[Quite frankly, Erwin thinks it would have been a very different story if he had been there. That’s something he’ll keep to himself, though; not to spare either of their feelings, but to spare Hange’s.]
And would you have told him the truth, if I’d directed him to either of you? Or would you have let your own grief and horror dictate what he knows, until or if you reach the point where you’re comfortable talking about it? And meanwhile, potentially thrown this world into the same kind of chaos you left behind?
[His expression actually softens a little here, as does his voice.]
I have no interest in interfering with your lives here. Deal with your grief or don’t, it’s all the same to me. But what I will not do is sit idly by when this world is threatened. I will not make the same mistakes twice and let the good people here have their lives thrown into chaos based on a child’s idea of freedom.
[ Jean listens to them both, caught between both points of view. Truthfully, he'd made the same argument to Mikasa about whether they would ever be ready to talk to Eren about what happened. He'd received much the same stonewalling; but he knows in his own heart of hearts he might have put it off forever. ]
I think, [ He cuts in here, his voice steadier than his expression appears to be, ] that we all made decisions we thought were in our best interests, and unfortunately both of those decisions ended up hurting Eren, in ways we couldn't avoid.
[ He nods to Erwin first. Sorry he's going for you first, Commander, but he's trying to make a point. ]
It wasn't your right to tell him any of it, but you were keeping your home safe. He needed to know where his actions might lead him, especially if he gets his powers back at any point.
[ Then, he turns to Mikasa, his expression going softer and a little pleading. ]
And we have been through the end of the world. We wanted to wait, and we should have been able to. But we were hurting Eren by not answering his questions, and you know that's true. Maybe if we had a better plan, we could have avoided this. But it got to this point and something had to be done.
[ Adding, tiredly: ]
You saw what he said to me, Mikasa. Even if he swore he didn't mean it later.
You still should have sent him to us. You're telling him about things you don't understand, because you weren't there.
[ Mikasa looks down at Jean, pursing her lips before she looks away. ]
I was telling him things. Just because it wasn't everything at once doesn't mean I was keeping secrets. I don't really care what your justification is, Erwin, or why you thought it was your job to do it, but it wasn't.
[ And now she looks back at him, her expression tight, anger held back. ]
If anything happens to Eren because of this, I will blame you, and I will kill you. I'll do that for him, no matter what he does.
[ And, as far as she's concerned, she's made her point; she's turning her back on them both and heading to the front door, tugging her boots out and storming out. She's not going to waste her time on someone who isn't going to listen to her - at least in her view - when she could be making sure Eren is alright. ]
[Erwin actually smiles when Mikasa threatens to kill him. Does she genuinely think this is the first time he's heard that threat? The first time he's heard that threat from an Ackerman? He's sure that this time, it won't eventually end in getting married, but still, the irony is entertaining.]
Of course.
[His voice has gone light and cheery as she storms away.]
Because protecting him from the consequences of his actions worked out so well the last time, didn't it?
[ Jean half turns in his seat, calling out to her. She doesn't hear him (or doesn't care) and keeps storming out the door. Jean's the one who's left to hear Erwin's truthful barb, and he turns to shoot him an irritated glare. ]
Cut that out.
[ But any anger (and hurt he feels at Mikasa leaving him here) sputters out fairly quickly, and he sits back, sinking lower in his chair, and covering his face.
[Yeah okay, Jean has a point there. Erwin knows he isn't wrong, but definitely could have phrased that better. He's out of practice.]
[He sits across the table and watches Jean for a few moments. He'll give the kid credit: he might be mad at Erwin too, but he came here with good intentions. He wasn't simply looking for a fight. And he's gathered some other valuable intel from this too.]
[When he speaks up, his voice is soft, almost mournful.]
She's never going to love anyone as much as she loves Eren. You can see that, can't you?
[ Jean truly isn't too mad at Erwin. Does he wish it happened a different way? Yeah, absolutely. Does he wish he'd been smart enough to push through his own pain, like he always has, and made a plan with Mikasa? Also yes.
He didn't, though. He tried to lick his wounds and not have to think about it for a while, and look where it got him. That's not a mistake he'll be making again.
He hears Erwin's words, his tone having gone soft, and Jean now feels the bite of tears in his eyes. He's not going to do this. He's not going to cry about this, not in front of Erwin, who probably has some ulterior motive for poking at this particular wound. ]
I know she won't.
[ That's the truth of how pathetic Jean Kirstein is: he knows neither Eren nor Mikasa will ever love him in the same, all-consuming inferno they love each other. He's contented himself with the heat from that blaze long enough that it's almost sweet. ]
Neither of them will ever love someone the way they love each other.
[ Which is his other pathetic admission; in spite of everything, he still loves Eren too. He finally sits up straight, and sighs, dropping his hands from his face. ]
Don't think you can try to use that against me. I'm not here to be your enemy, anyway. I have no intention of fighting you about Eren; what's done is done.
[ Adding, honestly, and looking at Erwin straight on: ]
[Erwin doesn't sound particularly surprised or shocked that Jean has made the accusation, though. Nor is he offended. It shows the kid has been paying attention, far better than his hotheaded girlfriend, and Erwin can respect that.]
[He fishes a handkerchief out of one of his pockets and tosses it across the table.]
In that, at least, we're in agreement. I told Eren what I did because I was trying to prevent another war from breaking out, not starting one. I don't bear you or any of the others any ill will.
[The faintest of smiles.]
Although I don't think the same can be said of Mikasa, when it comes to me. Not anymore, certainly.
[ Despite the fact he knows what Erwin is like, a little, he still relaxes his shoulders when Erwin tells him he doesn't bear them ill will. Even if it was a lie, it's one Erwin would be willing to play to, and that's good enough.
... He's not that skeptical of Erwin, though, to be fair. It just helps to know there's additional reasons. ]
I know. I figured that was why you told him before we even came over here to ask.
[ He takes the handkerchief but doesn't use it, despite the fact that now he knows the wetness in his eyes was noticed. Not so successful at holding those back, it seems. ]
She's pissed. She's not gonna get the chance to kill you, either.
[ Between Levi and the fact that while Mikasa might be a murderer like Jean, with countless Yeagerist Scouts on her hands, he's not going to let her stain her hands with Erwin's blood. ]
[For all his other, numerous flaws, Erwin is being genuine when he says he bears them no ill will. As long as this world doesn't come under threat, he's perfectly content to let it keep spinning as it has, and let the kids live out their extremely complicated, messy lives. Preferably without involving him in their drama.]
I'm not worried about that in the slightest.
[Erwin shakes his head ruefully.]
That's not even the first death threat I've gotten from an Ackerman. I'm sure it'll work out fine.
[He's 2 for 2 with Not Getting Murdered by Ackermans. It'll work out.]
You know, somehow, that doesn't surprise me even a little.
[ He can perfectly see Levi threatening to kill Erwin, genuinely and with full intention. He's glad it worked out for them, at least, as those rings remind him when he sees them on him.
Erwin does seem happy, here. Jean raises his hand to rub at the headache he can feel forming. ]
Could I bother you for a glass of water?
[ At least it doesn't feel like he's messed things up too badly on his end. He'd rather have the, if not support, being on good terms with Erwin. ]
[Erwin tilts his head back and gestures at a small scar on his throat, directly under his chin.]
Who do you think gave me this?
[Did he deliberately use his left hand to point at it? Why yes, yes he did.]
Of course. Or would you rather have some coffee or tea?
[Either way, Erwin is getting up. There's no point in getting angry and bringing unnecessary emotion into this whole debacle. That just leads to bad decisions and animosity, and Erwin would rather not have either on his hands.]
[If Jean watches closely, he'll notice that Erwin's new arm seems to move slower and less fluidly than his regular one. He should also be able to hear very faint electrical crackling if the arm gets close.]
Only a few days old. The Doctor made it for me. He figured out a way for me to use my electricity to power it.
Didn't realize we had a proper doctor here in town.
[ Jean is watching closely, and notes that it moves slower and less fluidly - but it's still working at all, which is more than he would ever get back home. He blinks at Erwin talking about the electricity powering it. ]
That's actually really clever. Beats having to carry around a generator of some kind to make it move.
A space traveller? Now I'm really hearing something surprising.
[ He understands the concept of things like space, planets, terrestrial and celestial bodies. He understands, loosely, the concept of space travel. He was never very into it, however, so the look he's giving Erwin is equal parts skeptical and curious. ]
I mean, if he built you that, he's got to be brilliant. Is he Armin brilliant, or Hange brilliant, though?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 06:04 pm (UTC)And would you have told him the truth, if I’d directed him to either of you? Or would you have let your own grief and horror dictate what he knows, until or if you reach the point where you’re comfortable talking about it? And meanwhile, potentially thrown this world into the same kind of chaos you left behind?
[His expression actually softens a little here, as does his voice.]
I have no interest in interfering with your lives here. Deal with your grief or don’t, it’s all the same to me. But what I will not do is sit idly by when this world is threatened. I will not make the same mistakes twice and let the good people here have their lives thrown into chaos based on a child’s idea of freedom.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 06:20 pm (UTC)I think, [ He cuts in here, his voice steadier than his expression appears to be, ] that we all made decisions we thought were in our best interests, and unfortunately both of those decisions ended up hurting Eren, in ways we couldn't avoid.
[ He nods to Erwin first. Sorry he's going for you first, Commander, but he's trying to make a point. ]
It wasn't your right to tell him any of it, but you were keeping your home safe. He needed to know where his actions might lead him, especially if he gets his powers back at any point.
[ Then, he turns to Mikasa, his expression going softer and a little pleading. ]
And we have been through the end of the world. We wanted to wait, and we should have been able to. But we were hurting Eren by not answering his questions, and you know that's true. Maybe if we had a better plan, we could have avoided this. But it got to this point and something had to be done.
[ Adding, tiredly: ]
You saw what he said to me, Mikasa. Even if he swore he didn't mean it later.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:19 pm (UTC)[ Mikasa looks down at Jean, pursing her lips before she looks away. ]
I was telling him things. Just because it wasn't everything at once doesn't mean I was keeping secrets. I don't really care what your justification is, Erwin, or why you thought it was your job to do it, but it wasn't.
[ And now she looks back at him, her expression tight, anger held back. ]
If anything happens to Eren because of this, I will blame you, and I will kill you. I'll do that for him, no matter what he does.
[ And, as far as she's concerned, she's made her point; she's turning her back on them both and heading to the front door, tugging her boots out and storming out. She's not going to waste her time on someone who isn't going to listen to her - at least in her view - when she could be making sure Eren is alright. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:30 pm (UTC)Of course.
[His voice has gone light and cheery as she storms away.]
Because protecting him from the consequences of his actions worked out so well the last time, didn't it?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:39 pm (UTC)[ Jean half turns in his seat, calling out to her. She doesn't hear him (or doesn't care) and keeps storming out the door. Jean's the one who's left to hear Erwin's truthful barb, and he turns to shoot him an irritated glare. ]
Cut that out.
[ But any anger (and hurt he feels at Mikasa leaving him here) sputters out fairly quickly, and he sits back, sinking lower in his chair, and covering his face.
From under his hands: ] This is such a mess.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:44 pm (UTC)[He sits across the table and watches Jean for a few moments. He'll give the kid credit: he might be mad at Erwin too, but he came here with good intentions. He wasn't simply looking for a fight. And he's gathered some other valuable intel from this too.]
[When he speaks up, his voice is soft, almost mournful.]
She's never going to love anyone as much as she loves Eren. You can see that, can't you?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:50 pm (UTC)He didn't, though. He tried to lick his wounds and not have to think about it for a while, and look where it got him. That's not a mistake he'll be making again.
He hears Erwin's words, his tone having gone soft, and Jean now feels the bite of tears in his eyes. He's not going to do this. He's not going to cry about this, not in front of Erwin, who probably has some ulterior motive for poking at this particular wound. ]
I know she won't.
[ That's the truth of how pathetic Jean Kirstein is: he knows neither Eren nor Mikasa will ever love him in the same, all-consuming inferno they love each other. He's contented himself with the heat from that blaze long enough that it's almost sweet. ]
Neither of them will ever love someone the way they love each other.
[ Which is his other pathetic admission; in spite of everything, he still loves Eren too. He finally sits up straight, and sighs, dropping his hands from his face. ]
Don't think you can try to use that against me. I'm not here to be your enemy, anyway. I have no intention of fighting you about Eren; what's done is done.
[ Adding, honestly, and looking at Erwin straight on: ]
I'm tired of fighting. I've done enough of it.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 05:57 pm (UTC)[Erwin doesn't sound particularly surprised or shocked that Jean has made the accusation, though. Nor is he offended. It shows the kid has been paying attention, far better than his hotheaded girlfriend, and Erwin can respect that.]
[He fishes a handkerchief out of one of his pockets and tosses it across the table.]
In that, at least, we're in agreement. I told Eren what I did because I was trying to prevent another war from breaking out, not starting one. I don't bear you or any of the others any ill will.
[The faintest of smiles.]
Although I don't think the same can be said of Mikasa, when it comes to me. Not anymore, certainly.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 06:03 pm (UTC)... He's not that skeptical of Erwin, though, to be fair. It just helps to know there's additional reasons. ]
I know. I figured that was why you told him before we even came over here to ask.
[ He takes the handkerchief but doesn't use it, despite the fact that now he knows the wetness in his eyes was noticed. Not so successful at holding those back, it seems. ]
She's pissed. She's not gonna get the chance to kill you, either.
[ Between Levi and the fact that while Mikasa might be a murderer like Jean, with countless Yeagerist Scouts on her hands, he's not going to let her stain her hands with Erwin's blood. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 06:14 pm (UTC)I'm not worried about that in the slightest.
[Erwin shakes his head ruefully.]
That's not even the first death threat I've gotten from an Ackerman. I'm sure it'll work out fine.
[He's 2 for 2 with Not Getting Murdered by Ackermans. It'll work out.]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 06:18 pm (UTC)[ He can perfectly see Levi threatening to kill Erwin, genuinely and with full intention. He's glad it worked out for them, at least, as those rings remind him when he sees them on him.
Erwin does seem happy, here. Jean raises his hand to rub at the headache he can feel forming. ]
Could I bother you for a glass of water?
[ At least it doesn't feel like he's messed things up too badly on his end. He'd rather have the, if not support, being on good terms with Erwin. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 06:25 pm (UTC)Who do you think gave me this?
[Did he deliberately use his left hand to point at it? Why yes, yes he did.]
Of course. Or would you rather have some coffee or tea?
[Either way, Erwin is getting up. There's no point in getting angry and bringing unnecessary emotion into this whole debacle. That just leads to bad decisions and animosity, and Erwin would rather not have either on his hands.]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 06:35 pm (UTC)[ All he can think is how arguably poetic. Mikasa has a scar from Eren on her face, after all. It's probably not the right comparison to draw.
He does absorb the new left arm finally, having noticed but unable to really parse it before. He clears his throat. ]
Nice arm. How new's that?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-22 03:42 pm (UTC)[If Jean watches closely, he'll notice that Erwin's new arm seems to move slower and less fluidly than his regular one. He should also be able to hear very faint electrical crackling if the arm gets close.]
Only a few days old. The Doctor made it for me. He figured out a way for me to use my electricity to power it.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-23 03:03 pm (UTC)[ Jean is watching closely, and notes that it moves slower and less fluidly - but it's still working at all, which is more than he would ever get back home. He blinks at Erwin talking about the electricity powering it. ]
That's actually really clever. Beats having to carry around a generator of some kind to make it move.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 03:57 pm (UTC)[Erwin turns and holds the hand out in front of Jean, demonstrating how he can open and close the fingers on it.]
You would like him, I think. He's a fascinating man to talk to.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-25 02:38 pm (UTC)[ He understands the concept of things like space, planets, terrestrial and celestial bodies. He understands, loosely, the concept of space travel. He was never very into it, however, so the look he's giving Erwin is equal parts skeptical and curious. ]
I mean, if he built you that, he's got to be brilliant. Is he Armin brilliant, or Hange brilliant, though?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-27 07:26 pm (UTC)[It was a Rube Goldberg device.]
He's not the only space traveller, though. Have you met Lieutenant Tayrey yet?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-28 06:22 pm (UTC)[ A machine that just goes ding? Oh no, it's some kind of weird combination of both the smart people he knows. ]
Haven't gone by yet, but I plan to later.