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[13thcommander]

"Hello, this is Erwin Smith. I'm unavailable at the moment; please leave a message and I will contact you as soon as I'm able."


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[13thcommander]

[Sigh. And here Erwin thought he was going to have a nice, quiet day downtown, going to the department store and buying more film for his new camera. He hears Randy before he sees him, and as luck would have it, he's parked himself right in front of the store Erwin wants to go into, hassling the poor guy who works there. Glenn might be a Robbie, but he doesn't deserve this.]

Randy.

[Erwin is... not excited to be talking to Randy, exactly, but at least he's in his right mind this time.]

Randy, you're making a scene.

[undiagnosed]

Oh, for-- [archer, naturally, thinks that erwin is going to be the same as he was before.] MY NAME'S NOT RANDY, IDIOT!

[he throws his hands up, cane included, and turns away from the two men. how is his first reaction to want to give them a bad review online? god, he's getting old.]

Whatever!

[13thcommander]

Your name isn't Ray, and not it's not Randy either? Do you even remember what your real name is?

[Because Erwin is getting pretty close to just giving him a nickname and calling them that forever.]

[But at least Not-Randy has turned away in a huff, and Erwin looks over to Glenn the shop keeper, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. Yeah, he knows, that guy is a mess.]

[undiagnosed]

I never told you it was Ray! You just assumed that! [he shoots back, genuine confusion in his tone for a moment.] It's Archer, okay? Jesus Christ. How stupid are you?

[glenn, fortunately, doesn't seem very shaken by this experience. guess being a robbie makes working in retail that bit easier.]

[13thcommander]

[Speaking from personal experience, being a Robbie does make Ray/Randy/apparently Archer easier to deal with. Glenn is back to a typical Robbie grin, and tries to offer Erwin a blender.]

No, thank you. But stay close, I'm here for some film. 35 mm, please.

[Glenn is only too happy to hustle off to find Erwin's film, and Erwin can turn his attention back to Archer.]

You're the one giving false names out and then failing to keep track of who you told which name.

[For the time being, Erwin is going to assume that Archer is another alias.]

[undiagnosed]

I told you Randy! I know how to keep track of false identities! You're the one that thought I was Ray, dumbass! [he pokes erwin in the ankle with his cane like a truly cantankerous old man, then stops for a moment, frowning.] You don't--

[he narrows his eyes.]

So, hey, total tangent. When you were doing my shoveling for me, did you talk to someone native to this shithole first?

[13thcommander]

I must have heard you incorrectly.

[That, or Archer riled up Erwin enough at the gala that he didn't get his name completely.]

[Erwin is eyeing that cane, and idly wondering who would win in a fight between a one-armed man and a man with a bad leg, but Archer's question arrests that little fantasy in a hurry. He swallows, and a look of pure embarrassment crosses his face.]

Ah. That. No, I hadn't spoken to a local, but I had fallen in the lake. I wasn't myself, and I apologize if I said or did anything upsetting.

[undiagnosed]

[he'd say it would put them on the same level, if archer didn't think himself better than everyone else. who'd win a fight: a pissy superspy or a renowned army commander? probably best not to find out in the middle of the store.]

Yeah? Well, I feel in the lake and it didn't make me weird. [that's a lie; his drowning PTSD didn't... match up well with it.] So, like, would you care about corpses falling out of snowmen now?

[13thcommander]

[They could find out.]

So did many other people, it seems. I went into the building that had lights, and it... made me not myself.

[To put it mildly.]

Yes. Yes, I would find that rather concerning now.

1/2 here we go

[undiagnosed]

The building that had lights, all the buildings have lights, jackass! [that's interesting, though. he'll have to ask if ray did the same, if he can get which building erwin wandered into.] Well... great. Congratulations.

[he pinches his brow, then turns to leave.]

[undiagnosed]

[in the span of the three seconds erwin looks away, archer goes through... something interesting. back home, he sees his daughter for the first time since he woke up, finally, and helps save her from a kidnapping. he finds out she doesn't really know of his role in her life-- too young to remember the times they had when she was a baby. then he goes to antarctica and attempts to solve a murder mystery that wasn't at all what it seemed and saves the world from the machinations of an evil billionaire.

espionage is like that.

the thing is, he had to strip down and dive into the freezing artic. when he's back, he's soaked, half frozen and delirious from almost drowning again along with the possible acceptance of the fact he actually is, finally, awake.

he drops his cane with a clatter (not sure how he still has that, he's certain he wrecked it in the artic to stop a snowmobile) and takes this sudden update very well.

that's a lie.

he shrieks.]

[13thcommander]

There was only one building that had lights, that's why I went into it!

[How does Archer manage it? How? How can he possibly be this... like this? Erwin is about to retort when Glenn comes back, cheerfully announcing that he has Erwin's film, and Erwin is going to leave it at that, is going to just buy his film and go home, when Archer starts screaming.]

[Erwin whirls back around, instinctively raising his arm defensively, and things have changed in those few seconds he was paying attention to Glenn. Archer has somehow managed to strip down, get soaking wet, and get wild-eyed and shrieking in the space of time that shouldn't allow for any of that. Erwin takes a step back, and even from this distance, he can feel the cold billowing off Archer, a deep artic bite that's worse than the cold currently blanketing Santa Rosita.]

Archer?

[Without even thinking about it, Erwin is starting to take his scarf off, and approach.]

Archer, what happened?

[undiagnosed]

I don't know! I don't fucking know! [he is, mercifully, not completely nude; he still has his boxers on. archer scrabbles forward, grabbing the scarf out of erwin's hands and wraps his hands up in it. he's freezing, moreso than when he got shoved into the lake.] Fucking-- coat! Give me your coat!

[people are starting to stare. he would like to cover up and leave, thank you! being mostly naked and screaming in a mall has never ended well for him.]

[13thcommander]

[Erwin has never been mostly naked and screaming in a mall before, but he can't imagine it's a good time. He quickly sheds his coat and tries to awkwardly get it around Archer's shoulders, but he only has one hand to keep it in place while he gets the second shoulder, and Archer is shivering so hard it keeps sliding off.]

Come with me, you're going to catch your death if we stay here.

[Glenn is watching all this with a vaguely puzzled expression.]

Glenn! Where are the heaters?

[He points in one direction, and Erwin starts trying to hustle Archer that way.]

[undiagnosed]

Oh my god, it's just like Terminator! [he groans out as he pulls the coat around his shoulders-- he's able to bring himself under control. it's fine. he's fine. shit. is he going to die from that dive right now? how did the shockwave from the explosion not liquefy-- you know what? he's not going to think about it. never has, never will.] You're a bitch, Glenn.

[despite being helped, he still shoots that out as he's motioned past.]

Hey, I think I'm gonna stress-black out. Or die. I'm actually not sure which.

[13thcommander]

[Erwin has no idea what a Terminator is, but it sounds serious. Although if Archer is still lively enough to insult Glenn, he's probably not in imminent danger of dying. At least, not immediately.]

Get your arm around my shoulders, then. It'll take longer for me to get you to the heaters if I have to drag you by the legs.

[If Archer has his arm around Erwin's shoulders and blacks out, Erwin can grab his hand to keep him up and pull him the rest of the way there. If he blacks out and collapses, this is going to get a lot harder.]

You didn't finish shoveling the snow.

[undiagnosed]

[he seems to need the support more than he's willing to let on; his bad leg is almost taking no weight at all despite him still using his cane. the cold made the damage lock it all up, leaving it basically half-dragging along behind him. same happened when he was teleported into the lake outside the village.]

You're not doing so bad for a one-armed bandit... [jesus. he's out of it enough he's actually almost being decent.] I got bored. Other stuff came up. Didn't feel like it. Too cold. Pick an excuse.

[13thcommander]

You should see me handle a horse, or my ODM gear.

[Really, dragging Archer around isn't that difficult, although Erwin would rather have him helping than being a limp, dead weight. They're leaving a trail of puddles behind them through the store, and Erwin is starting to get the shivers from having Archer so close to him.]

You had no intention of doing more shoveling, did you?

[The way Erwin says it is almost gentle, not accusatory. If Archer can be decent, so can he.]

cw emeto mention

[undiagnosed]

[original design manufacturer gear? okay, weirdo. too tired to give that proper thought. he's really giving it his best attempt to actually be useful while he's dragged along, to... vary degrees of success per step.]

I don't think the shoveling matters right now, [he snaps, even though at the back of his mind he knows why erwin is bringing it up-- he's done the same. you needle someone about something when they're fucked up to keep them talking. when they finally get to the heaters, archer just flops over bonelessly onto the ground.] They better not call the cops on me again... I'm fine! Just... testing them! Really well!

[he exhales, pressing a hand to his face. which... he can't feel. that's not good. his skin's sheet white.]

I'm gonna have to work out how to puke up all the water inside me.

[13thcommander]

Let's get you warmed up before you start worrying about vomiting.

[Erwin is pretty sure once Archer is warm, the puke is going to happen regardless, but he's no field medic so he might be wrong.]

Curl up into a ball, please.

[Why? So Erwin can start moving the heaters around, making a ring around Archer with their glowing orange coils turned towards him. When a vacantly smiling worker comes over to investigate, Erwin waves her away.]

No, it's fine, my friend and I are just testing them out. Can you go get us some towels and blankets, please, Susan? We'd like to test them out too. Oh, and some thick, heavy men's socks. Thank you.

[undiagnosed]

No. [he says, grabbing one of the smaller heaters and standing up with it. to susan:] You guys need to get portable ones, you know. These are-- I mean, where am I gonna plug this in in the street? Think about it. Maybe invent it yourself. Make a buck. Cut me in.

[he falls silent for a long few moments after he finishes saying all those stupid shitty weird words, rubbing his temple, trying not to black out or fall over.]

I was-- I didn't go into the lake again, [he starts, finally.] It was a mission back home.

[13thcommander]

You'll get warmer faster if you're sitting down, close to their faces.

[But okay, sure, if Archer wants to stand up, Erwin isn't going to shove him down. When Susan comes back--she appears completely nonplussed about Archer's business idea--Erwin takes her offerings and dumps them at Archer's feet. He drapes a heavy blanket over Archer's shoulders and a towel on his head, so he can dry his hair. Erwin is ripping open the bag of socks and getting ready to shove a pair over Archer's hands when what he's saying clicks, and Erwin pauses.]

You went back home? It was like you weren't even gone here.

[undiagnosed]

I could also strip down and start screaming about aliens reading my mind. I think this is humiliating enough, thanks.

[if he's going to say anything else, he's cut off by a towel being dumped on his head and socks being pushed into-- no, onto his hands.]

Yeah, so I guess I finally lost my mind. [he looks down at his sock hands.] ...This tracks.

[though imagining it doesn't explain how he got soaked and freezing.]

[13thcommander]

If you did, so did I.

[Which is, considering their last interaction, probably not as reassuring as Erwin would like it to be. He takes a second pair of socks and drops down to one knee, nudging Archer's calf with his shoulder so he'll pick up his foot.]

You were there one second, I turned to talk to Glenn, and then you started screaming. I turned around, and you were practically naked and soaking wet.

I didn't see it happen, Archer, but you're not crazy. Something out of the ordinary definitely happened today.

[undiagnosed]

[he complies, but only because he doesn't want to lose any toes. could he still lose toes? no idea. archer sniffs, looking away for a moment. erwin's gone and in a burst of RGB static, barry's there instead. the hallucination shows up and shocks him enough that he pulls back suddenly, a flicker of confused fear crossing his expression that quickly turns into a scowl.]

I almost drowned. Again. [his expression twists.] I really gotta stop doing that.