pace, but it's getting progressively more challenging.no subject
"...oh," he says, perhaps a little awkwardly, shifting back. He feels a little at a standstill. Wasn't that kind of the point?
Levi thinks a moment, hands splayed wide on Erwin's chest, just settled there. The bruises from the maneuver gear have long faded from his body, though some permanent marks and roughened skin remain. He traces one such spot idly with the pad of one finger, back and forth, and finally seems to come to a decision as his gaze travels back up to Erwin's.
"Lie back." And he accompanies the words with a little push to Erwin's chest.
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Is he too hung up on dicks? Yeah, probably. Erwin learned about sex in a certain way, and the fact that Levi hasn't responded to him in the way he expects is baffling. He doesn't want this all to be for his benefit only!
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"What makes you think I'm not?"
The man he's followed for years now, as bright and beautiful as the sun is half undressed on the bed before him, his lips are swelled softly with kisses and his hair lightly mussed already. Erwin has given him so much already - a purpose beyond mere survival, a place at his side, bathed in light. He built him up, gave him wings and let him be surrounded by people who didn't see him as just a violent gutter rat. He's lost an arm, risked his own life for the whole of the Survey Corps and will probably turn the world completely on its head one day.
And after all of that, Erwin gave Levi the remaining pieces of himself, to cherish and carry, and to allow at least some part of him to be loved.
Which is so much more than just dicks, even when it comes to sex, as far as he's concerned.
He slides his palms down over Erwin's chest, then up again, tracing, feeling the rise and fall of his breath. His thumbs circle slowly over dark nipples, teasing briefly before continuing upward again, where he cups his palms to Erwin's face, leans up to take over the whole of his vision, and kisses him.
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Levi sees sunshine where Erwin sees a monster, and that's not something likely to change.
Erwin still doesn't quite understand what Levi is getting out of this, but he's not willing to argue. He simply looks up at him, eyes wide and vaguely confused, but he nods. All right, Levi; he trusts you. If you say you're getting something out of this, Erwin will believe you.
Erwin lifts his head a little to watch Levi's hands on his chest. He hisses in a sharp breath when Levi touches his nipples; he'd never thought about them as being sensitive before, but that's another mystery solved today. As it turns out, they are, and tighten to attention under Levi's fingertips.
When Levi goes in for a kiss, Erwin meets him gladly, his cheeks flushing faintly under the intimacy of both Levi's hands on his face. His hand moves from Levi's thigh to the small of his back, pressing him in against Erwin's abdomen, and damn if it doesn't feel like Erwin's ghostly right arm is moving again to join its partner in holding Levi.
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Their bond didn't spring inexplicably from nowhere.
The kiss is slow, but heated. He strokes thumbs over Erwin's cheekbones, delves deeply into his mouth with tongue and teeth, as though he could fill him up with all that he means to him from between his lips. The hand on his back is wide and warm, and Levi allows himself to be pressed close, making a soft noise at the back of his throat to encourage more touches to his skin.
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The kiss and Levi's hands on his face has Erwin's head swimming. He's never been kissed with such intent, with such purpose, before, and he's the one that's forced to break it. He has to come up for air, and he laughs, breathless and a little giddy.
"And here I thought I'd be the one teaching you." Turns out that Levi's very astute physical instincts apply here as well!
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It isn't all that complicated to figure out, really, is it? Even if he doesn't end up taking it up the ass (definitely not something he's prepared to do right now anyway, for a dozen different reasons) or even letting Erwin get him off, there's still many more options to be had.
And if there's one thing that Levi has learned in these last few months, it's how Erwin likes to be kissed. He's not starting from scratch like some kind of sheltered, clueless virgin.
His hands slide down to just rest on Erwin's chest as he sits back, brows drawn and feeling a little self-conscious.
"Why, what were you expecting?"
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Erwin tilts his head when Levi sits up. How is it that it's Erwin who keeps making stupid mistakes today and putting his foot in his mouth? Perhaps this whole interaction has been evidence of how, while he's no virgin, Erwin has also never been in a relationship. This navigating of emotions is still new to him, and his usual silver tongue speaking skills have abandoned him.
"I thought I'd be the one leading things." His hand slides to Levi's hip and gently caresses there. "I should have known better. Whatever you try, you excel at it. I don't know why I thought this would be different."
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At first, he's not really sure what it is. The frown already half-set into his brow deepens, gray gaze shifting away. Sure, many physical skills come easy to him, like an intuition that extends throughout the whole of his body. But the implication that he would of course be naturally good at sex has him shifting awkwardly.
Perhaps he inherited some of her skills.
The memory tightens his chest briefly, but Levi attempts to dismiss it with an impatient huff. Of course he knows (he knows) that Erwin hadn't meant anything like that.
"You could be leading," he intones dryly, shifting his focus back to Erwin. "Seems like you got confused when I didn't want you touching my dick right away, though. What's the matter, can't figure out how else to have fun?"
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Later, Erwin will realise how his words could have been misconstrued, and he'll be kicking himself. A fancy new soap is going to appear in their bathroom in a couple of days, as a mute apology.
For now, though, all he hears is Levi saying you could be leading. Suddenly, Erwin is sitting up in one fluid motion, his arm going around Levi's waist and clamping down. In the same movement, Erwin uses his legs to push up from the mattress and roll. He's on top now, with his elbow braced on the bed near Levi's head, filling his vision and with his weight pressing down on Levi's legs.
"I've got some ideas." The first of which involves dropping his head to kiss along the column of Levi's throat.
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He'll never know.
But wherever that heightened intuition came from, Levi feels it prickle just before Erwin moves suddenly and rolls them both over. He tenses, managing to fight off the instinct to dodge the grab of the arm around his waist because it's Erwin and there's no killing intent behind any of it. It still sends a jolt through his body, his pulse spiking, although from adrenaline or from arousal, it's impossible to say.
And for a few of those rapid heartbeats, Levi stares up at him in a quiet anticipation, back pressed to the soft mattress, legs pinned beneath Erwin's heavier weight. His hands are still flat against that broad chest, though not pushing away. Briefly, he wets his lips, mouth suddenly dry, waiting-
...and then warm lips are against his neck again, sending tendrils of pleasure all throughout his veins. A shuddering breath breaks free when Erwin's mouth passes over his pulse, fingertips pressing against warm skin before one hand finds its way into soft blonde hair, and his chin tilts upward in implicit permission for more. Dark eyelashes flutter against pale cheeks.
"Good-..." he manages, voice rough. Such a simple thing, yet it seems to be having quite the effect. "...about time."
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He lifts his head just a little, his mouth still close to Levi's skin, just above one of the pulse points in his neck. "Can you put the pillows under my right shoulder, please?"
Being on top when you only have one arm to support yourself is difficult, and the pillows will help Erwin keep his balance.
Meanwhile, he turns his attention back to Levi's throat, trailing long, soft kisses down the length of it. When he gets to the base of Levi's neck, where it joins his shoulder, the kisses get harder, more insistent. Erwin isn't biting, but odds are Levi is going to have some bruises there come tomorrow morning.
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He breathes, and manages to shift and grope around enough to get the extra pillows stacked for Erwin to rest against, feeling perhaps a little guilty in an odd way that he's in an uncomfortable position - but it was Erwin who had brought them here, so Levi isn't going to fuss about it. The man could just fully collapse on him, for all he cares right now.
One palm rests at the back of Erwin's neck, fingers absently swathing through the short fuzz of his undercut, the sensation sweet and grounding even as his mouth continues along his throat. Levi shivers hard, a stifled groan eliciting from the back of this throat when those kisses turn into something harder. If Erwin does try to set teeth into skin, he'll flinch and try to push him back with a hiss of not that. But otherwise, a flush is creeping over pale skin once again, his breath coming in slower, heavier pants.
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Erwin pays close attention to every sound Levi makes, every motion of his hand on the back of Erwin's head. He doesn't use his teeth on him, but his lips press harder, more insistent, as he works his way back and forth across Levi's collarbones. As he does, Erwin shifts his legs, moving them so they're not completely pinning Levi's any longer. Then, using his knee, he tries to nudge one of Levi's legs up, into a bent knee position, between Erwin's legs.
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Levi exhales, gray eyes slipping closed just to concentrate on the sensations, of the feel of the man beneath his fingertips that alights little fires on his skin.
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He can't help it, he's just drawn that way.Erwin is more than happy to come up for air whenever Levi nudges him, turning the tide of his attack on Levi's collarbones to his lips, and then trailing it down his neck again after a few slow, drawn-out kisses. Is he rutting his erection shamelessly up against Levi's thigh while he does so? He absolutely is! Edging is fun and all but if this goes on too much longer, he's going to explode.
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Maybe they made this too complicated - maybe he should have just gone for it right there in the kitchen and shoved his hand in his pants and helped him along. But he'd been too - unsure.
Slowly, one hand leaves off to snake between them, attempts to catch Erwin as he ruts against his thigh, rubbing him with his palm for a few strokes (fuck he's thick and hard, and it's gotta be uncomfortable with something like this still trapped?) before popping the button of his pants.
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Erwin leans his hips back when he feels Levi move his hand between them, and he groans against Levi's lips when he first touches him and then pops the button of his fly. His cock pushes out of the gap in his pants, aided by both gravity and Erwin pushing his hips forward, and he shoves it into Levi's hand. They're only separated by the thin fabric layer of Erwin's underwear now, and Erwin drops his head down to rest on the pillow next to Levi's ear. He's panting through his mouth, his entire body trembling and keyed up, and his hand clenches into a fist against the mattress.
"Levi, please..."
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He scrapes nails lightly at the soft fuzz of hair at the back of Erwin's neck, nuzzles against his cheek and loses a sharp exhale when Erwin pleads and says his name like that. The sound seems to tingle all down his spine, making him shiver and something stir low in his own belly. He can feel some arousal happening, but it's easy enough to ignore in favor of Erwin pushing his barely covered cock into his hand. It's not the best angle for it, especially given the size difference between them, Levi can really only barely reach him.
"Come here," he instructs gently, voice coming out a little rougher than he expects, and guides Erwin a little closer. He'll have to arch his back to shift forward. It'd be more comfortable for them both on his back, but truthfully, Levi gets the impression that it won't take much.
After a bit, Erwin is close enough that Levi can rub his palm along his length, feel the shape of him just beneath the fabric. He swears under his breath, licks his lips, feeling his heart beating heavily. And then he slides his hand past cloth to find heated, silky skin. A thick dampness greets his palm as precome smears against his hand. It should be disgusting, but instead it's just stupidly hot, to feel physical proof of just how far gone Erwin is already.
"Fuck Erwin-" his voice is hoarse as he rubs his palm slowly along every inch he can reach, carefully wraps his fingers around thickness of him and feels a very distinct twinge between his own legs.
Levi gives a few inexperienced, but experimental tugs, careful not to be too rough.
"C'mon...Commander..."
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Erwin grunts softly and squirms upwards at Levi's instructions. Levi could tell him to do almost anything right now, and Erwin would obey without question. It's not often that he gets to let go like this, to let someone else take the reins and guide him; it's so hard for him to cede control. There needs to be a deep trust built up for him to even consider it. With Levi, like this, it comes naturally, without Erwin even thinking about it.
He pants, open-mouthed, into Levi's ear as Levi swears quietly and then gets his hand inside Erwin's pants. The feel of his hand on him has Erwin shuddering, his entire body gone tight and aching with need, and it's a physical battle to not explode immediately.
Then Levi starts urging him onward, and Erwin is rendered helpless, all his resistances crumbling like sandcastles built along the shore.
"Levi, I'm... I'm..."
That's all the warning Levi is going to get, before Erwin is shivering helplessly and coming into his hand.
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A strange feeling seems to come over him, a tingling in his limbs and fingers and toes, almost as though he'd been the one who'd orgasmed. Levi turns his face to press into Erwin's cheek, breathing, holding, taking in the scent and the feeling of...everything, in this moment. He leaves a kiss at the corner of his lips, on his cheek, his jaw, his brow, his nose, and finally seeks his lips. When his mind catches up, he'll be sure to get Erwin to collapse not directly on top of him so as not to cement them together with the mess rapidly cooling on his skin. The more time passes, the more he becomes aware of it on his stomach, chest, between his fingers.
"Hey," he mumbles softly, bumping their noses together. "Still with me?"
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Slowly, the world is creeping back in. The aftershocks of his orgasm are dying away, and Erwin focuses his eyes down the length of his nose so he can see Levi.
"Yes." His breath comes out in a rumbling sigh. "Still with you. Always."
With that, Erwin slowly crumples over onto his right side, landing next to Levi on the bed. Even as content and empty-headed as he is right now, he knows Levi wouldn't want him falling on him and spreading his come around.
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Of course, always.
He tries to make that collapse a little easier, guiding him down and shuffling pillows around so as not to put too much pressure on the stump. Eventually, one-handed himself (because he can't touch anything until he's clean, and that needs to be soon, holding the soiled hand a little away form himself and focusing on Erwin more than the voice in his head telling him to scrub), he gets Erwin situated more comfortably. Sitting beside him, he drops a soft kiss to the top of his head, brushing blonde hair away from his face with his clean hand.
"Feel better?" Levi asks quietly, looking down at him. He...looks better. Relaxed, in a very different way than he has previously.
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Erwin makes a long, affirmative humming noise in response to Levi's question before looking up at him with hazy, blissed out eyes. "Yes." He presses another kiss to Levi's hand before releasing him. "Go get cleaned up, then come back?"
Levi did the dirty work today and got splattered, and Erwin knows that must be bothering him. Hopefully his washing won't take long and he can come back and cuddle for awhile afterwards, before Erwin falls asleep.
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Something almost like a smile flickers on his face before he leans in and drops a soft, grateful kiss to Erwin's forehead.
"Okay..." Another follows for good measure, as he mumbles into blonde hair. "Thanks." He doesn't need permission to go, but it's everything just to have that understanding even so.
He slips away, glancing back at Erwin once with an unreadable expression and a funny feeling in his chest, and goes to wash. He'd prefer a shower, but even with his expedited routine, he doesn't want to keep Erwin waiting too long. So he just scrubs thoroughly at all of his skin, strips his remaining clothing to wash and pulls on something more comfortable - one of Erwin's shirts, in fact, buttoned only halfway.
Eventually, Levi returns to Erwin - his Commander, his lover, his husband - bringing a warm damp cloth in case there's anything he missed, and offers it as he settles next to him on the bed, half propped with pillows against the headboard.
"Hey..."
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"Hi." Levi, what are you doing leaning against the headboard? Erwin reaches for him, with the clear intent to pull him down and against his chest.
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So fine, he sets it off to the side with their shirts - he can wash everything later - and lets Erwin tug him down. He'd had more intention to wait until Erwin fell asleep and then go about his night until he is actually ready for bed...
...but no, this is nice, especially because it's become no secret between them that he loves to bury his face in Erwin's chest. Which he does now, happily, and holds him close.
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Erwin makes a soft, happy purring sound when Levi joins him, and he wraps his arm tight around Levi's shoulders. He's well aware that Levi will probably get up and do other things for awhile, but Erwin appreciates him sticking around as he drifts off. This time, Levi shouldn't be too inconvenienced; Erwin can already feel sleep tugging him down.
"Should do that again sometime." He plants a kiss on the top of Levi's head.
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audio.
audio.
Why are you asking?
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Are you having fun on Sleepr?
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[Look at this guy, using the lingo and sending links! Mr. Technology over here!]
[Boop!]
This is Lieutenant Tayrey. She knows both Levi and I, and has been very patient answering my questions. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you as well.
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( They pause. )
This brings up ... a question. I'm not sure how much you could know about our home after being brought here, but ... Maybe I should fill you and Levi in. It'd feel wrong of me to not tell you first and to then go ahead and fill in the friends you've made here, you know?
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[Yes, that is a serious topic which they should go over, as much as Erwin is both dreading and looking forward to it. Erwin's voice is somber when he answers.]
Yes, we should. I've pieced together certain details already, but it would be good to hear it from someone who experienced it. I know I would appreciate it.
Levi might be... more resistant. And it might be easier if the two of you had this conversation alone.
action - the day after the Fallout(tm)
Jean is beside her as they approach the commander's door, and Mikasa's face is set in a straight line: she's hiding behind her usual deadpan irritation, tucking it away for later. Hopefully, Erwin doesn't do anything to inspire any more rage inside of her because she's not sure if she would be able to cope with that.
She doesn't look at Jean as she lifts her hand to knock on the door, just in case her attention wavers. She also hopes that Levi doesn't answer: that will be awkward for him more than her. ]
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Jean would like to hold her hand or put his hand on her back, but he recognizes the straight line of her back and knows better than to. Instead he has a similar expression on his face, trying for neutral. He's still bad with masking his eyes, though, and there's clearly anger and grief in them.
He folds his arms and waits after she knocks, not saying anything. ]
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[He's also done some subtle preparations of his own. When he answers the door, he's dressed all in white, the way they would remember him from their early days in the Survey Corps. He's also chosen to roll up the sleeves on his shirt, putting his metal, robotic right arm and hand on display. The straps keeping the arm on show through his white shirt, looking eerily reminiscent of the ODM gear straps.]
[He doesn't speak immediately; no one is getting the typical warm welcome Erwin usually delivers today. Instead, he looks from Mikasa to Jean and then back again. When he speaks, his voice is solemn and distant. It's not quite the Commander Voice--not yet--but the potential for it is definitely there.]
I certainly hope you two never play cards for money.
[Not a poker face among them. He holds open the door with his left arm and gestures them inside with the metal hand.]
Come in. We have things to discuss.
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He’s certainly doing nothing to inspire that dedication here.
It’s really only Jean at her side that stops her from lashing out, and she looks Erwin in the eye without a hint of hesitation; her anger bristles through her like a lightning storm. The last time she was at this house she’d still trusted the inhabitants of it, and now her emotions are at war about it all. It’s her respect for Levi that helps soothe some of her irritation, and she nods her head once, sharply, as she steps inside.
She hovers a few steps in, waiting for Jean to join her, her crutch at the moment - and she’ll have to figure out some way to thank him later. ]
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Still, there's a flicker of something in his eyes - the childlike reaction to an elders disappointment - as he looks at Erwin, before he follows Mikasa into the house. When she briefly hovers, Jean keeps walking, trusting her to follow in his wake. He's headed for the table because he'll be damned if he has this conversation standing.
The arm is also new - it's the first time he's seeing it. ]
Appreciate you being willing to talk to us.
[ Because, well, he could have chosen not to. Jean sits down in a chair, waiting for the other two. ]
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[Erwin follows Jean to the table and sits down. The table is bare; if this is going to devolve into childishness, Erwin would prefer that there's nothing easily on hand to throw. He rests his elbows on it and tents his hands.]
Go ahead. It's clear you have thoughts and opinions you'd like to share.
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He glances to Mikasa, and when he gets whatever silent go-ahead he was looking for from her, he looks back to Erwin. ]
We'd like to hear your reasons for telling Eren about the future. We had planned on telling him ourselves, over time, so he wouldn't learn it all at once.
[ Jean has acknowledged this for himself as a lie; for Mikasa, that had been her plan. Jean figured it was better to prove a united front, though. ]
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[ Mikasa’s voice is cold, her expression still stuck in that angry, dark stare as she gazes at Erwin. Unlike Jean, she hasn’t sat down; she stands behind him more like a bodyguard than a friend, as if primed to rip Erwin to pieces if she has to.
She grips the back of his chair. ]
We just got here. We needed time to adjust ourselves and to see how Eren was. There was no benefit in telling him anything when all it would do is hurt him, and it wasn’t your place. You weren’t there, so you had no right.
[ Her eyes narrow a little. ]
I was telling him things. Sharing things. When it was the right time, and not because you decided you knew best when you didn’t.
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And he wasn't asking you questions? He wasn't expressing frustration that you were keeping things from him?
[Maybe he wasn't, but Erwin finds that hard to believe. If Eren came to him, of all people, that probably means he'd exhausted all other avenues first.]
Where would that track have led, Mikasa? Would it have not been the right time if or when Eren tried to declare war on Vaeros, which he seemed to think I would gladly do with him? Would it not have been the right time if Eren regained his immense and dangerous powers and started using them against this world? Would it ever have been the right time to tell him your role, both of your roles, in his fate?
[He holds up his robotic hand.]
Which, if he has learned, it hasn't been from me. I'm not the doddering old fool you seem to think I am; I'm aware of the difference between information that hurts and information that destroys.
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Erwin is right, at least on Jean's end; every time Eren asked a direct question, Jean would refuse to answer or, at least, acknowledge he didn't want to talk about it yet. Eren was left in the dark to figure out what was going on.
His rant on the network, which is still in full view of many people, that same day Erwin told him, also lingers in his mind. Even if Eren had insisted he didn't mean it, Jean knew that some part of him did.
A hand reaches up to rest over Mikasa's, briefly, before he lowers it. ]
No, he still doesn't know exactly who killed him. [ That's a reminder for Mikasa as well as confirmation for Erwin. ] Which I appreciate you keeping that way. It's her prerogative if she wants to tell him.
[ His expression is troubled, otherwise, about the information Erwin points out. Yeah, he's pretty bad at poker. ]
We weren't aware he'd decided he wanted to declare war on Vaeros until his conversation with you on the network. We hadn't had a chance to talk about how to address that.
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[ Mikasa is still so angry, a burning, simmering rage inside of her that wants to bubble free. Being overprotective of Eren is part of her, but it’s so much more here. It means so much more, with a second chance to show him how much she cares, to stand at his side. If anyone should understand that, it’s Erwin.
But he didn’t. And none of his arguments are helping to ease any of her hurt or her rage.]
I don’t think you’re a fool. I think you’re a dead man talking about things he wasn’t there for. You don’t know what you’re talking about, not when it comes to Eren, and this wasn’t your conversation to have with him. You knew we were here and could have directed him to Jean or me, and you didn’t. You decided you knew best, when you knew nothing at all.
[ She blinks, breathing in and out, closing her eyes for a moment. Who wouldn’t she fight for Eren? There’s no one in the world that could come between her and him, not even here, not even knowing what he does and what he becomes. She cannot abandon him, the bright flame of her love still alive in her heart. ]
You don’t get to play games with our lives any more.
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And would you have told him the truth, if I’d directed him to either of you? Or would you have let your own grief and horror dictate what he knows, until or if you reach the point where you’re comfortable talking about it? And meanwhile, potentially thrown this world into the same kind of chaos you left behind?
[His expression actually softens a little here, as does his voice.]
I have no interest in interfering with your lives here. Deal with your grief or don’t, it’s all the same to me. But what I will not do is sit idly by when this world is threatened. I will not make the same mistakes twice and let the good people here have their lives thrown into chaos based on a child’s idea of freedom.
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I think, [ He cuts in here, his voice steadier than his expression appears to be, ] that we all made decisions we thought were in our best interests, and unfortunately both of those decisions ended up hurting Eren, in ways we couldn't avoid.
[ He nods to Erwin first. Sorry he's going for you first, Commander, but he's trying to make a point. ]
It wasn't your right to tell him any of it, but you were keeping your home safe. He needed to know where his actions might lead him, especially if he gets his powers back at any point.
[ Then, he turns to Mikasa, his expression going softer and a little pleading. ]
And we have been through the end of the world. We wanted to wait, and we should have been able to. But we were hurting Eren by not answering his questions, and you know that's true. Maybe if we had a better plan, we could have avoided this. But it got to this point and something had to be done.
[ Adding, tiredly: ]
You saw what he said to me, Mikasa. Even if he swore he didn't mean it later.
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[ Mikasa looks down at Jean, pursing her lips before she looks away. ]
I was telling him things. Just because it wasn't everything at once doesn't mean I was keeping secrets. I don't really care what your justification is, Erwin, or why you thought it was your job to do it, but it wasn't.
[ And now she looks back at him, her expression tight, anger held back. ]
If anything happens to Eren because of this, I will blame you, and I will kill you. I'll do that for him, no matter what he does.
[ And, as far as she's concerned, she's made her point; she's turning her back on them both and heading to the front door, tugging her boots out and storming out. She's not going to waste her time on someone who isn't going to listen to her - at least in her view - when she could be making sure Eren is alright. ]
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Of course.
[His voice has gone light and cheery as she storms away.]
Because protecting him from the consequences of his actions worked out so well the last time, didn't it?
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[ Jean half turns in his seat, calling out to her. She doesn't hear him (or doesn't care) and keeps storming out the door. Jean's the one who's left to hear Erwin's truthful barb, and he turns to shoot him an irritated glare. ]
Cut that out.
[ But any anger (and hurt he feels at Mikasa leaving him here) sputters out fairly quickly, and he sits back, sinking lower in his chair, and covering his face.
From under his hands: ] This is such a mess.
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[He sits across the table and watches Jean for a few moments. He'll give the kid credit: he might be mad at Erwin too, but he came here with good intentions. He wasn't simply looking for a fight. And he's gathered some other valuable intel from this too.]
[When he speaks up, his voice is soft, almost mournful.]
She's never going to love anyone as much as she loves Eren. You can see that, can't you?
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He didn't, though. He tried to lick his wounds and not have to think about it for a while, and look where it got him. That's not a mistake he'll be making again.
He hears Erwin's words, his tone having gone soft, and Jean now feels the bite of tears in his eyes. He's not going to do this. He's not going to cry about this, not in front of Erwin, who probably has some ulterior motive for poking at this particular wound. ]
I know she won't.
[ That's the truth of how pathetic Jean Kirstein is: he knows neither Eren nor Mikasa will ever love him in the same, all-consuming inferno they love each other. He's contented himself with the heat from that blaze long enough that it's almost sweet. ]
Neither of them will ever love someone the way they love each other.
[ Which is his other pathetic admission; in spite of everything, he still loves Eren too. He finally sits up straight, and sighs, dropping his hands from his face. ]
Don't think you can try to use that against me. I'm not here to be your enemy, anyway. I have no intention of fighting you about Eren; what's done is done.
[ Adding, honestly, and looking at Erwin straight on: ]
I'm tired of fighting. I've done enough of it.
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[Erwin doesn't sound particularly surprised or shocked that Jean has made the accusation, though. Nor is he offended. It shows the kid has been paying attention, far better than his hotheaded girlfriend, and Erwin can respect that.]
[He fishes a handkerchief out of one of his pockets and tosses it across the table.]
In that, at least, we're in agreement. I told Eren what I did because I was trying to prevent another war from breaking out, not starting one. I don't bear you or any of the others any ill will.
[The faintest of smiles.]
Although I don't think the same can be said of Mikasa, when it comes to me. Not anymore, certainly.
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... He's not that skeptical of Erwin, though, to be fair. It just helps to know there's additional reasons. ]
I know. I figured that was why you told him before we even came over here to ask.
[ He takes the handkerchief but doesn't use it, despite the fact that now he knows the wetness in his eyes was noticed. Not so successful at holding those back, it seems. ]
She's pissed. She's not gonna get the chance to kill you, either.
[ Between Levi and the fact that while Mikasa might be a murderer like Jean, with countless Yeagerist Scouts on her hands, he's not going to let her stain her hands with Erwin's blood. ]
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I'm not worried about that in the slightest.
[Erwin shakes his head ruefully.]
That's not even the first death threat I've gotten from an Ackerman. I'm sure it'll work out fine.
[He's 2 for 2 with Not Getting Murdered by Ackermans. It'll work out.]
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[ He can perfectly see Levi threatening to kill Erwin, genuinely and with full intention. He's glad it worked out for them, at least, as those rings remind him when he sees them on him.
Erwin does seem happy, here. Jean raises his hand to rub at the headache he can feel forming. ]
Could I bother you for a glass of water?
[ At least it doesn't feel like he's messed things up too badly on his end. He'd rather have the, if not support, being on good terms with Erwin. ]
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Who do you think gave me this?
[Did he deliberately use his left hand to point at it? Why yes, yes he did.]
Of course. Or would you rather have some coffee or tea?
[Either way, Erwin is getting up. There's no point in getting angry and bringing unnecessary emotion into this whole debacle. That just leads to bad decisions and animosity, and Erwin would rather not have either on his hands.]
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[ All he can think is how arguably poetic. Mikasa has a scar from Eren on her face, after all. It's probably not the right comparison to draw.
He does absorb the new left arm finally, having noticed but unable to really parse it before. He clears his throat. ]
Nice arm. How new's that?
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[If Jean watches closely, he'll notice that Erwin's new arm seems to move slower and less fluidly than his regular one. He should also be able to hear very faint electrical crackling if the arm gets close.]
Only a few days old. The Doctor made it for me. He figured out a way for me to use my electricity to power it.
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[ Jean is watching closely, and notes that it moves slower and less fluidly - but it's still working at all, which is more than he would ever get back home. He blinks at Erwin talking about the electricity powering it. ]
That's actually really clever. Beats having to carry around a generator of some kind to make it move.
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[Erwin turns and holds the hand out in front of Jean, demonstrating how he can open and close the fingers on it.]
You would like him, I think. He's a fascinating man to talk to.
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[ He understands the concept of things like space, planets, terrestrial and celestial bodies. He understands, loosely, the concept of space travel. He was never very into it, however, so the look he's giving Erwin is equal parts skeptical and curious. ]
I mean, if he built you that, he's got to be brilliant. Is he Armin brilliant, or Hange brilliant, though?
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[It was a Rube Goldberg device.]
He's not the only space traveller, though. Have you met Lieutenant Tayrey yet?
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[ A machine that just goes ding? Oh no, it's some kind of weird combination of both the smart people he knows. ]
Haven't gone by yet, but I plan to later.
Gift Delivery!
Inside, there's a cook book that advertises itself as a mix of 'Gnomish' and human recipes. The Gnomish recipes ... might be a joke, seeing as they call for children's laughter and toadstools; the human side seems to be actual, real recipes. Jean has also commissioned a tiny replica of the Wings of Freedom, in pin form, that sits on top of the book.
There's also a sealed, wrapped bag with pain au chocolate inside it, made with dark chocolate; they look to be hand made.
There's also a little handwritten note from Jean. ]
Erwin -
If you figure out how to actually make the toadstool muffins, you'll have to share the recipe with me. Tell Levi happy birthday for me.
- Jean
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[There's a note tucked into the basket, written in the careful printing of Erwin's left hand.]
Jean,
The secret is to use mushrooms in place of eggs.
[That's not ominous in the slightest, Erwin, good job.]
gift delivery
A note accompanies it, written in Reiner's neat (Eldian) script. (It is the second note of its kind: the first one started with "Commander." He's trying!) ]
Erwin,
You strike me as a man who would enjoy this. If you already have a set, consider this a spare.
- Reiner
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I hope you'll indulge me in a game.
[Jesus Christ, Erwin, are you trying to be nice or auditioning for Jigsaw? This is a man who is still figuring out tone in text.]
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Of course. It's been a while since I've played.
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Likewise. You'll have to go easy on an old man.
[Like he hasn't been cheerfully running opening gambits in his head since he opened the package.]
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[ But thanks for the excuse when he (inevitably) loses! ]
Gift Delivery
I hope this is alright. I got everyone swords for Christmas because I figure they might be useful one day. I won't use mine recklessly - promise. Yours is custom made to fit your measurements. There's fruit and coffee too.
I'm sorry for everything.
Thank you for telling me the truth.
- Eren
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Thank you very much, Eren. Will I be seeing you later today for Levi's birthday?
A wise man once told me that the truth, however ugly it might be, is better than beautiful lies. I'm sorry our own truths are the way they are, but I would rather know them than live in ignorance. It takes a strong, brave man to face his destiny with his head held high; it takes an even stronger, braver one to try and change what he doesn't like about his future.
If you need any help in your journey, all you have to do is ask.
--Erwin
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[To know what he's done - the unthinkable, unfathomable weight of what he's done - and to still feel as though he's been forgiven...
[It's almost too much - every day, every day, it's almost too much.]
Thank you, sir.
I'll be there.
[...]
I heard Jean is helping set up. I'd like to also if you don't mind.
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[But there's no need to dump all that on the kid's shoulders. Eren has enough going on, and for now, Erwin is going to back Levi's play of getting Eren engaged and a part of their new world, and watch to see if those feral instincts towards freedom kick in again.]
Certainly. I can use all the help I can get. I warn you, it won't be glamorous. There's a small mountain of potatoes here that need to be peeled.
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That's okay. I wouldn't expect glamorous. Leave it to me.
Christmas Delivery
Attached is a card inside is delicate handwriting:]
MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. ERWIN!
I made the cookies myself with some help!
Hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
Again, Merry Christmas!
Love,
Alice Liddell
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text; sometime after Sleepr goes up
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A little of both, I'd imagine.
Perhaps they never had time to learn how to cook in their home worlds.
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But a lot of people just aren't interested. One straight up offered to pay me to make them dinner, but it also sounded like they wanted to eat people so that might be a trap.
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I'm not even going to ask who sounded cannibalistic.
[Tell him anyway.]
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[ Jean hasn't unlocked the Alex story yet. ]
Goes by CountryMouse on the phone, mentioned something about sucking out energy if they touched me. Haven't got a name yet.
[ A moment later. ]
Maybe I should just offer meals out of the kitchen.
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I haven't spoken to that person yet. I'll keep my eyes open.
I think that's an excellent idea, Jean. It sounds like you'd have plenty of customers.
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Maybe? I don't want to deal with people coming into the house, though. I don't want to run a whole shop on my own, either, and none of the other places wanted a cook.
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[Just casual talking points with Erwin Smith, nothing to see here!]
[There's a pause before he responds.]
How do you feel about baking, rather than making full meals?
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[ He can't even blame that one on Eren. Eren put him in that situation, but Jean still thought about it.
As for the second text: ]
I feel find about it. Why?
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Levi has been complaining for months now that there aren't any teahouses here that meet his standards. It seems to me that most of the coffee shops here also have baked goods.
Perhaps it's something we could all work on together.
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You want to open a teahouse?
[ That's mostly what he takes from what Erwin said, though. Of course Levi has exacting standards and Erwin would want to dabble in doing something like that. ]
I'd be interested. I just got hired at the bathhouse, but if I have to smile politely at people all day I'd rather do it somewhere you guys are.
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[No one is going to die over tea, unless someone is foolish enough to admit preferring coffee in front of Levi.]
I'll speak with Levi about it, then. I doubt he'll need much persuasion but it should be me doing the talking regardless.
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[ He's joking, though. No one here is going to die over tea, Erwin's right. ]
I'll leave it in your capable hands, but if you need any backup, let me know. I guess I'll check out the coffee shop to see the kinds of things they offer.
We should offer soup too, though. It's a good way to sell bread.
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[ERWIN NO]
Thank you. Let me know what you find; it's important to know what the competition is offering so you can fill a niche they haven't.
And yes, I agree. Perhaps some sandwiches as well? Perhaps it's just the cold weather getting to me, but a bowl of soup and a sandwich sounds very nice.
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That's the plan - either fill in the gaps, or figure out what I can definitely do better.
Soups and sandwiches are always a classic. Plus, you can make a lot of soup and have it feed plenty of people. The dining out options here aren't exactly the nicest, either, so cornering part of the savory side of things could work to your advantage.
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I agree. There aren't many options, which is why I've been learning how to cook since my arrival. If other people aren't willing to learn, perhaps we should give them options to part with their shards rather than learning themselves.
I've been working on stews since I got here, trying to recreate some of my mother's old recipes. So far, I haven't been able to get the spices quite right.
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[ Which is also something that lingers on Jean's mind - giving Eren reasons to connect to this place, a reason to not try and fistfight Vaeros or whatever harebrained scheme he keeps wanting to come up with.
That second statement, though... ]
If you'd ever like any help with that, let me know. I'm no spice expert but sometimes two heads are better than one.
[ He also thinks it might be a personal endeavor Erwin doesn't necessarily want help with. ]
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[Calling it now: Eren is the dishwasher.]
I would enjoy that. If nothing else, we can compare our mother's recipes, see if there are any regional differences?
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I'd like that. I'm guessing you didn't grow up within Wall Rose?
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I consider myself more from Sina than Rose, although I know those who grew up in Sina proper would take offence at that notion.
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[ He's an adult, he can admit his various failings. ]
For soup, that's a good thing to know, though - we would have had access to the same spices. Though maybe your mother had access to some interior exclusive stuff since you were so close to them.
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She did, but she was also a thrifty woman. She'd talk about the fancy interior spices with longing, and then get angry with my father when he bought some for her.
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[ JEAN YOU ARE NINETEEN. ]
Someone once gifted my mother some of the interior spices. I asked her if we were going to hold onto them for special meals, and she told me keeping them and never using them was a mistake a lot of people make with things like that.
But to tell you the truth I don't think I ever noticed a difference in how it tasted as a kid, haha.
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Likewise with my mother. She kept those spices in jars and never used them. I found the jars when she passed away and I was cleaning out her house.
The Survey Corps cooks were delighted to have them, and the stews were exceptional after the next few missions.
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[ Jean's also mature enough now to know sometimes there's an element of nostalgia you can't quite recreate. But it'll be a fun project to share with the Commander - with Erwin. With a man he knows the shape and forward face of but not too much else besides.
Something else crosses his mind when he spots them hanging up in the living room. ]
We have our ODM gear now, too. I have the new variant, if you ever wanted to check it out.
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[RECORD SCRATCH, subject change!]
I would. Very much, in fact. I know the Corps switched over to them, but I never saw them.
For obvious reasons.
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[ Jean knows how to set up the gear for both versions, though - the updated gear even has a version that just uses the hip housing. ]
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I wonder if it’s possible to make a hybrid, one that uses both hips and arms.
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You might have to get used to only using one blade, but the arm should help with your balance at the very least, and if all you need for the controller is to launch the grapples, we could wire up launch control to one controller... hm.
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[When you're a big, heavy dude like Erwin, your harnesses need to be custom-made. He also doesn't want to ask anyone else to do it, since the last time he talked about the harnesses he got accused of wearing fetish gear.]
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You'd probably do best to start with your model, though; it'll be more familiar.
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That's good advice: I'll make sure to request my own, personal gear, lest I get something I'm less familiar with.
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I have noticed Vaeros wants people to be pretty exacting in what they ask for, though. Don't want to get a different gear from some guy also named Erwin Smith.
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Now there's a horrifying thought. I don't think the world is ready for two of me.
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The world DEFINITELY isn't ready for more than one Eren Jaeger.
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What about two Levis?
[ He throws out Levi because he's thinking about the Jaegerists, and this conversation has been mostly lighthearted and he doesn't want to bring up that Eren has a bunch of little mini Jaegers. ]
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[ Though he does understand that in Survey Corps years, especially for Commanders, Erwin is positively ancient. ]
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And, respectfully, you're still very, very young.
Give yourself another twenty years and then tell me if you think your late thirties aren't that old.
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I'll let you go for now, though. I want to take a look at our gear, and then I need to get working on dinner.
text; sometime afterrrr the event? no pressure, i know you're busy!
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[ It unfortunately doesn't help Jean for the reasons he's asking, but now he's curious. ]
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Why do you ask?
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I want to help Dolph with his arm if something happened to it and he couldn't fix it. So I'm trying to find someone who knows about that kind of thing to teach me.
Figured you might know someone here, since you got that one.
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That's very kind of you.
I suggested he ask the Doctor, since the Doctor is who made my arm. Dolph is reluctant to let anyone tinker with it, though, as it's attached to his brain.
The Doctor might teach you a bit in his workshop, though, if you expressed interest.
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[ Maybe he can leverage Boyfriend Privilege eventually. He's not breathing a word of this to Dolph right now, though. Dolph's circuitry is beyond anything he's ever seen; he's well aware he's miles before the starting line to even look at it and understand what's going on, let alone work on it.
If he's going to commit to being here for the long haul, though, he's got time to invest in teaching himself about it. ]
This guy just goes by the Doctor? No last name or anything like that?
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Do you know Crowley? The Doctor looks like a slightly younger version of him. They could be twins, honestly.
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[ ooc : open logs will be posted on the 6th and 7th of July, where players can make their own toplevels and tag into others! 🥳 ]
action;
It's after nightfall when Levi returns to their cottage, the sky dark, but not yet so late in the evening. He'd excused himself from Finnick's company and walked home alone, needing the air and the space, hoping that his thoughts might slow once there was more room for them to spool out and unravel in relative solitude.
In a lot of ways, this is...new territory for him. Sure, when Hange was here, they had all piled together on multiple occasions; the two of them had been romantic, sharing kisses and comforts and dances in the kitchen. But that had all been there already for some time and had only needed a little uncovering. This is - different. Finnick is new to both of them, and maybe that is too much for comfort. Levi doesn't know Erwin to be a jealous man; surely their bond is stronger than that. The things that test it are each other, rather than any outside force...and Levi can't imagine Erwin doing anything that would make him need or want to detach from the man who gave him the sky and wings to fly through it.
The anxious, awful part of his mind can't help wondering if the reverse is true, though.
Attraction is such an alien thing to him, really. That it's happened at all and with someone completely new, and so quickly is both a little exciting and also confusing. The constantly vigilant, suspicious part of him that never fully goes away wonders if this is somehow a trick; Finnick is charming and intelligent and charismatic, as so many manipulators can be. But Levi has also been around enough people who have suffered grief and loss and trauma, and by now he can recognize that real vulnerability well enough to know when it is and isn't performance. Finnick has always felt real to him, to this point.
Until tonight, he hadn't even really realized what these feelings had been.
And now...
"Fuck," he mutters, and pushes open the door. The loafers come off, and Levi toes carefully into his slippers, glancing around to their cozy reading nook for his husband. No point in putting it off, after all.
"...Erwin?" Curious, calm, a touch apprehensive.
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It's fine. He's spent a calm, peaceful evening in the cottage, and when Levi returns, Erwin is settled on the couch, a book open in his lap and Burnt Rice snoozing beside him, fluffy white tummy turned towards the ceiling.
"Hello, Levi." He looks up from his book, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles. "The kettle is full, if you'd like some tea."
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"Thanks," he mumbles softly, and leans in to press a brief kiss to blonde hair, inhaling his scent briefly. The trepidation in his chest eases a little.
"Want any?"
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"No, thank you." He gestures to the end table, where a cup is still gently steaming. "The water should still be hot enough for one of your milder blends, if you hurry."
Burnt Rice opens one eye and stretches, patting her front paws on Levi's leg before curling into a ball with a sleepy prrroaw.
holy repetitive word repeats in my last tag batman
Levi does evict the cat with a little nudge on her butt to make space for himself next to Erwin, and settles in close. His clothes smell a little of campfire, something that always pulls up certain memories; earlier years in the Corps, sitting around a fire with his first squad.
He sips at his tea, looking over his shoulder nosily at Erwin's book.
"What've you got this time?"
I didn't even notice until you pointed it out, haha
"Nothing terribly interesting. It's about cat psychology and how to care for them." He sets it aside and leans in, breathing in the scent of campfire off Levi's clothes. "How was the festival?"
WEEPS should stop pointing out my flaws to people
Levi has taken to changing pillowcases right before bed as a result, so frost away, you fluffy butt.
It really is a little wondrous, how perfectly they fit together, always. He nestles into the curve of Erwin's side, the embrace further calming some of his nerves until the question makes them spike a little again. At first Levi just hums, trying to buy himself a little more time, and closes his eyes. He still hasn't thought of a good way to say...any of it.
"It was nice, actually. Beautiful, seeing all the lanterns in the sky. It felt...peaceful." Even if the lantern Finnick eventually sent up wished for the painful and degrading death of a man who had inflicted so much cruelty and pain upon the people of his world, it was a deserved catharsis.
His shoulders tense a little without him realizing, and Levi takes a little breath...swallows. Licks his lips. He feels a little ridiculous.
"I-...saw Finnick there."
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Erwin listens to Levi's description, and nods. It does sound peaceful, and heaven knows they could all use a little peace these days. He perks up a little at the mention of Finnick.
"Did you? How's he doing?" Erwin isn't as friendly with Finnick as Levi, but he likes the young man.
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"...well if she did, she'd stay off the places I tell her to." Sounds true to him! But at the same time, she definitely does seem to sass at him quite a lot. Maybe "listen" has a few different meanings, here.
Levi flicks a few more pages, distractedly. The back of his neck itches a bit with a rising heat. Since bringing Finnick on to help with the shop, they've been spending a few hours a day together quite regularly, with Levi teaching him generally about tea and how he wants things to be done, at least at first. It's possible Erwin has observed something between them, or at least some signs on Levi's end that may have indicated a deeper interest in someone than usual; slightly longer, lingering glances, a little bit of a tilt toward the the younger blonde when he speaks or is showing him something new. Perhaps most importantly, he's much more noticeably relaxed around Finnick than most other people, including ones they've known for some time already, here.
But there's definitely a sense of nerves now, absently running his fingers over the sides of the book, feeling the sensation of the pages pressed together.
"...good." What next? He feels fucking ridiculous, wonders if he waits long enough and thinks we kissed hard enough Erwin would just be able to pick up on his thoughts and read his mind. They don't always need words, right?
Although that's probably not how it's gonna go, here.
Fuck.
He looks over at Erwin, gaze strangely intense, but everything just gets stuck in his throat.
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Erwin picks up on Levi's distress, but he can't read his mind. He has an idea where this might be going--you'd have to be blind to not notice how well Levi and Finnick are getting on, how quickly they've bonded at the shop--but he also doesn't want to presume. So instead, he lifts his hand and gently rubs between Levi's shoulder blades.
"Is everything all right? You two didn't get in an argument, did you?"
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Something gets through, and though that isn't surprising, Levi still feels grateful for it. The touch is soothing, as it always is, and he leans back into it a little, angling toward Erwin as though drawn like a magnet. He sighs softly, trying to let some of the knots unwind from his stomach and shoulders, and abruptly feels foolish for being anxious in the first place. If Erwin would abandon him over this, that would mean everything else is as much of a flimsy lie, and that couldn't possibly be true.
"No," he says, shaking his head, but there's still a flush working up to his ears. "The opposite."
Stop being a constipated ass and spit it out.
He puts the book aside, realizing he's picking at the corners of the pages, and picks up the cup instead, holding it in both hands.
"We-..."
The fucking brats wouldn't be this stupid about this. Embarrassing. Like trying to shove out shit one piece at a time.
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1.) Levi says he and Finnick did not get in a fight, rather "the opposite."
2.) Levi and Finnick have been spending a lot of time together at the shop, and Erwin has caught those moony looks Levi keeps giving him.
3.) Levi has only very recently gotten in touch with his physical desires, which thus far have all been directed at Erwin or Hange.
4.) Finnick is handsome, and fun, and likes to flirt.
5.) Levi looks way too put together for them to have gotten down and dirty in the sand. Also, sand. Levi would never.
Erwin moves his hand in slow circles on Levi's back. "Did the two of you kiss each other?"
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"Yes."
The confirmation comes immediately, and he feels stupid with relief. Levi exhales, slumping a little, and mutters a soft: "Sorry...acting like m'pushing out a hard shit."
But his eyes immediately jump to Erwin's face to watch his reaction. This isn't like with Hange, and he knows it. That hadn't needed to be explained, but maybe this does - he doesn't know. If asked prior to Finnick's arrival, perhaps even days ago if he thought this sort of thing would happen, Levi wouldn't have even bothered with giving it a real thought.
"I-...didn't expect it. I know Hange was different and this is - he's new. I get it. Maybe it isn't okay, then. It's not that I-"
He can't even fucking say don't love you even to deny it, because they both know that isn't the case, that nothing could ever, ever make those words true.
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Erwin's expression doesn't change at all. His eyes are soft and gentle, full of affection, as he keeps rubbing Levi's back.
"I know, I know." Erwin leans in and kisses Levi's forehead. "It's fine. I'm happy for you."
Happy, and a little sad. There has been the passing person who caught Erwin's fancy here, but they've been gone for a long time, and haven't returned. Erwin also knows that his own fancies are likely much grungier and hornier than Levi's; this whole thing seems awfully pure and sweet by comparison.
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
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That look, that kiss, make him want to just melt into the floor. A soft, involuntary noise sounds quietly from the back of his throat. Levi is quite sure he's never done anything so good as to be rewarded with Erwin. How could he have? But here they are anyway, and he's abandoning the cup on the table to turn and draw him closer, one hand hooked around the side of his neck and burying his face against the other side, breathing him in.
"Fuck..."
Am I taking him for granted? Is he just being fucking greedy? It didn't-...it hadn't felt like that, with Hange. His love for the both of them coexisted, and that felt as natural as anything. Why should this be any different? If it had been Erwin instead, Levi would be happy - proud, even - because of course Erwin deserved to be loved by more than just one person, and more people should love him, to be fucking honest.
Or even if he just wants a good fuck; Levi's plenty aware of his own shortcomings in that regard.
He sighs, burying into him, his husband (and nearly a whole year later, that feels a little less strange and even more wonderful). His scent is clean and a bit like tea; perfect. More tension ekes out of his shoulders, on his way to boneless.
"...yeah," he admits to Erwin's collar bone. "It...feels good to be around him."
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Whether anyone has done anything to deserve having Erwin in their lives is another story, but not one Erwin wants to get into today. No, today is a day for just letting Levi melt against him and cuddling him in return. It's pretty clear that this whole confession was difficult for him, and Erwin can't say he blames him; he's still learning the depths of Levi's neuroses around intimacy, and who knows what he picked up regarding having multiple partners? Although maybe he's been listening to the kids and learning to imitate whatever random bed-hopping they're doing.
"Good." Levi deserves all the love in the world, and Erwin hopes against hope that maybe, just maybe, he can learn to recognise that here, in Somnius, and take it with him back to their world. He hates the thought of Levi being alone forever, the sole survivor of the old Survey Corps, the last of their friends left standing. He wants him to find love again someday, and if that means practicing with Finnick, Levi could certainly do worse or have shittier taste.
"You should keep spending time with him. Keep making each other happy." Because obviously Levi is making Finnick happy too!
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But he's never really had to think about it until now. Levi wouldn't really consider either of them especially jealous - what was the point, when they already knew what they were to each other, trusted each other more than anything and anyone else? It doesn't stop the anxiety, of course, the dread that somehow because someone else has managed to catch his eye (heretofore a thing even Levi didn't believe possible) Erwin might think his attention and love would lessen...but nothing could be further from the truth.
Seeing their younger compatriots form multiple strong bonds certainly helps, too.
Yet it is that very thing, the fear of being alone at the end of their world, that seems a little less awful now, thanks to Finnick. Even that wouldn't have been possible without Erwin, though; truly, he's done most of the heavy lifting navigating Levi's discomforts, gently and patiently allowing him to figure it all out at his own pace.
He holds onto Erwin a little more tightly. Does he make Finnick happy in the same way? Sources say most likely yes, but it's all still...very much new territory.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily," he grumbles (for legal reasons: this is a joke). "As long as you're happy, too."
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How could he? Levi is the only one who has ever really seen Erwin, observed him with all of his flaws and imperfections, saw him with the mask off and his guard down, and kept coming back. Levi is the only person Erwin allows himself to be truly himself around--even Mike and Hange never got the full treatment, although they came the closest after Levi--and Erwin will never not appreciate that.
"Yes. I'm happy you're happy." Which is true! But also getting a little too close to the truth for comfort; for all Erwin values being able to let walls down around Levi, there are some that are harder than others to overcome. He shifts Levi on his lap, arranging him so they're both a little more comfortable. "You should ask Finnick how he'd feel about kissing two old men at the same time."
Half joking, half serious. Easier to deflect to the idea of a threesome than to admit that, for all he's glad that Levi is finding someone new to love, the thought also sends little pinpricks of grief through Erwin's heart. Levi will move someday, and while that's the best thing for him, it still hurts that Erwin won't be there beside him for the rest of his days.
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But this is what they get now, and he'll always treasure each and every second.
Levi adjusts into one of their usual positions when Erwin recites poetry to him, buried close, tucked into his arms, one hand resting lightly over Erwin's chest near his heart. There's truly no better feeling than this.
He makes a little noise like a snort, but perhaps surprisingly, doesn't dismiss the idea outright.
"Maybe I will. Not like that, though; he might think we're a couple of weird perverts." He brushes his lips lightly against Erwin's jaw, noses at his cheek. "You ain't that old."
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"But Levi..." he bends down, deliberately touching one of Levi's eyebrows with the tip of his nose, "I am a weird old pervert."
And then Erwin breaks out in giggles, sounding remarkably like a teenaged boy. That was an excellent joke, and he nailed it.
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But Erwin's laughing - giggling ridiculously and giddy, and he decides that whatever the reason for it doesn't matter, because it's one of the most precious sounds he's ever hears.
At once, practically all of his anxiety lifts away, because he can't think about anything else being more important than this. Levi huffs in fond, loving exasperation, and wraps his arms around Erwin's neck to drag him closer, as though he could absorb that laughter directly into his skin, keep it in the marrow of his bones. He hides a smile against Erwin's throat as he grumbles out:
"Well, you are a fucking weirdo, that's for sure."
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Oh, well. At least he's amused himself, and he knows the subtle tells in Levi's voice enough to recognise that he's hiding a smile against Erwin's neck. When Levi scoots closer, Erwin winnows his arm under his legs and pulls him up against his chest, cradling him like he's holding an oversized cat.
"Hmmm, that's true. Better make sure your new boyfriend doesn't mind weirdos hanging around."
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If he really was a cat, he'd be purring, loudly, right into Erwin's ear. Instead, he's sighing, utterly content, snuggled as close as he can be as he (like a cat) leans all of his weight onto Erwin's chest.
"Well," he mumbles into the little nook he's made for himself. "Haven't scared him away yet...so he's gotta be into that at least a little, or something."
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Or maybe she'd just saunter over and join them, appreciating a quality cuddle pile like any self-respecting cat would.
"Well, he knows a lot about strange sea animals and doesn't mind teaching us about them. Perhaps there's a bit of weirdo hidden in him, too." Erwin uses one hand to smooth Levi's hair away from his face. "You should invite him over for dinner again."
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"Mm," he sighs softly, blissfully content at being pet. "Cracking open shells to eat the weird slimy things inside, wonder who first thought'a that."
Levi brushes a soft kiss to the corner of Erwin's mouth, almost askance. "All right, I will. We should make him something, this time."
'We' of course primarily meaning Erwin, but Levi has taken to cooking a thing or two now and then, lately.
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"Someone very hungry, I imagine." Maybe they saw something else eating the oysters first? Erwin isn't sure how anyone would realise they were food without that kind of cue.
He chuckles and returns Levi's kiss. "All right. He showed up oysters and mussels, we should think of something unique from our world. How do you think he'd feel about my mother's apple cake?"
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In some regards, he'd rather have the mimic. At least it didn't leave fur everywhere.
Anyway, at the mention of apple cake, Levi visibly perks up. He's not much of one for sweets, but he seems to make exceptions for things involving apples.
"Doesn't matter. If he hates it, more for us." More for him, really. "That's not dinner, though."
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"No, we can't just feed him apple cake." Erwin is well aware of Levi's feelings on apple cake, and isn't the slightest bit worried about there being leftovers, even if Finnick hates it.
"The weather is starting to get colder. How about a nice stew?"
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"Hm," he muses, nestling in more. They've done this so many times by now, it's like they fit perfectly together like pieces of a puzzle. This limb this way, this limb that way, head here. "So long as we don't hit another hot spell, that should be fine."
And really, he could eat stew any time.
"I'll ask him."
action; early september
[Sunny is terrible. He did something terrible. But when he told Aubrey, she didn't run away. They're alright. Sometimes, he's even happy. And he can speak a little more strongly now.
[Part of that is due to Erwin, however. His teacher is kind, encouraging, patient, and smart. Sunny thinks the world of him - tells everyone about him that he can. And he's far more comfortable hanging out in his kitchen now that they've been doing it a while. He seems to be in an alright mood, despite his ever subdued demeanor.
[As the lesson is wrapping up and they are enjoying there tea, something occurs to him. He looks up at Mr. Erwin.]
Could...I show you something? [He thinks Erwin may like this.]
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[They haven't gotten to The Jabberwocky yet, but Erwin has grand plans for when Sunny is ready for that beast.]
[They're done with the lesson now, though, and enjoying some tea when Sunny asks him a question. Erwin tilts his head, intrigued. Sunny doesn't usually offer things like this, and it's piqued his interest.]
Yes, of course.
[Burnt Rice strolls into the kitchen and winds herself around Sunny's ankles. Hello, young friend!]
sob...erwin u sweet man
I'll be right back. [No pauses or nothin'! He takes a moment to duck into the other room, just out of Erwin's view.
[When he returns...
[He has two black cat ears poking out of his head, and a long, swishy black tail. He bounces on his toes a bit, fiddling with his hands, anxious to know what Erwin thinks. It's pretty cool, right?]
A...real transfurmation...
he can be pretty cute when he wants to be
[Erwin waits when Sunny steps out, a little bewildered but amused at what's going on. Then he comes back, and Erwin bursts into delighted laughter.]
You had a transformation potion! [Whoops!] Excuse me, a transfurmation potion. Can I pet your ears?
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[He nods, taking a few steps forward and incling his head a bit, black ears twitching and swiveling.]
Did you...take a potion too? [He's never asked, he realizes - at least, he doesn't think he has.]
text; un: omnidirectional ~nebulously late october
I have a question for you - did you pick out the rings you and Levi wear, or was that something he did? I need help picking out one for Dolph.
[ It's important to mention Dolph. He knows Erwin and Levi are closed to him, so it feels important to let them know this is happening. ]
video;
[No text response, Jean is getting a video.]
What's going on with you and Dolph?
Re: video;
I'm going to propose to him.
[ He barely keeps the sir off his tongue for once. ]
Properly, rather, since we've already talked about it.
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I ask this with all due respect, Jean, and apologies if my vocabulary isn't entirely up to date: you're not viewing this proposal as some kind of runner-up relationship that will always be secondary to your relationship with Eren, are you? Because Dolph deserves better than that.
[So do you goes unsaid, but is definitely implied.]
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[ Erwin will be able to see Jean steeling himself quietly. ]
He's not secondary to my relationship with Eren. Dolph is my priority now. I love Eren, but he's made his choice and his decisions. Dolph deserved better than Alex - he deserved better than me, honestly, at the start.
[ They are both dead, these two lovers of Jean's. But one is trying to make what he can of his life here, and the other isn't, as far as he's aware. ]
I still have choices I can make, and I choose Dolph, and staying with him. As long as this place lets me - longer, if I can manage it.
1/2
[You better not be shitting him, kid.]
2/2
Then I'm very happy to hear that, and wish nothing but the best for both of you.
JEEZ COMMANDER ROAST HIS BALLS
Thank you, I appreciate that a lot. All I want to do is make Dolph happy - make sure the good memories outweigh the bad ones.
[ He has a lot of work to do. Dolph is thirty, after all. But he'll do it. ]
But - I was serious about the rings question. I know I don't want anything too fancy for him - too complicated and he won't like it.
BE HAPPY YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND HAS SUCH GOOD BALL ROASTING FRIENDS, GOSH!
[Also, thirty isn't old, shut up.]
That's the best reason possible for getting married. And you do make him happy. He's said as much to me.
[And for as reluctant as Dolph can be to talk about emotions, him expressing them so openly to Erwin means it has to be true.]
I'm afraid I won't be much help for the ins and outs of ring shopping. Levi and I saw ours in a dream the labyrinth gave us, and then I simply wished for them from the crystal. There was no shopping or choice involved.
Have you asked Dolph what kind he thinks he'd like? I'd say that silver would stand out more against his skin, but then gold is a different metal than his arm, and could stand for a new beginning.
HE IS BUT DAMN
[ Ah, they wished the rings - that makes sense. Still, his input is helpful regardless, especially about the gold. It's still a precious metal back home, rare and prized. ]
I know gold can be more delicate, though. Then again, maybe the magic here can be used to make it more durable.
I'll see what he might have a preference for. Even if he knows what kind of metal the ring will be, I still have some tricks up my sleeve.
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I've been wearing it for about a year, and it's held up well. I think the gold may be mixed with another, stronger metal.
[The ring has some scratches on it, and has been buffed down by wear to a mellow gleam, but it's clearly still in good shape.]
Are you thinking of adding a stone to it? And should I start dropping hints to Dolph about the kind of stone you might like?
[Because he will absolutely wingman for you, Jean.]
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The question of stones, though, has Jean laughing gently to himself. ]
No - no stones for me. I'd be afraid it'd catch on the gear.
[ The ring is already risk enough. ]
I hadn't considered a stone for him. I wasn't sure if that fell under too fancy. Maybe something set in the metal, rather than protruding?
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[Erwin Smith, advising restraint and caution? What is this, bizarro world?]
Yes, something set in the metal. A protruding stone would just get in the way.
I believe the traditional stone is a diamond?
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[ Rings are already not a terribly common thing - more common the further towards the interior you are. For people like Eren and Mikasa, they were rare. Jean's mother had a ring, but it was plain. Stones are the exception. ]
It doesn't make me think of Dolph, I guess.
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I agree, a diamond doesn't seem to fit.
[It does, however, fit you, pal, so guess what Erwin is going to subtly slip into conversation with Dolph later?]
What color makes you think of him? That might be a good place to start.
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I think of warmth, but... not the colors you'd associate with that. Not red or yellow. Something soothing and comforting, like a lake on a day without wind. A place you want to stay at forever.
Blue, and green.
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[Erwin puts the phone down and stands up, treating Jean to a view of the cottage ceiling. There's some rustling in the background, and an annoyed meow and murmured apology when Erwin has to move Burnt Rice out of the way, and then Erwin comes back. He props the phone up so the camera is facing him, and he's got a book in his hands.]
[Because of course he has a book about geology and gemstones kicking around. Naturally.]
All right, I'm going to look for blue and green gemstones.
[He starts flipping through the book, and when he finds the page he's looking for, he holds it up so Jean can see it.]
There are emeralds and sapphires, which are beautiful, but it also says here that they're fragile, particularly emeralds. They're not recommended for rings that you wear everyday.
October 14th
Much has happened lately, and since they seem to thankfully be more or less in a pocket of peace, Levi's decided that some extra pampering is in order; perhaps a nice breakfast and a ride together, a soak in the tub and time curled up on the couch together, reading or napping.
Or whatever Erwin wants to do, really.
He's prepped some things for breakfast, anyway, having been up at his usual before-dawn hours. Perhaps nothing will be able to fully mend his permanently damaged sleeping habits, but he does sleep better and longer lately, pressed close to his husband. He'd carefully slipped away hours ago, but now he slips back, gently moving Burnt Rice out of his spot and sliding back under the covers next to Erwin, where he leaves a soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.
If Erwin starts to wake, he'll greet him with a little: "Hey."
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Thirty-eight. Two years older than he should be, and a year older than his father was when he died. At this rate, he might even make it to forty, and truly be an old man.
Erwin is used to Levi vacating the bed ahead of him, and has taken the opportunity to sprawl out across their shared bed. When he feels the mattress shift, he rolls over, half-asleep, and reaches out for Levi, aiming to pull him in against his chest.
The kiss across the bridge of his nose makes Erwin smile, although his eyes still aren't open yet. "Good morning, Levi. What time is it?"
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The world could be better...and it's certainly an improvement on the situation they'd left behind. But it's hard to argue about it when time is the more difficult thing to come by. It's a thing Levi tries not to dwell on (though he so often fails), especially in moments like this when Erwin draws him in, and he happily nestles in, tangling legs and sliding hands up under his shirt to press palms to that broad back for warmth.
"Seven-thirty," he mutters, lips brushing the underside of Erwin's jaw, rough on stubble. "Can sleep more f'you want, birthday boy."
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He groans softly when Levi calls him birthday boy; it appears there will be no escaping it. It's fine. He's actually tickled that Levi clearly has some things in mind for them. "October fourteenth already?" He snugs in closer, happy to be Levi's heat source. "Does this make me the oldest man in Somnius now?"
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"Hm," he muses, pressing the tip of his cold nose against Erwin's throat to warm it, leaving a kiss there in exchange. "Bet we could find someone older and geezier than you. Plenty of weirdos who say they're like five thousand years old around here."
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Erwin makes a face at Levi's comment, and finally opens his eyes. "Sure, they'll say they're five thousand years old, but they're an immortal dragon or something and have the body of a seventeen year old."
It's so unfair.
But with that, Erwin is now up, and he drops a kiss to Levi's forehead before propping himself up against the headboard. "So what are you in the mood to do today? Being that I'm one year older and geezier."
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Levi snorts lightly in agreement; this place is fucking weird, but some things he's learned to just take in stride and move the fuck on.
For a moment he just gazes at Erwin, quietly taking in the blue of his eyes that always remind him of the first time he'd ever really laid eyes on the sky. A different sort of warmth spreads from that kiss, fluttering pleasantly through his chest as it tingles out through his fingertips and toes. He inhales and lets it out softly, a contented little sigh, never not in awe that he's loved.
He resituates himself after Erwin moves, tucking in close to lay his head on that pillowy chest, a hand over his heart.
"It's your birthday," he reminds him mildly, amusement in his usual drawl. "Could make you breakfast, go for a ride, or just sit here and rot in bed." Not at all unappealing, despite how he phrases it. "Or whatever you want."
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He makes a soft humming noise as he thinks it over. "I say we stay in bed awhile longer, watch the sun move across the wall. Then we get up, have breakfast, and take the horses for a nice, long amble around the village."
He assumes the tea shop is closed for the day, or left in Jean's capable hands.
"I wonder if there's a good apple orchard around here somewhere. We could get a whole bunch of apples and make some cider with them."
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Shop is closed. It's been closed more often than he would've liked so soon after opening, but shit has happened and he can't be there the whole time every day, after Finnick's departure, and Jean has enough on his plate. Erwin's birthday is a good enough excuse for taking a temporary holiday.
Levi perks up a little at the mention of an apple orchard - it's more of a vibe than actually moving, because he is currently in his favorite spot in the whole fucking universe, and very disinclined to be budged. His fingers splay wide over Erwin's chest, move lazily up to brush his collar bone.
"Might be one," he agrees. "Could ask in town, and take the horses out. Suppose a day of spoiling them won't make them too rotten. Sounds good to me."
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Erwin isn't too worried about the tea shop and repeat business. They'll get back into it more full time as the year comes in an end, he's sure, but for now, their customers will understand needing a day off. They'll also be rewarded for their patience with some homemade cider, if they can find a good orchard. And maybe something with pumpkins? Has anyone ever tried making a hot drink with pumpkin in it? Something to consider...
Erwin is also disinclined to move much; he brings his hand up and starts combing his fingers through Levi's hair. Is he going to muss up the part in it? Most likely, but mussing each other's hair just seems to kind of happen between them. It's not his fault Levi looks exceptionally handsome with his hair brushed back from his face.
"I wonder if we could find a wagon for one of them to pull, or some saddlebags." That's right, husband: he's going to use his birthday to put you to work picking apples. Erwin drops another kiss to Levi's forehead. "And then I can make some apple cake when we get home."
take ME on this date, Erwin
Levi goes quiet a little at the mention of a wagon. There's definitely at least one at Eren's farm that they use to do their food deliveries. Ordinarily he'd suggest borrowing it in exchange for some of the produce they'll gather...but that's not an option, right now. Eren isn't an option. Not for a while. Perhaps never again.
Erwin's kiss draws him away from the precipice of melancholy, and Levi rides the soft fluttering of his heart back upward, inhaling softly and setting those thoughts away as he slides his palm up to just curl loosely around the slope of Erwin's neck and nestles in with a soft inhale.
"Hm. Bet we could get a local to let us borrow something. Shouldn't be hard." Bickering with goblins was sometimes entertaining. Levi bumps his nose against Erwin's chin in a light admonishment. "Oi. It's your birthday. Supposed to be spoiling you, not the other way 'round."
Not that he's really arguing against apple cake...
I know, right?
Besides, today is supposed to be a happy day. There's no point in ruminating on the terrible choices other people make.
"If we asked really nicely, Crowley might even let us borrow Bentley." He would not, and Erwin knows it. Neither of them know how to drive a car, anyway.
"We could ask the vegetable stand goblins. They like tea with a lot of sugar in it; I bet if we brought them a flask or two, they'd let us take their cart for the day."
He chuckles at Levi's tone, and ducks his head down to steal a real kiss. "Oh, don't worry. I'm going to put you to work doing all the washing and peeling. I'll save all the fun parts for myself."
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Today is about Erwin.
He grumbles a little at the suggestion - something about Goblins having no fucking taste, probably, but otherwise acquiesces. It's not a bad idea, even if he has to desecrate a batch of tea as a small price to pay. It'll be worth it.
"Good," he murmurs, and wiggles upward a little to take another kiss for himself, because there can't ever just be one. A little voice suggests that maybe they could just spend all day here like this, instead, but the idea doesn't quite appeal as much as the rest. Especially since he'll find himself right back here at the end of the day.
But he's also not in a rush, peering at Erwin lazily from a little too close, lips hovering over lips like he might just keep kissing him.
"What d'you want for breakfast?"
lots of exclamation points in this tag, Erwin is excite
Erwin beams up at Levi, letting his arm shift from around Levi's shoulders to down around the curve of his waist, his hand pressing flat against the small of Levi's back. If they're going to stay in bed and cuddle like this, Erwin needs a few moments to get his other arm on! He can cuddle much better with both hands!
"Eggs. And bacon." Something delicious and heart-clogging, please. He stretches up to close that distance between them, nabbing himself another kiss. "Let's get some bath bombs while we're out, too. For later."
Something that makes a lot of bubbles, smells good, and dyes the water all kinds of colors. Erwin has discovered them recently and is all in on the idea.
so cute sir
He hums softly into the kiss, both pleased to give one more and in approval of Erwin's requests. Hands curl into blonde hair, tugging his head back gently to angle the next kiss a little deeper, even slipping tongue past his lips. It's slow and lazy and thorough. When it breaks, Levi drops a soft kiss on the tip of Erwin's sculptural nose.
"Whatever you want," he murmurs softly. "Husband."
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"What I'd like," he decides, once he's got his breath back, "if we're going to stay here awhile longer, is to go put my arm on, so I can hold you with both arms."
He doesn't sleep with his prosthetic. It's a toss-up: Levi will lose the full access to his chest from the arm's straps, but he'll get held in two arms instead of one. Choices, choices.
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But Erwin has asked to hold him with both arms, and really, Levi can't argue with that.
So he just hums, says "all right" before stealing one more brief kiss, and shifts to stretch for the prosthetic set off to the side of the bed.
He's trying to do it without actually moving from his spot on Erwin's chest, even though he'll have to do it in a minute anyway. Grabbing it on a full body stretch, he sits up, straddling Erwin's hips now, to give him a little room to sit up.
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The muscle on his right shoulder used to bother Erwin too, when it had atrophied and gotten smaller than the muscle on his left arm. It's gotten stronger now, from moving the prosthetic, leaving him more or less symmetrical again, so he stays loose and relaxed while Levi touches it.
When Levi sits up, Erwin does too, taking his arm with a soft, murmured thanks. He's well practiced in getting it on now, holding the arm itself by pressing it against his body with his stump as he adjusts the straps, then holding the main strap in his teeth as he lifts the arm and slots it into place. He can do it himself, but he won't protest if Levi offers some help with the straps.
Once it's on and secure, Erwin flexes the hand a few times and moves the elbow up and down, making sure it's satisfactory, before putting both arms around Levi and lowering them back down to the bed.
"There. Much better."
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(Nevermind that it took Levi himself some time to not think about how the outcome might have been different if he'd been there if not for his own injury, but that's water far under the bridge at this point, one he's long past dwelling on. Mostly.)
He does help with the straps, more than practiced at it now. There's intimacy in this, too, and he's been quietly glad to see Erwin thriving with the arm, now long used to its touch. Even so, he settles nearer to Erwin's left side, to feel his warmth better.
"Mm," he intones mildly, curling up against his chest again, resting his chin on his hands and just gazing up at Erwin lazily. "Not bad."
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(From another perspective, if he hadn't had his arm out and held away from his body, rather than pointing forward, the titan wouldn't have had anything bite down on except his torso, a much less survivable injury. Maybe losing his arm alone was the best possible outcome.)
Erwin sighs as they settle back in, adjusting himself so Levi has as much warm skin as possible to lounge on. "I'm glad you approve." With his arm on, he's now able to curl it around Levi's back while simultaneously playing with his hair with the other hand. Glorious!
Erwin closes his eyes for a few moments, just revelling in the sensations of touch and closeness. "I have to tell you... this is already a top five birthday."
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They're here now. Just as Erwin settles in and closes his eyes, Levi does the same, lulled by that touch, like a cat basking in the sun. Despite all the plans they've just made, he's in no hurry to move anywhere. Erwin's heartbeat is strong.
Levi yawns, drapes his arm across Erwin's torso to rest lightly against his hip. "What are the other four?"
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Now, in the lazy autumn sunshine, Erwin chuckles softly. "Putting me on the spot, aren't you?"
He thinks it over for a few moments, lightly tracing nonsense designs across Levi's back. "My eighth birthday was good. My father got me my first book of poetry, and my mother made apple cake."
Another pause. "The last one, when we were still in our own world. Do you remember?"
They'd been out on a mission, out beyond the Walls. It had been before the 104th graduated, before they'd even heard of titan shifters, in a time that feels impossibly simple now. It had gotten dark, and they'd bedded down for the night, setting up patrols to keep watch. They'd gotten lucky; there hadn't been any abnormals around, and they'd managed to clear the immediate area of titans when there was still daylight.
They'd made a bonfire, and all the veterans--so many of them lost, now--had gathered around it. There hadn't been cake, or alcohol, or anything like that. But they'd all been together, and Mike, of all people, had gotten everyone to sing happy birthday.
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The touch is so soothing, Levi almost feels himself being lulled to sleep again. There's a matching pause, and perhaps for a moment Erwin might think he is asleep, until he answers quietly.
"...yeah."
It did feel like a lifetime ago. Expeditions always meant tragedy and loss, but there was always an undeniable heartening in moments like that one. The camaraderie of gathering around the fire with the others, something so simple and fleeting and yet so inescapably human. They'd still faced death, in those days, but it had felt so different, then. Naive, looking back on it now, to somehow not realize there could be even worse terrors coming for them, and things even more unimaginable on the horizon.
It's those pockets of happiness that had been so vital to keep going. To keep believing that better things were possible.
Levi presses his fingers against Erwin a moment, just a little anchor, before shifting enough to regard him with a mild expression.
"Not gonna sing for you, though," he says dryly.
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"What, really?" Erwin lifts his eyebrows, then pushes his lower lip out in a pout. "But it's my birthday, Levi."
Heart of stone, his husband has, heart of stone!
Erwin can't keep the pout up for longer than a moment or two, though; it dissolves into a smile, and he spreads his hand broad across Levi's back, running it from his shoulders to his hips in a long, smooth stroke. "Maybe next year."
And then he shifts, getting up onto one elbow. "If we don't get up now, we're going to end up staying here all day."
( video )
( video )
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[He is suspiciously unsurprised.]
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He told me you helped him out with it.
[Action- 12/25 gift delivery]
[backdated to 12/25]
I hope you'll enjoy these. I've copied them as best as I can remember.
-Iris
[Upon opening the package, he'll find a book-- more like a journal, really. Each page has been hand-written in the same script with poems and verses, none of which are currently found in the village library. Some may bear some resemblance to literature from the most common version of Earth, but others are from entirely different versions of history. On the inside cover, an additional note has been inked: Teachers affect eternity.]
text; un: armored
text; un: erwinsmith; private
Yes, both physically and mentally.
private ∞
[ At least there's one good thing in the midst of all this. ]
Some things happened, and
Could I talk to you? In person, maybe?
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Of course. Would you like to come to my cottage? Or I can meet you somewhere if that would be better.
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[ He heads off, but not before typing one more thing. ]
I was in Inferna. The effects won't bleed over to you, will they?
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I'm so sorry, Reiner.
I should be unaffected. Please, come over. I'll leave the door open; just let yourself in.
[Erwin leaves the line open, in case Reiner has more to say, but he starts moving around the cottage as he waits. He gets the spare room--Hange's room, once--set up for a visitor, with fresh sheets and blankets, in case Reiner decides he wants to stay for a few days. He throws together a simple, filling meal, setting it to simmer on the stovetop. He even puts out extra towels in the bathroom. The whole time, he's keeping half an eye on the door, ready to drop everything when Reiner arrives.]
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The scent of cooking food hits him first, causing his otherwise uninterested stomach to grumble a bit. He stands in the doorway for a second, looking as drained as he feels. As if all the weight that had been lifted in the past few weeks all crashed down at once.
Which is exactly what happened. ]
Phone tag prose switch!
No, Erwin thinks as he moves forward, towards where Reiner lingers in the doorway, that’s not fair. He looks exhausted, wrung out, like the weight of the world is held up on his shoulders. Whatever happened to him—and will Erwin be calling around to find out why he wasn’t informed of this earlier? Did dream world David Bowie wear trousers that put his dick front and center?—it must have been horrible.
Erwin has sympathy. He remembers what it’s like to die too.
“Come here.” It’s something he would have never done back home. He couldn’t; he had to stay aloof and distant, had to separate himself from his soldiers so he could do what needed to be done. But he doesn’t have to be that person here. He can be better. Kinder.
He can be the kind of man the kids need.
“Come here, Reiner.” He opens his arms as he approaches, offering a hug if Reiner wants it.
/o/
He doesn't expect Erwin to come toward him with his arms open.
It's more than he ever could have hoped.
Reiner's expression twists as he moves to meet Erwin, letting himself be wrapped in those arms, his own wrapping around Erwin in turn. Immediately, he's all but clinging. The weight of everything presses down and down, and…
"I remembered," he starts, speaking against Erwin's shoulder. "I remembered what I forgot. It slowed me down a second too long. And then…"
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"What had you forgotten?" Erwin is aware of that, people forgetting important things, but he isn't suffering from it himself. At least, he hopes he isn't. There's been no indication that he was affected.
Either way, asking for clarification is going to hurt. But it's also important to get these things out, lest they fester under the skin.
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"Bertolt," he answers. "I… This place made me forget what happened to him. Then it all came back. All at once."
His fingers dig into the fabric of Erwin's shirt. Holding on tighter.
"I can't believe I forgot…"
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And there's no judgment here, none at all. Erwin has spent enough nights on his own, beating himself up for decisions he's made, lives lost on his behalf.
Bertolt. Reiner's other half. The boy who died at Shiganshina, the one who almost went down Erwin's throat, if Levi hadn't changed his mind at the last minute. Erwin wonders if Reiner would be here, wanting to tell him about it, if he'd been the one who killed the boy. Somehow, he thinks he wouldn't.
"This place can be very cruel sometimes. But you know that anyone who knows you, anyone who saw the two of you back then, doesn't believe for a second that you would ever forget that on your own, right?"
How could they? Bertolt is woven all through Reiner, as much as Levi is woven through Erwin. He wouldn't forget. He can't forget.
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It helps, what Erwin is saying. Helps to have outside reassurance that he wouldn't have forgotten his partner. Not on his own. (Not as he made himself forget what happened to Marco.) But the fact that it could be done to him at all still claws at Reiner's mind, making him doubt his memories.
How could Bertolt's fate be carved so neatly from his life? How could Reiner's mind have filled in the gaps so thoroughly?
"I wouldn't," he promises. "I would never forget him. Not anything about him."
And yet, he did. Those memories were lifted from his mind with Reiner none the wiser.
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Without letting go or loosening his grip, Erwin starts to gently steer Reiner towards the couch. They can mourn Bertolt just as easily there as here, and be more comfortable while they do it.
"Will you tell me about him?" Erwin makes the request gently, ready to be rebuffed if that feels like too much for Reiner. "I knew him so briefly. Most of my memories are of him standing slightly behind you and looking intimidated."
Which, in all fairness, is how a lot of Erwin's early memories of the 104th recruits went.