13thcommander | Labrynthum Inbox

[ Jean was right; it was probably a good idea to wait, when her anger isn't so burning mad, and she feels less intense. The anger is still there, a quiet rage inside of her, but it's less likely that she is going to end up getting herself into more trouble, the threat of violence taking a break for the threat of tears to come instead.

Jean is beside her as they approach the commander's door, and Mikasa's face is set in a straight line: she's hiding behind her usual deadpan irritation, tucking it away for later. Hopefully, Erwin doesn't do anything to inspire any more rage inside of her because she's not sure if she would be able to cope with that.

She doesn't look at Jean as she lifts her hand to knock on the door, just in case her attention wavers. She also hopes that Levi doesn't answer: that will be awkward for him more than her. ]

[ Jean's glad that asking her to wait a day worked out in curbing some of the anger. He's sure this is still going to be a shit show, of course, he's a realist after all, but maybe it won't end in blood and tears, just blood or tears.

Jean would like to hold her hand or put his hand on her back, but he recognizes the straight line of her back and knows better than to. Instead he has a similar expression on his face, trying for neutral. He's still bad with masking his eyes, though, and there's clearly anger and grief in them.

He folds his arms and waits after she knocks, not saying anything. ]

[Erwin suspected this was coming. All it took was hearing about the kids snubbing Levi at the ball last night, and the pointed way they avoided him, for him to put two and two together. Teenaged dramatics are exhausting, but he knows this is something that needs to be dealt with, and quickly. So he's shooed Levi and Hange out for the day, and has been waiting quietly for what he knows is coming.]

[He's also done some subtle preparations of his own. When he answers the door, he's dressed all in white, the way they would remember him from their early days in the Survey Corps. He's also chosen to roll up the sleeves on his shirt, putting his metal, robotic right arm and hand on display. The straps keeping the arm on show through his white shirt, looking eerily reminiscent of the ODM gear straps.]

[He doesn't speak immediately; no one is getting the typical warm welcome Erwin usually delivers today. Instead, he looks from Mikasa to Jean and then back again. When he speaks, his voice is solemn and distant. It's not quite the Commander Voice--not yet--but the potential for it is definitely there.]

I certainly hope you two never play cards for money.

[Not a poker face among them. He holds open the door with his left arm and gestures them inside with the metal hand.]

Come in. We have things to discuss.

[ Mikasa’s expression doesn’t flicker when he opens the door. He might be dressed up, trying to make them think back to a time where he was important in their lives, but that was years ago. Hange and Armin were the ones she called commander now, not him. It’s been years since Erwin was someone she consciously thought about, someone she might have fought hard to protect.

He’s certainly doing nothing to inspire that dedication here.

It’s really only Jean at her side that stops her from lashing out, and she looks Erwin in the eye without a hint of hesitation; her anger bristles through her like a lightning storm. The last time she was at this house she’d still trusted the inhabitants of it, and now her emotions are at war about it all. It’s her respect for Levi that helps soothe some of her irritation, and she nods her head once, sharply, as she steps inside.

She hovers a few steps in, waiting for Jean to join her, her crutch at the moment - and she’ll have to figure out some way to thank him later. ]

[ Jean is the one of the two of them who would be most susceptible to Erwin's preparations. It does make a pang of something in his chest to see him like that, to hear him use that voice. Erwin wasn't the reason he joined the Survey Corps in the first place though, and, like Mikasa, Hange and Armin are the Commanders that stick out in his mind.

Still, there's a flicker of something in his eyes - the childlike reaction to an elders disappointment - as he looks at Erwin, before he follows Mikasa into the house. When she briefly hovers, Jean keeps walking, trusting her to follow in his wake. He's headed for the table because he'll be damned if he has this conversation standing.

The arm is also new - it's the first time he's seeing it. ]

Appreciate you being willing to talk to us.

[ Because, well, he could have chosen not to. Jean sits down in a chair, waiting for the other two. ]

Of course.

[Erwin follows Jean to the table and sits down. The table is bare; if this is going to devolve into childishness, Erwin would prefer that there's nothing easily on hand to throw. He rests his elbows on it and tents his hands.]

Go ahead. It's clear you have thoughts and opinions you'd like to share.

[ Jean folds his arms on the table, fingers entwined but not otherwise lifted; it's a move he's seen Armin use, so he's mirroring it here. His expression is, at the least, serious, and he's making an effort to actually hold back the anger and grief that's still present.

He glances to Mikasa, and when he gets whatever silent go-ahead he was looking for from her, he looks back to Erwin. ]

We'd like to hear your reasons for telling Eren about the future. We had planned on telling him ourselves, over time, so he wouldn't learn it all at once.

[ Jean has acknowledged this for himself as a lie; for Mikasa, that had been her plan. Jean figured it was better to prove a united front, though. ]

And what was your plan in the meantime? Eren has never struck me as a patient individual; were you going to allow him to twist in the wind and dream up scenarios about the future you were pointedly not sharing with him?

No.

[ Mikasa’s voice is cold, her expression still stuck in that angry, dark stare as she gazes at Erwin. Unlike Jean, she hasn’t sat down; she stands behind him more like a bodyguard than a friend, as if primed to rip Erwin to pieces if she has to.

She grips the back of his chair. ]

We just got here. We needed time to adjust ourselves and to see how Eren was. There was no benefit in telling him anything when all it would do is hurt him, and it wasn’t your place. You weren’t there, so you had no right.

[ Her eyes narrow a little. ]

I was telling him things. Sharing things. When it was the right time, and not because you decided you knew best when you didn’t.

[Erwin is deeply unimpressed by the bodyguard theatrics. This is a conversation, not a barroom brawl, and he has no intent on attacking either one of them.]

And he wasn't asking you questions? He wasn't expressing frustration that you were keeping things from him?

[Maybe he wasn't, but Erwin finds that hard to believe. If Eren came to him, of all people, that probably means he'd exhausted all other avenues first.]

Where would that track have led, Mikasa? Would it have not been the right time if or when Eren tried to declare war on Vaeros, which he seemed to think I would gladly do with him? Would it not have been the right time if Eren regained his immense and dangerous powers and started using them against this world? Would it ever have been the right time to tell him your role, both of your roles, in his fate?

[He holds up his robotic hand.]

Which, if he has learned, it hasn't been from me. I'm not the doddering old fool you seem to think I am; I'm aware of the difference between information that hurts and information that destroys.

[ It's a comfort to him that Mikasa stands behind him, though he's undeniably nervous for the simple fact that if she decides to haul off and hit Erwin, he's going to have to jump across a table to stop her.

Erwin is right, at least on Jean's end; every time Eren asked a direct question, Jean would refuse to answer or, at least, acknowledge he didn't want to talk about it yet. Eren was left in the dark to figure out what was going on.

His rant on the network, which is still in full view of many people, that same day Erwin told him, also lingers in his mind. Even if Eren had insisted he didn't mean it, Jean knew that some part of him did.

A hand reaches up to rest over Mikasa's, briefly, before he lowers it. ]

No, he still doesn't know exactly who killed him. [ That's a reminder for Mikasa as well as confirmation for Erwin. ] Which I appreciate you keeping that way. It's her prerogative if she wants to tell him.

[ His expression is troubled, otherwise, about the information Erwin points out. Yeah, he's pretty bad at poker. ]

We weren't aware he'd decided he wanted to declare war on Vaeros until his conversation with you on the network. We hadn't had a chance to talk about how to address that.

None of that means it was your right to tell him any of it.

[ Mikasa is still so angry, a burning, simmering rage inside of her that wants to bubble free. Being overprotective of Eren is part of her, but it’s so much more here. It means so much more, with a second chance to show him how much she cares, to stand at his side. If anyone should understand that, it’s Erwin.

But he didn’t. And none of his arguments are helping to ease any of her hurt or her rage.]

I don’t think you’re a fool. I think you’re a dead man talking about things he wasn’t there for. You don’t know what you’re talking about, not when it comes to Eren, and this wasn’t your conversation to have with him. You knew we were here and could have directed him to Jean or me, and you didn’t. You decided you knew best, when you knew nothing at all.

[ She blinks, breathing in and out, closing her eyes for a moment. Who wouldn’t she fight for Eren? There’s no one in the world that could come between her and him, not even here, not even knowing what he does and what he becomes. She cannot abandon him, the bright flame of her love still alive in her heart. ]

You don’t get to play games with our lives any more.

[Quite frankly, Erwin thinks it would have been a very different story if he had been there. That’s something he’ll keep to himself, though; not to spare either of their feelings, but to spare Hange’s.]

And would you have told him the truth, if I’d directed him to either of you? Or would you have let your own grief and horror dictate what he knows, until or if you reach the point where you’re comfortable talking about it? And meanwhile, potentially thrown this world into the same kind of chaos you left behind?

[His expression actually softens a little here, as does his voice.]

I have no interest in interfering with your lives here. Deal with your grief or don’t, it’s all the same to me. But what I will not do is sit idly by when this world is threatened. I will not make the same mistakes twice and let the good people here have their lives thrown into chaos based on a child’s idea of freedom.

[ Jean listens to them both, caught between both points of view. Truthfully, he'd made the same argument to Mikasa about whether they would ever be ready to talk to Eren about what happened. He'd received much the same stonewalling; but he knows in his own heart of hearts he might have put it off forever. ]

I think, [ He cuts in here, his voice steadier than his expression appears to be, ] that we all made decisions we thought were in our best interests, and unfortunately both of those decisions ended up hurting Eren, in ways we couldn't avoid.

[ He nods to Erwin first. Sorry he's going for you first, Commander, but he's trying to make a point. ]

It wasn't your right to tell him any of it, but you were keeping your home safe. He needed to know where his actions might lead him, especially if he gets his powers back at any point.

[ Then, he turns to Mikasa, his expression going softer and a little pleading. ]

And we have been through the end of the world. We wanted to wait, and we should have been able to. But we were hurting Eren by not answering his questions, and you know that's true. Maybe if we had a better plan, we could have avoided this. But it got to this point and something had to be done.

[ Adding, tiredly: ]

You saw what he said to me, Mikasa. Even if he swore he didn't mean it later.

Edited 2023-12-16 18:21 (UTC)

You still should have sent him to us. You're telling him about things you don't understand, because you weren't there.

[ Mikasa looks down at Jean, pursing her lips before she looks away. ]

I was telling him things. Just because it wasn't everything at once doesn't mean I was keeping secrets. I don't really care what your justification is, Erwin, or why you thought it was your job to do it, but it wasn't.

[ And now she looks back at him, her expression tight, anger held back. ]

If anything happens to Eren because of this, I will blame you, and I will kill you. I'll do that for him, no matter what he does.

[ And, as far as she's concerned, she's made her point; she's turning her back on them both and heading to the front door, tugging her boots out and storming out. She's not going to waste her time on someone who isn't going to listen to her - at least in her view - when she could be making sure Eren is alright. ]

[Erwin actually smiles when Mikasa threatens to kill him. Does she genuinely think this is the first time he's heard that threat? The first time he's heard that threat from an Ackerman? He's sure that this time, it won't eventually end in getting married, but still, the irony is entertaining.]

Of course.

[His voice has gone light and cheery as she storms away.]

Because protecting him from the consequences of his actions worked out so well the last time, didn't it?

Mikasa -

[ Jean half turns in his seat, calling out to her. She doesn't hear him (or doesn't care) and keeps storming out the door. Jean's the one who's left to hear Erwin's truthful barb, and he turns to shoot him an irritated glare. ]

Cut that out.

[ But any anger (and hurt he feels at Mikasa leaving him here) sputters out fairly quickly, and he sits back, sinking lower in his chair, and covering his face.

From under his hands: ] This is such a mess.

[Yeah okay, Jean has a point there. Erwin knows he isn't wrong, but definitely could have phrased that better. He's out of practice.]

[He sits across the table and watches Jean for a few moments. He'll give the kid credit: he might be mad at Erwin too, but he came here with good intentions. He wasn't simply looking for a fight. And he's gathered some other valuable intel from this too.]

[When he speaks up, his voice is soft, almost mournful.]

She's never going to love anyone as much as she loves Eren. You can see that, can't you?

[ Jean truly isn't too mad at Erwin. Does he wish it happened a different way? Yeah, absolutely. Does he wish he'd been smart enough to push through his own pain, like he always has, and made a plan with Mikasa? Also yes.

He didn't, though. He tried to lick his wounds and not have to think about it for a while, and look where it got him. That's not a mistake he'll be making again.

He hears Erwin's words, his tone having gone soft, and Jean now feels the bite of tears in his eyes. He's not going to do this. He's not going to cry about this, not in front of Erwin, who probably has some ulterior motive for poking at this particular wound. ]

I know she won't.

[ That's the truth of how pathetic Jean Kirstein is: he knows neither Eren nor Mikasa will ever love him in the same, all-consuming inferno they love each other. He's contented himself with the heat from that blaze long enough that it's almost sweet. ]

Neither of them will ever love someone the way they love each other.

[ Which is his other pathetic admission; in spite of everything, he still loves Eren too. He finally sits up straight, and sighs, dropping his hands from his face. ]

Don't think you can try to use that against me. I'm not here to be your enemy, anyway. I have no intention of fighting you about Eren; what's done is done.

[ Adding, honestly, and looking at Erwin straight on: ]

I'm tired of fighting. I've done enough of it.

Why would I try and use that against you?

[Erwin doesn't sound particularly surprised or shocked that Jean has made the accusation, though. Nor is he offended. It shows the kid has been paying attention, far better than his hotheaded girlfriend, and Erwin can respect that.]

[He fishes a handkerchief out of one of his pockets and tosses it across the table.]

In that, at least, we're in agreement. I told Eren what I did because I was trying to prevent another war from breaking out, not starting one. I don't bear you or any of the others any ill will.

[The faintest of smiles.]

Although I don't think the same can be said of Mikasa, when it comes to me. Not anymore, certainly.

[ Despite the fact he knows what Erwin is like, a little, he still relaxes his shoulders when Erwin tells him he doesn't bear them ill will. Even if it was a lie, it's one Erwin would be willing to play to, and that's good enough.

... He's not that skeptical of Erwin, though, to be fair. It just helps to know there's additional reasons. ]

I know. I figured that was why you told him before we even came over here to ask.

[ He takes the handkerchief but doesn't use it, despite the fact that now he knows the wetness in his eyes was noticed. Not so successful at holding those back, it seems. ]

She's pissed. She's not gonna get the chance to kill you, either.

[ Between Levi and the fact that while Mikasa might be a murderer like Jean, with countless Yeagerist Scouts on her hands, he's not going to let her stain her hands with Erwin's blood. ]

Edited 2023-12-17 18:06 (UTC)

[For all his other, numerous flaws, Erwin is being genuine when he says he bears them no ill will. As long as this world doesn't come under threat, he's perfectly content to let it keep spinning as it has, and let the kids live out their extremely complicated, messy lives. Preferably without involving him in their drama.]

I'm not worried about that in the slightest.

[Erwin shakes his head ruefully.]

That's not even the first death threat I've gotten from an Ackerman. I'm sure it'll work out fine.

[He's 2 for 2 with Not Getting Murdered by Ackermans. It'll work out.]

You know, somehow, that doesn't surprise me even a little.

[ He can perfectly see Levi threatening to kill Erwin, genuinely and with full intention. He's glad it worked out for them, at least, as those rings remind him when he sees them on him.

Erwin does seem happy, here. Jean raises his hand to rub at the headache he can feel forming. ]

Could I bother you for a glass of water?

[ At least it doesn't feel like he's messed things up too badly on his end. He'd rather have the, if not support, being on good terms with Erwin. ]

[Erwin tilts his head back and gestures at a small scar on his throat, directly under his chin.]

Who do you think gave me this?

[Did he deliberately use his left hand to point at it? Why yes, yes he did.]

Of course. Or would you rather have some coffee or tea?

[Either way, Erwin is getting up. There's no point in getting angry and bringing unnecessary emotion into this whole debacle. That just leads to bad decisions and animosity, and Erwin would rather not have either on his hands.]

Tea, if you don't mind.

[ All he can think is how arguably poetic. Mikasa has a scar from Eren on her face, after all. It's probably not the right comparison to draw.

He does absorb the new left arm finally, having noticed but unable to really parse it before. He clears his throat. ]

Nice arm. How new's that?

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