Erwin had been lucky to have Levi there with him, in those early days after his injury. He'd been consumed by fever, sometimes actively hallucinating, and in so much pain that even the hardest drugs available had barely been able to touch it. Levi had been something he'd focused on, a touchstone, something that was real and constantly present for Erwin to circle back towards. Erwin knows it can't have been easy, caring for him during time, and he's eternally grateful that Levi had stayed so close. There are very few people Erwin would trust to see him in that state, and he also knows Levi kept away those who would use his weakness against him.
Now, in the lazy autumn sunshine, Erwin chuckles softly. "Putting me on the spot, aren't you?"
He thinks it over for a few moments, lightly tracing nonsense designs across Levi's back. "My eighth birthday was good. My father got me my first book of poetry, and my mother made apple cake."
Another pause. "The last one, when we were still in our own world. Do you remember?"
They'd been out on a mission, out beyond the Walls. It had been before the 104th graduated, before they'd even heard of titan shifters, in a time that feels impossibly simple now. It had gotten dark, and they'd bedded down for the night, setting up patrols to keep watch. They'd gotten lucky; there hadn't been any abnormals around, and they'd managed to clear the immediate area of titans when there was still daylight.
They'd made a bonfire, and all the veterans--so many of them lost, now--had gathered around it. There hadn't been cake, or alcohol, or anything like that. But they'd all been together, and Mike, of all people, had gotten everyone to sing happy birthday.
It hadn't been easy, but not for the reasons Erwin might think - his anxiety over possibly losing him to the injury manifested in being a fucking menace to nearly anyone who entered the room, especially to the doctor, threatening them with colorful violence if they let him die, forcing them to clean their hands and tools in front of him to minimize the risk of infection. The fear had eaten a hole in his stomach, made him overly snappish until Hange'd had to rein him in. Illness always seemed to unsettle him.
The touch is so soothing, Levi almost feels himself being lulled to sleep again. There's a matching pause, and perhaps for a moment Erwin might think he is asleep, until he answers quietly.
"...yeah."
It did feel like a lifetime ago. Expeditions always meant tragedy and loss, but there was always an undeniable heartening in moments like that one. The camaraderie of gathering around the fire with the others, something so simple and fleeting and yet so inescapably human. They'd still faced death, in those days, but it had felt so different, then. Naive, looking back on it now, to somehow not realize there could be even worse terrors coming for them, and things even more unimaginable on the horizon.
It's those pockets of happiness that had been so vital to keep going. To keep believing that better things were possible.
Levi presses his fingers against Erwin a moment, just a little anchor, before shifting enough to regard him with a mild expression.
If Erwin could have one birthday wish granted by the crystal, it would be that everyone who'd been around that campfire could be here with them. Everyone at the fire, and everyone else they'd lost before. Even if it were only for a day, or a few hours... they all deserve a chance to be somewhere like Somnius, somewhere they can simply be and find their happiness without titans or politics or the other horrors of their world.
"What, really?" Erwin lifts his eyebrows, then pushes his lower lip out in a pout. "But it's my birthday, Levi."
Heart of stone, his husband has, heart of stone!
Erwin can't keep the pout up for longer than a moment or two, though; it dissolves into a smile, and he spreads his hand broad across Levi's back, running it from his shoulders to his hips in a long, smooth stroke. "Maybe next year."
And then he shifts, getting up onto one elbow. "If we don't get up now, we're going to end up staying here all day."
no subject
Now, in the lazy autumn sunshine, Erwin chuckles softly. "Putting me on the spot, aren't you?"
He thinks it over for a few moments, lightly tracing nonsense designs across Levi's back. "My eighth birthday was good. My father got me my first book of poetry, and my mother made apple cake."
Another pause. "The last one, when we were still in our own world. Do you remember?"
They'd been out on a mission, out beyond the Walls. It had been before the 104th graduated, before they'd even heard of titan shifters, in a time that feels impossibly simple now. It had gotten dark, and they'd bedded down for the night, setting up patrols to keep watch. They'd gotten lucky; there hadn't been any abnormals around, and they'd managed to clear the immediate area of titans when there was still daylight.
They'd made a bonfire, and all the veterans--so many of them lost, now--had gathered around it. There hadn't been cake, or alcohol, or anything like that. But they'd all been together, and Mike, of all people, had gotten everyone to sing happy birthday.
no subject
The touch is so soothing, Levi almost feels himself being lulled to sleep again. There's a matching pause, and perhaps for a moment Erwin might think he is asleep, until he answers quietly.
"...yeah."
It did feel like a lifetime ago. Expeditions always meant tragedy and loss, but there was always an undeniable heartening in moments like that one. The camaraderie of gathering around the fire with the others, something so simple and fleeting and yet so inescapably human. They'd still faced death, in those days, but it had felt so different, then. Naive, looking back on it now, to somehow not realize there could be even worse terrors coming for them, and things even more unimaginable on the horizon.
It's those pockets of happiness that had been so vital to keep going. To keep believing that better things were possible.
Levi presses his fingers against Erwin a moment, just a little anchor, before shifting enough to regard him with a mild expression.
"Not gonna sing for you, though," he says dryly.
no subject
"What, really?" Erwin lifts his eyebrows, then pushes his lower lip out in a pout. "But it's my birthday, Levi."
Heart of stone, his husband has, heart of stone!
Erwin can't keep the pout up for longer than a moment or two, though; it dissolves into a smile, and he spreads his hand broad across Levi's back, running it from his shoulders to his hips in a long, smooth stroke. "Maybe next year."
And then he shifts, getting up onto one elbow. "If we don't get up now, we're going to end up staying here all day."